Way Worse Than You Know
by WakeUpSunshine
Summary: AU. R/T He’s my teacher. I say over and over again in my head. but he’s gorgeous.
1. Chapter 1

**Getting ahead of myself here but this idea's been suck in my head for awhile, anyway just thought i'd warn you Seth is really really mean in this. So if you don't like mean Seth then you probably shouldn't read it. He gets worse. **

Chapter 1

_He's my teacher._ I say over and over again in my head._ but he's gorgeous._ My mind is in so many different places that I've stopped listening to what he's saying. All I can think about is how he's probably got amazing abs underneath that blue button up shirt he's wearing. It goes well with his eyes. Those eyes. I stared into them when I first walked into class.

_He's married. _Or at least he's wearing a wedding ring. But all I can think about doing is jumping him. Jumping him right in the middle of the class. He's not older than 25. He can't be. Maybe he's younger; maybe I have a chance. No. There's no chance. He's my _teacher_. And he'd never be attracted to me. He's my _teacher _and he's _married. _He's probably happy. He looked happy. But what am I saying I don't even know the guy. He's been my history teacher for all of 10 minutes and I'm already deciding he's happy. His eyes have a twinkle to them. _His eyes. _

He's moving now. He's saying something but I'm not listening. He's asking a question. Someone raises their hand. God, I could just eat him alive he's so hot. _Hot. _That's the word for him.

His blonde hair is spiked. He doesn't look like any of the other teachers here. In fact most of the other teachers are old and boring. But I can tell this man is not boring. Far from it.

He's looking at me. He's saying something but I'm not listening. Now he's waving his hands in front of my face but I'm still not paying attention. All I can do is stare. I'm day dreaming. Mostly it's about how I want to tear his shirt off. Buttons and all. Just rip it off to get to his chest. I can't think like this. _He's my teacher. _

"No!" I'm thinking it in my head. Did I just say that out loud? The class is laughing. He has a stern look on his face. _Oh God. _

"See me after class." Is all he says. I heard that. Maybe I should have been listening instead of dreaming about that _sexy _body he probably has underneath that shirt. He looks pissed. He looks up at me. It's the first day I'm already in trouble.

I'm an A plus student. I always listen. Daydreaming is _not _my thing. It's unproductive. But there I was just moments before in class daydreaming about his body. Mostly about what I could do to said body.

Everyone's out of the room, everyone but me. But I'm supposed to be here. He just shakes his head at me.

"What was that about?" He asks. Just his voice makes me want him. God, everything about this man makes me want him.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Atwood. I'm normally not like that it's just the first day of school and I've got so much going on. I was just trying to get it all situated in my head. I promise I won't do it again." But I will. I'll do it everyday that I'm in his class.

His phone rings as he's about to answer me. He holds up a finger and mouths one second. He flips the phone open. He's smiling wide. "Hey." His voice is sweet. I shouldn't listen to his conversation. But I am. "I'll be home right after work. I love you too." _His wife. _"What kind? Yeah I can manage that. Take care baby." He whispers the last thing.

Then he's looking up at me. Whoever that was on the phone he adores. So why am I currently wishing he'd talk to me like that? I don't even know him! _And he's my teacher! _

"I'll let it pass this time, but please don't let this happen again." He said sternly. His face is soft. Probably because he just talked to his wife. I'm assuming it's his wife. He's got a ring on his finger. He just called whoever it was 'baby.'

I just nod and grab my books off of my desk. I'm rushing out of there. I have to get out. I'm breathing heavily. He has worked me up. I'm still thinking about jumping him. _He's married. _Not to mention; _He's my fucking teacher! _I shake my head and run to my locker.

My boyfriend's standing there. _Oh God, _I was just thinking about someone else and I have a boyfriend. How stupid can I get? _Pretty stupid. _

"Where were you?" He demanded. I try to smile as he grabs my arm forcefully. He wasn't like this at first. He was loving and I had so much in common with him but then his mom started drinking and was sent to rehab.

That's when he started hurting me. I'm so dumb. I knew the first time he slapped me across my face I should have left. _I did. _But I came back. I went back to him like I needed him. I didn't. _I don't. _But he wants me around. That's why I'm still there. That's why I let him pull me towards the parking lot. We're at his Range Rover.

"I'm sorry." I whisper as he makes me get in the passenger seat. He doesn't love me. I know that. He loves _her. _She doesn't want him, so he settles for me. I'm his second choice. Maybe his last. Doesn't matter. I'm still _fucking _here.

"I don't want to hear it." He shakes his head. First day of senior year and I'm already feeling defeated.

"I have class." I whisper. I know he does too, but I want out of there. _Fast. _I can already feel it coming. I know it's about to happen. There it is. The sting across my face. He doesn't care if he leaves a hand print. He never does. No one cares anyway. I'm over-looked. Especially by my mother. So why would anyone else care? "Go!" He yells. I obey. Why do I obey? I don't even know. But I do.

I'm out of that car as fast as I can possibly be. I'm running towards the school. Tears threatening to fall. I need to make it to the bathroom. _Quickly. _I'm not looking. I'm just running through the crowd of people before the bell rings.

"Humph." _Oh No. _I ran into someone. I'm so dumb. I don't look up. It's _him. _I can tell by the shirt. I finally look up after a few seconds. He's bending down to pick up the things I let fall to the ground when I ran into him.

I'm still watching him. I know if my boyfriend caught this I'd get more than just a slap to the face. But I don't care. This man is gorgeous. He's enough to risk the wrath of my terrible boyfriend.

"I'm so sorry, Mr. Atwood. I'm just a really clumsy person, it's my fault. I should have been looking where I was going. My boyfriend is constantly telling me I don't pay attention to anything. But I do. I'm not like this." I try to shake my head. I wasn't like this. Not before. But there's been so much going on that now I'm in a different world.

"Almost the same speech as before." He chuckles handing me my things. He's staring into my eyes as he gives me a smile. His eyes move to my face. _Oh God. _I forgot about my face. His eyes turn from happy to upset in a matter of seconds.

"Who did that?" He whispers. "I ran into a door, you know part of my clumsy-ness." I try to give him a smile before rushing to the bathroom. A handprint. It's deep red and starting to bruise slightly. I take the foundation that I use just about every day and apply it to my face. Concealer helps too. I'm glad there's no one in there with me. I hate explaining things. It's not like they care anyway. The girls here just like gossip.

The bells ringing. I need to get to class. Fast. First day of school and I'm already late. What happened to my regular punctuality I have no idea.

Last year before the summer happened I was this happy upbeat girl. I was in so many different activities that I barely had time to myself. I couldn't say that for this year. My boyfriend didn't like the idea of me spending time with other's so he told me to resign from my social chair position. I didn't want to. It would look good on my college application. But he said he didn't care. He said I should want to be with him every second that I possibly could. I didn't. _I don't. _My after school activities were the only way to get away from him. Then the summer happened and I was stuck with him all day everyday. I was hoping once school started that things would change. We'd both get back into swing of things and he'd start lusting over _her _again. I hoped; no I _prayed _she would develop feelings for him so he'd leave me. What kind of sane girlfriend thinks like that? For one, everyone knows I'm far from sane and two he only likes being with me because he feels in control.

Like sex for example. That's all it is sex. Nothing more. It's actually _terrible_ sex. Not that I'd have anything else to compare it to. So I let him take control. Whatever. Not like I could do any better. Well at least that's what he says.

Someone's grabbing my arm. I freeze. _Oh God. _I'm closing my eyes as I turn to face whoever it may be.

My last class of the day ran a little late. If it's him then I know I'm going to be hit. Right here. In front of the whole school. Maybe then someone would care. But it's not him. No, the person I'm looking at right now has blue eyes. Gentle blue eyes. I'm not looking at his eyes anymore. His lips. If I could just taste those lips once…

"Taylor." He jolts me out of my day dream. I _really _need to stop doing that. It's not healthy. "Mr. Atwood?" I question hoping that he'd let go of me soon. _He _might be watching. And somehow everything I do is wrong. So I don't see him thinking this as just a friendly talk with my History teacher.

"Are you okay? I mean earlier…" He trailed off giving me a look. His eyes were sympathetic. He went out of his way to make sure _I _was okay. Maybe there was something there. "No." I say to myself. Once again I realize I just spoke out loud. That wasn't meant to be heard.

"No, I mean I'm fine. Sorry." I shook my head and waved a hand to signify I was fine. "Are you sure?" He still had a hold of my arm. As much as I would have loved him to keep his amazing strong hands on me I needed him to let go.

"Yes." I give him a weak smile hoping he buys it. Well he has to buy it because that's all he's getting. If only I could give him more…_STOP! _I tell myself. I look around to see if I said that a loud. I didn't. Thank God. I'd hate to have to explain that one. He'd probably think I had voices in my head or something silly.

"Only if you're sure." He needs to let go. _NOW. _Because I see _him_. He's glaring. He's pissed. _Oh God. _"Yes. I'm sure now I have to go. See you in class tomorrow Mr. Atwood." I rush off towards my boyfriend. Hoping to God he doesn't smack me right there.

"What was that?" He demands. His eyes are scaring me. "I was just…he's my history teacher…" I stutter out as he walks ahead of me to the Range Rover. He's not listening. Instead he's walking with determination. He's getting in the SUV now. I stop. I don't need a ride home but he's looking at me. He's mad. I know he's going to want to hit me.

"Get in." He demands. I can't listen. Not this time. I close my eyes and tell my self _I'm stronger than this. _But I'm not. I'm far from it. So I reach for the handle. But I stop. I stop because I'd rather just go home and deal with my mother than deal with him and his yelling.

"Seth, I think I'm just going to walk home." I whisper. The window is rolled down on my side so I know he can hear me. "Fine." And he's putting the car in reverse quickly. The tires squeal making me jump a little. I take a deep breath.

For today I am free. I get to go home and rest. I can take my mind off of everything. There's Mr. Atwood again. He saw _him _drive off leaving me standing there almost in tears. I start walking towards the road. "Taylor." He's behind me. I'm wishing him away. Not that I don't want to see him. _God _I could look at him all day long. It's just I don't need someone to feel sorry for me. And I can see that he's going to be one of those people. So I ignore him.

"Taylor!" This time he's shouting. I turn around quickly. "What?" I say a little harshly. He doesn't notice. He gives me a smile. _That smile. _It's gorgeous. It's captivating and all I can do is stare. "Need a ride?" He points to his car. I shake my head no. I can't get in the car with him. Not possible. I'm not sure I can refrain myself in such a small space. I'd be smelling him. And his body would be way too close.

"Sure?" He asks again. _Yes I'm sure. _I want to scream at him.

"Positive." I give him my best fake 'I'm okay' smile and turn around and start walking home. My house isn't far. Ten minutes on foot to be exact. Well more like 10 minutes and 15 seconds to actually get to my front door and open it. I timed myself. The day I timed myself was a terrible day and I needed to take my mind off of everything. So, just like that day I decided I'd give myself another try. Maybe I could beat my record. _God, _I need a life. Not this time. 10 minutes and 30 seconds. Maybe I can try again tomorrow. I could only hope. He's there.

_Oh God. _I was hoping he would wait a few hours before showing up. But no he's getting out of the Range Rover and walked towards the steps ready to ring the doorbell. I wish it away as I stare out my bedroom window. I guess wishes don't get anyone anywhere. Not in a time like this.

I know if he rings the doorbell a few times and I don't answer he'll just come in. So I sit down on my bed. I start thinking about how my day was. Then I smile. Those _eyes. _

Then my smile fades because my boyfriend's standing in front of me with his hands on his hips. I'm fidgeting with my hands unable to look up at him. I know he's glaring at me and I can see his fist ball up with fury.

But I'm saved. Saved by the one person I never thought would save me. _My mother._ She walks in the room and glances at Seth. She smiles slightly and tells me that she'll be out the rest of the evening. Then she tells Seth to make sure I'm safe. Or something to that effect I wasn't really paying attention because I didn't really care. Then she was gone. She hadn't really saved me. Just stalled what was the inevitable for a few more minutes.


	2. Chapter 2

**Decided to go ahead and post this. I've got all the way up to chapter 7 finished. I don't think i'll post 3 until tomorrow though. Unless someone asks or my reviews go up. Anyhow sorry that Seth's mean. I just wanted to do something different. I'm changing this to M just in case. **

Chapter 2

I used to be annoying, or I still am according to my ass of a boyfriend. But he doesn't count. I used to talk and ramble, okay I still do but that's beside my point. My point is I've changed. Most people might say for the better but not me. I think I changed for the worst. I never used to let people walk all over me. Now, I do.

It all started when my mom started criticizing me more for my weight and how I dressed. I'm not fat. Far from it but the woman needed something to make herself feel better. Then I started believing her. So I jumped for the first guy who actually said a few nice words to me.

So now here I am in a relationship with said guy. A _terrible abusive _relationship. But one none-the-less. The same guy is currently hovering over my body.

He calls this 'make-up sex.' Whatever. I gave in after he hit me a few times. Nothing that I hadn't had before. So after he's done and he's calmed down a bit he decides he wants to have sex. Knowing if I say no I'll just be 'punished.' I don't fight it. No use anymore. It was over as soon as it seemed to start. Like I said _terrible _sex.

He's getting out of my bed now and throwing his clothes on. Cuddling is a no-no. The first time we had sex he told me that. He didn't like it. I didn't really want to be that close to him anyway. So why was I with him? I couldn't even answer that question myself. I just was.

He left quickly muttering a goodbye or two. He'd be nice to me in the morning when he picked me up for day 2 of school. But that'd only last for a few hours. Then everything would go back to usual.

My door closed and I buried myself deep beneath my covers. Still naked but not really caring. No use in getting dressed. I didn't have the strength, anyway. I took a deep breath knowing I had homework. It wasn't important. Nothing was important anymore.

I started looking forward to my first class the next morning. _History. _Where I'd get to see those amazing _blue eyes. _I couldn't help but smile. I didn't even know him and he was my _teacher. _Nothing could happen even if he did have even a slight attraction to me which I'm pretty sure he doesn't. Who would be attracted to me anyhow? Then I started thinking about an affair with said teacher? How hot would that be? Pretty hot. I mean the man is ripped or at least he looks like he is underneath his shirt. What am I saying? I met him in class that morning. How was I so attracted to him. What was it about this guy? I fell asleep thinking about the next morning. When I'd get to see his smile, his eyes, him.

There's no such thing as love. I've learned that already in the 17 years I've been alive. Love is a stupid word used by people to get what they want.

Seth has never said it. And I don't expect him to. Because truthfully if he did then I'd probably laugh in his face. What we have isn't love. It's more like hate. Or I don't know how to explain it all really. But it sure as hell isn't love. I don't believe in the whole butterfly's in the stomach, can't stop thinking about you kind of thing. It's all in the head. Whatever.

I'm sitting on the front steps of my house, waiting. He's late. Unless my watch is completely wrong so I check my cell phone. Nope. He's late. He'd be so pissed if it were the other way around. Then I see the black Range Rover. Great. I try to put on a smile. Doesn't work, it never works. The SUV stops in front of me and the passenger side window rolls down.

"Get in." He demands. I just nod and hop in. I put the seatbelt around me and lean back against the seat closing my eyes. "You're late." I whisper.

"So what?" Is all he says and the ride to school is ridden in silence.

"Meet me out here after class." He told me before getting out of the Range Rover. "Okay." I nod knowing I should probably pay attention so I don't have to stay after.

_Oh God. _I sat down in History. There he was. The gorgeous man that I had somehow become attracted to in like a day. What I wouldn't do to jump him. Here I am again. _Daydreaming. _He's talking about something and I'm not really paying attention. _Again. _He's right in front of me.

"See me after class again." _Oh No. _Why does he keep doing this? I don't want to stay. I haven't done anything wrong. Okay, so maybe not paying attention in class is wrong but it's his fault. He shouldn't look so damn good.

"I thought you didn't do this often." The class is gone. I didn't pay attention the whole lesson. Something's wrong with me. "I'm sorry, Mr. Atwood. I'm just going through some things with my boyfriend and I'm totally not in the right frame of mind. I promise tomorrow I'll listen." He nods.

"Please, pay attention. I've looked at your records, Taylor. You're a good student." He smiles. _Oh God, _that _smile. _

"I know. Like I said. Problems. And plus all of this senior year stuff. Look, Mr. Atwood. I really need to get out of here. I promise tomorrow I'll listen." I try to leave.

"Something's going on." What is he talking about? Why does he even care.

"With all due respect, you don't know me. So I would appreciate if you would just stay out of my business." Yes, I said that a little too harshly. But despite him looking completely edible there is a line and he's starting to cross it. The line is my life.

"It is my business when you've been in my class for two days and you're already failing. I assigned a quiz today. I get yours back blank." He holds it up.

"I need to go." I try to leave again.

"Then that hand print on your face. That's not something I can overlook." He's got my arm in his grip. I get flashes. Seth. Slaps. Punches. I scream.

"LET GO OF ME!" And I snatch my arm out of his grip and I'm running out of his class room as fast as I possibly can.

I decide to not go to the Range Rover. Instead I'm in the bathroom sitting on the disgusting toilet with my legs pulled up to my chest. Stupid man. If he would just not care. He's not supposed to care. No one cares. My phones ringing but I'm ignoring it. I turn it off and I just sit there until the bell rings.

I wait until everyone's in class to escape. I'm late. _Really _late. With my eyes on the floor I open the classroom door. My teacher's yelling at me. Old hag. I want to tell her off. I can't of course. Staying after class again is not an option. I need to meet Seth. Face my 'punishment' so I can go on with my day.

He's in the Rover. He's got the binder in his lap. I roll my eyes. He's worse when he's high. It started with pot. Yeah, whatever didn't bother me. It went to coke. I think he's even done heroine but truthfully I could care less. I'm a _terrible _girlfriend. So he's about to snort a line. I don't want to be around him. So instead of walking towards the SUV I head back into the school. The lounge is full of people right now. I'd rather not deal with them but it's better than dealing with my cokehead boyfriend. He was nothing like this before.

He was sweet and we had a good time together. I thought it was _love. _It's not. And it never was. I don't even believe in love. Things changed and I stopped caring about much. About anything.

At first I cared. I cared a whole lot. But now it's no big deal. Not to me anyway. I just don't want to be around it.

I _really _need to start paying attention to where I'm walking. Especially since I seem to keep bumping into blue eyes.

I think he's purposely running into me. He knows I'm not paying attention so he decides to walk in front of me. Act like it was an accident. Okay, so I'm a little full of myself. Because really I could care less. He's gorgeous. Even if he's trying to pry into my life.

"We should probably stop doing this." He lets out a small laugh like he had forgotten about earlier. "Yeah, maybe it's not me." I look up.

"That could be it." He gives me a smile. _THAT DAMN SMILE. _I want to touch his face. I have to keep my hands in my pockets so I don't reach out. On second thought I'd rather press my lips to his. Yeah, that'd be a lot nicer. God, Taylor get a _fucking _grip. He's your _teacher! _Plus I've got a boyfriend. A terrible boyfriend but I have one none-the-less oh and I can't forget about the ring on his finger. Or the smile he had when he talked to his wife on the phone yesterday.

"I need to get to class." I try to pass him. Why can't he just stop? Why can't he just leave me the hell alone. Sure I may be attracted to the guy but that doesn't mean he can pry into my damn life. Because as I look up at him I know he wants to say something. I feel a hand on my back. It's not Mr. Atwood's. No this hand is cold. Full of hate. It's Seth's. I see Mr. Atwood look up at my boyfriend. He doesn't smile at him. No, he's glaring.

I look down at my feet. Seth has his arm wrapped around my shoulder. He _never _does that. EVER. He's jealous. Or something. Who knows, who cares.

My head is spinning. I'm about to pass out. Too much tension. Too many people staring. Too much to handle. My vision is blurring. I don't say anything. I try to move but it's not working. I'm falling. I feel hands catch me. These aren't Seth's. Then everything goes black. Something is wrong. Something is _terribly _wrong. Or at least that's what it looks like since I'm being stared at when I wake up. I'm in the nurse's office. Seth's not there though. I don't care. Mr. Atwood's there. I'm really not sure why. "Taylor." The nurse takes my hand. I give her a strange look. She's smiling. _Oh God. _

"Uhm, yeah?" I look at her then back at Mr. Atwood. He's got a strange look on his face. "You passed out." Well Duh! That's what usually happens when my vision blurs and things go black.

"Can I leave?" I ask. I'm not feeling well. But I'd rather be walking than being stared at like I am. My stomach lurches. _Oh God. _Not again. That's how I woke up this morning. Feeling sick. "Trashcan." I mutter. It's now up to my face as I puke. Great. Just great. I'm currently puking in front of my teacher. My very very hot teacher.

"Taylor, I think we should talk." The nurse is looking at me. "I don't think so. It's just a little bug or something." I shrug and try to get up. She's not letting me. She glances at Mr. Atwood and now he's gone. I'm getting nervous. "Sweetie, are you pregnant?" Why on earth would that lady ask such a thing? NO! I want to scream. But truthfully I have no earthly idea. I can't be. I shake my head. "Okay." She smiles but she doesn't seem assured.

"Can I go home?" I ask. She nods and writes me a pass. I'm walking down the road now. I'm timing myself. _Again. _Except I'm passing my house and walking to the drug store. Maybe I should check. Just in case. I mean there is no way I'm pregnant. Sure I have sex. But it's protected. I'm even on birth control. It's negative. I'm smiling. Thank _God. _It's only stress. Or maybe I read the test wrong.

Whatever, don't care. I throw it in the trash and put it to the back of my mind.

Someone's knocking on the front door. I look like _shit. _It's probably just Seth so I really don't care. But it's not. No, this person standing in front of me is not my boyfriend. Nope, this is my teacher.

My very _hot _teacher I might add. "What are you doing here Mr. Atwood?" I fold my arms over my chest. He's rubbing the side of his face.

"I was worried…" He trailed off. "You shouldn't be. Can I ask why you even care about me? You sure don't treat your other students this way." He's shrugging.

Whatever. I invite him in. He's looking around the foyer. Even our foyer is huge.

"I mean you can ask. Doesn't mean I'm going to tell." He staring at me. _Oh God. _Blue eyes are lingering over my body. He needs to stop. I'm walking away. Towards the kitchen.

"Want something to drink?" I ask. He shakes his head no. "I was just seeing if you're okay." I nod.

"Yeah, just got a little overwhelmed." I fidget with my hands. I want him to leave. Okay, I don't but I don't want him to stay. Because I'm getting even more ready to jump him. Ride him right there in my kitchen. STOP!

"Alright." He's not leaving. He's walking over and leaning against the counter. I hop up on the counter opposite him. I'm swinging my legs back and forth. "What's that from?" He pointed to my arm. I look down. I'm wearing a short sleeve t-shirt. I shrug.

"I ran into something." I lied. No, that mark was Seth's. That's the spot he liked to grab me when he was pissed off. Somehow it's created a constant bruise.

"No you didn't." He should mind is own business. "Mr. Atwood what are you really doing here?" I ask. "Call me Ryan." Is all he says. I try to hide my smile.

"You never answered my question, Ryan." I emphasize on his name.

"I told you already. I came to check up on you." He says crossing his arms over his chest. _His chest. _It's probably amazing.

"Okay but you're still here. I mean you checked up on me already." Just leave.

"I know. I figure the longer I stay here the sooner you'll talk." He has some nerve. I'd rather not talk. I'd rather just climb him. I'm sure he's a much better _fuck_ than Seth. Maybe he'd even let me take control. I can't believe I'm thinking like this. I'm screaming at myself in my head. I need to stop. Now.

"No talking. Sorry." I lean my head against the top cabinet. I take a deep breath and close my eyes. Bad idea. I'm undressing him with my mind. I'm opening his shirt up and he's looking at me with so much lust. I open my eyes again. He's standing right in front of me now. I'm breathing heavy.

"Why do you let him hurt you?" He put his hand on my thigh. Okay I know for a fact a teacher shouldn't be doing this. But I'm not threatened. Instead I'm feeling safe. Feeling wanted. I just shake my head.

"You're better than that." He whispers. "How would you know? You don't even know me!" I cry out. He steps back a little and gives me a smirk. "I will." Is all he says. He's walking out of the kitchen.

I try to move. I try to run after him. Ask him what he's talking about. But I don't. Instead I stay at my spot on the counter until I hear the front door slam shut.

The door's opening again. I hold my breath. It's not him though. Nope. Not even close. I'm looking at dark eyes. Chocolate brown full of hate. He's pissed. He raises his hand to hit me. I'm getting ready for it. I close my eyes. Then nothing. I open them. He's still standing there with his hand up. I take a deep breath. Then I feel it. The sting. This is going to leave a mark. Just like always. He can't just hit me, he has to leave his mark. Stupid boyfriend.

"Done?" I ask before hopping off of the counter. He's breathing heavily. I sigh and we're walking upstairs. I don't enjoy this. But it happens every time. He expects it. So I give in. Once again I just don't care. He's rough. It hurts. I whimper he pushes harder. He's leaving bruises on my hips. He's done. Finally. I couldn't handle it a second longer. He's breathing heavily grabbing for his pants. I pull my covers up over my head.

"Who said we're done?" He pulls the covers off of me. "I did." I whisper reaching for them again.

He's gone now. My room's totally dark. I forget about homework. I'm not interested anymore. School used to be my most favorite thing in the world. Now it's a waste of my time. Now I wish I could just hide away from the world.


	3. Chapter 3

**Mmhmm. Totally love writing this story. I think I have a thing for people being hurt. O.o Anyhow figured since it's 12 am (my time.) it technically is the next day. Soooo here you are! Hope you like it.**

Chapter 3

"…500 words minimum. Explain the first part of the chapter in your own words." I was actually listening today. Writing things down. It was finally Friday. I had the whole weekend at home alone. I told Seth that I needed a weekend to myself. He just nodded. I knew he wouldn't allow it. He'd probably end up stopping by but I had to at least try.

Ryan had kept me everyday after class except for today because I gave him no reason to keep me. I didn't want to be close to him. No. Not again. It was hard to be close to him and not kiss him. God, I don't even know the guy and I'm thinking of kissing him.

"Taylor." He's stopping me from leaving class. I don't want to stay. I want to go to Seth. Okay, I take that back. I don't want to go to see Seth but I have no other choice. I'm not in the mood for sex today. And if he hits me then I know that's what it will result in.

"I can't." I try leaving. He's stepping towards me.

"Here." He hands me the quiz from Tuesday. He's letting me make it up. I smile and quickly sit down in an empty chair. I text Seth quickly. Tell him what's going on. Ryan's on the phone. He's talking to his wife or I'm assuming that he's talking to her. If only I could hear the other part of the conversation.

"It's a boy…" A boy? Is his wife pregnant? I want to know. I'm nosy. He's not smiling. Does he not want a baby? He hangs up and puts his head in his hands. I ask what's wrong. I know I shouldn't but I don't have a choice. I do but I don't. "My wife. She's pregnant. And I'm not in love with her anymore." He takes a deep breath. I can't believe he just told me all of that. Why would he tell me all of that?

"Love isn't real. It's all in your head." I state simply trying to turn my attention back to the quiz. "You really believe that?" He asks from his desk. I nod. "You're right." He says slowly. "I'm always right." I give him a smile. He gives one back.

"Mr. Atwood, can I ask are you like this with a lot of students?" I'm sitting on the edge of my chair waiting for his answer. He shakes his head and smiles again. "Never." He's got this look in his eyes. A look of lust. "Good." I smile and finish the quiz. He's grading it and all of my answers are right. "See what you can do when you listen." He hands it back to me.

"It's your fault I'm not listening." I say and walk to get my stuff. He's laughing and shaking his head as I head to my next class. The bells ringing. Thankfully I'm not late. I'm on cloud 9.

At least I am until lunch. Seth's pissed and I'm his punching bag. Whatever. It should be over soon. I take a deep breath and try to remember Ryan's smile. Mr. Atwood. My _gorgeous teacher. _Oh God, I have feelings for my _teacher! _How sick can I get?

I'm running to the bathroom. I'm going to be sick. Again. I'm leaning up against the stall door now wishing to disappear from the world. I wash my face in the sink and apply make-up to any bruises I can find on my face.

I'm missing my social chair position. It took a lot of my time up. It was nice. I've become like this recluse since Seth became my boyfriend.

It's Saturday. Thank God. I'm alone. My mom decided she needed a vacation. Seth was going to visit his mom this weekend in rehab then he and his dad were going to do stuff together. So I was spared a weekend. It was amazing.

Pants piss me off. So I try not to wear them whenever I possibly can. When I'm home alone is usually when that happens. The doorbell's ringing. I forget that I'm in just my panties and a tank top until I'm standing facing my History teacher. I'm well aware now that I'm practically naked!

He's got this smirk on his face. He's rubbing his chin. _Oh God, he's checking me out. _I know I'm blushing. But I'm not moving. I'm still standing in front of him half dressed.

"Do you always answer your door dressed like that?" He's laughing. "I didn't the other day." I smirk. "True." He nods.

"Very. Come in. I'm going to run up stairs and put some clothes on." I'm still blushing.

"If that's what you want." At first I thought he was referring to him coming in. But he's not. He's referring to me putting clothes on. Oh God, my history teacher is a bit of a perv. But strangely. I like it.

The next thing I know I'm pushing him down on the couch. I'm straddling his legs. My lips haven't touched his yet. But his hands are my hips. I groan. He just touched my bruise. He's lifting my shirt up a little. He sees the bruises. He stops. Pushes me off of him. I take a deep breath.

"I'm so sorry! I didn't mean for that to happen. You're so hot. And you just keep showing up and I just…" He's laughing. Oh God, why is he laughing at me? I'm being honest and he's laughing!

"Does he do that?" He's not laughing anymore. Now he's pointing to my hips. I'm pulling my shirt down. "I'm going to get dressed." I start to get up from the couch. He's got my hand now.

"You can tell me." He whispers.

"It's none of your business. Now I would really like to put some clothes on." I fake smile at him. He nods and let's me go. He's still sitting on the couch when I return downstairs. I'm in a pair of sweat pants now. I pulled on a long sleeve t-shirt too.

"Trying to hide something?" He lifts an eye brow seeing me. "My body." I sigh and sit next to him. "You shouldn't." My _teacher _is trying to seduce me. But I can't deny that I don't like it. Because I really do.

"Why me?" I'm asking. He just smiles. "Why not?" He asks.

"Are you like one of those pervy teachers who go after their students because you have like this weird fantasy or something?" I ask. He shakes his head.

"Never been attracted to a student before." That makes me happy. I'm acting like he's attracted to me. I change the subject. "So, tell me about your wife." I'm smiling acting like I really care.

"She's a model. Marissa Cooper. I met her in college. We got married after we both graduated. Just moved here a few weeks ago. Now she's pregnant." He sighs. He hasn't smiled the whole time he's talking about her.

"Okay, Monday you were all happy to be talking to her on the phone and now you're not in love with her anymore?" I question.

"It's a front. As much as my wife and I barely get along I'm not leaving her." He looks over at me. "What are you doing here, Ryan?" I find myself asking. There has to be a reason. What does he think he's going to get from me?

"To talk." I look in his eyes and truthfully think he's being honest. "Do you not have friends to talk to?" I question jokingly.

"Can't. Marissa and I share the same friends." He answers truthfully.

"Are you happy about having a baby?" I ask. Of course he isn't because the look on his face tells me that. "I don't know. Never saw myself having kids with Marissa." He runs his hand through his hair. _Oh God, _he's so _sexy. _"Oh." I can't say anything else. I'm _fucking horny. _This isn't happening. No. No. NO! He's my _teacher! _I keep thinking if I tell myself that so many times that it will stick in my head and I'll instantly be turned off. It's not working so far. But it's only been a week.

"I'm hungry." I get off of the couch quickly. He's laughing but he's following me. We're eating. I love to cook. Apparently he likes to eat.

"That wasn't too bad." He teases. "I know." I say confidently. My phone's ringing. It's Seth. I ignore it.

"Where's your wife? I mean shouldn't you be home with her instead of here with me?" I ask as I was the dishes we dirtied. "She's visiting her mom in New York." He takes a deep breath.

"Oh, so you thought you'd just come visit your student?" I smile. He nods.

"You know I should probably start that essay. So…" I trail off seeing if he wants to leave yet. Because I know if he doesn't then I can't say I won't kiss him.

"Where's your boyfriend?" He asks out of nowhere. "He's visiting his mom." I answer and my smile fades. He's the last person I want to talk about. Out goes my good mood.

"Where's your mom?" He asks. Why is he asking me so many questions? "Vacation." I answer simply. "You're home alone?" He raises an eyebrow. What is he thinking? Oh how I want to get into that head of his. "Always." I'm walking out of the kitchen now. He's not following me.

"You leaving?" I ask. He nods. "Thanks for lunch." I realize that he nods a lot. Almost too much. "No problem. I hope you have a good weekend." I smile turning towards the stairs to walk up them. "See you Monday." He's got my hand. _Sparks._ I think he can feel them too. He's kissing my cheek now. It takes so much to not kiss him on the lips.

I know this relationship or whatever we have going on here isn't normal. It's not appropriate either. But I'm not stopping it.

"Look, Ryan. You're what, 25? I'm 17. Why are you coming on to me? I mean that is what you're doing, right?" I'm questioning him. I barely ever care what I say. This time is no different.

"24." Is all he says. "A year doesn't make such a difference." I cross my arms pulling my hand away. "Yes it does. 18 makes a lot of difference to 17." He states.

"True." I'm nod. He's right but why's it even matter.

"Still you're seven years older than me. You visiting me, are you sure it's appropriate?" I asks. Of course it isn't. No other teacher of mine has ever come to my house and let me straddle their legs. "Probably not, but I won't tell anyone." He smirks. "Me either." I whisper and he's leaving. I watch him leave and I'm smiling.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

I can't think. I don't know if it's because I'm still freaking out from the touch of Ryan's lips on my cheek or the fact that my boyfriend is right now on his way over. I'm trying to write my essay. Nothing's coming to me. Still. I've been trying to write this thing since Ryan left Saturday. It's Sunday night and I still have a blank document. The door to my room swings open. Seth's standing there. He looks half dead as he walks over and sits on my bed.

"What's wrong?" I ask more so because I'm nosy than because I care. He shrugs. _Stupid. _Now I really want to know what's got him looking like a zombie. You know the one's in the cheesy horror movies you can't help but watch. I particularly love them. Strange but I find them more interesting than one's that actually look real. Seth whines whenever I try to get him to watch one. Says something about poor lighting. I don't know and once again when it comes to my boyfriend I don't care. "What did you do all weekend? I tried calling." He sounds a little disappointed in me.

"I told you on Friday what I was doing and I did exactly that. I left the house once to go pick up something to eat last night." I sigh pulling my hand through my hair. He's shaking his head and I'm trying to force myself to at least write down a word to this stupid essay.

"You're lying." I'm not dumb. I know not to lie to him because yeah I might not do anything about him hitting me but I do like to prevent it as best as I possibly can.

"No, Seth. I'm really not." I roll my eyes. Bad idea. There's the stinging again. I'm praying to God that he doesn't want sex. I'm not in the mood, well truthfully I'm never in the mood for sex with Seth.

"Not tonight." I grumble picking my book up and opening it to the first chapter. My memory is fuzzy and I need to focus on this damn essay. Stupid teacher. Well, stupid _hot _teacher. I smile. Seth notices and asks why. I shrug and say because he's there. A total lie. Why I feel the need to lie to him and pretend I have any sort of affection towards him is beyond me.

"Get up, get dressed." He's standing up now. "Seth, I'm not going anywhere." I look up at him. "I'm hungry." Like I care? "But I'm not. I'm sure there's something in the kitchen." I look back down at my book and pretend to be interested. He's walking out the door. If he slams it then he's leaving. But he doesn't slam it. So now I'm sitting on my bed with my eyes shut tightly trying to keep my tears from escaping.

"You didn't say you had Thai last night." He walks into the room with a take-out carton in his hand. "You didn't ask." I sigh and I'm finally able to write the first word on my paper. My name. How silly can I get not even being able to put my name at the top of the page.

"Where's your head at?" Ryan's asks. I'm sitting in his classroom until the next bell rings.

"Everywhere. I mean my boyfriend is a total jerk and my mom is totally into herself oh and not to mention her rich boy toys." I bang my head against the cold desk. I don't know why I'm talking to him. I feel like I've known him for years. I haven't. Only a week. Now it's Monday and here I am heading into my second week of falling for my _teacher _which is also my second week of senior year and I have accomplished nothing.

"I didn't get your essay." He's flipping through papers. I lift my head off of the desk.

"Oh yeah about that. You see I tried to write it but nothing came out. NOTHING. I barely even wrote my name on the top of the paper." I'm pathetic.

"I wish I could extend your due date but I can't. How about this you get it in to me today before midnight and I'll take it." He's smiling.

"Thank you!" I cry and I'm about to jump up and hug him but that's not appropriate.

"Get to class." He says as the next bell rings. I say another thank you and hurry off.

I'm writing like crazy. Maybe all it took was to see my sexy teacher to make me be able to write my essay. I'm already past 500 words. Now all I have to do is print it and…_Oh God. _What did I just click? The document opened in front of me on the computer screen is now blank. My essay is _gone. _It's already 6.

I take a deep breath and text Ryan. He had given me his number before I left. I don't even know why he said it was a just in case type of thing. I asked if his wife read his messages. He said no_. _

Instead of texting back he's calling me. My heart drops. "Hello?" I answer a little shakily.

"What do you mean you lost your essay?" He sounds confused.

"I was just about to print it out and I hit some sort of button and now it's gone. Vanished." I'm pissed. Stupid computer. "Rewrite it." He says simply.

"Are you kidding me?!" I say a little too loudly but I'm in my bedroom so it doesn't matter.

"You have to have that essay in to me by tonight or you get a 0." If he wasn't so damn sexy I would totally be pissed at him right now. "Fine, fine. Can you come pick it up around 10?" I ask biting my lip. I can tell he's smiling. "I can." And now I'm busy writing again. Or typing. Whatever.

I call Seth. Mr. Cohen says he's sleeping. I just wanted to make sure he didn't stop by unexpectedly. I find it odd that he's sleeping and it's barely 7 yet, though. I ask why and he says he had a long day or something to that effect. Once again I only asked due to the fact I'm nosy not because I care. I've already admitted that I am a lousy girlfriend.

Finally at 10:15 my essay is printing out of the wireless printer on my desk. I take a deep breath and lean back on my bed pushing my laptop off my lap. I'm exhausted.

The doorbell rings and I'm not so exhausted anymore. I don't have to fake a smile around Ryan. It just comes naturally. He's standing with his hands in his pockets. Looking as gorgeous as ever.

"Finished?" He asks. I nod and hand him the stapled papers. "It deserves an A." I wink.

"I'm sure it does." He laughs. "Thank you, again." I hug him.

"I'll see you tomorrow." Now he's gone and my heart is racing. If I'm not careful than I'm pretty sure it might just jump out my damn throat.

"Why have you been in such a good mood?" Seth asks on the ride to school the next morning. I have to admit I probably have been smiling a little more than usual.

"Does there have to be a reason? Can't I just be happy?" I ask a little harshly. "Sure." Is all he says. I laugh a little. I'm looking forward to History. I can already tell I'm going to start liking school again.

"A plus." Ryan's handing back our essay. He gives me mine with a cute smile. I squeal a little. I'm known in this class already for my random outbursts. Usually involving me thinking I'm saying something in my head but actually speaking it out loud. So maybe that doesn't just happen in this class. It is possible my outbursts happen a lot. Okay, a lot is an understatement.

"Hey." Everyone's gone out of class. My most favorite part of the day. Seth's grown accustomed to me not meeting him by now. He's not smiling when he looks up at me from his laptop. He's been on it most of class only really standing up to pass out the essay papers.

"What's wrong?" I ask walking over to his desk. "Nothing, just had a late night. After school I get to go home and paint my sons room." He's rubbing his face now. He looks stressed. "You sure that's it?" I ask. Now it's my turn to do the prying.

"Yeah, I guess. I mean no, actually I'm dealing with my mom right now. She's a drunk and she's decided she needs my help." He's got his head in his hands.

"Your moms a drunk and mines a bitch. They almost go together." I try to make him smile. It works. "Thanks." He says to me. "For what?" I asked a little confused.

"For listening and not saying you're sorry." He smirks.

"Sorry doesn't help anything or anyone. It's just something people say when they don't have anything better to say. At that moment I happened to have something better to say." He's got his thumb rubbing up against his lip now. _Oh God. _I need to look away but I can't.

Then I do because there's a noise coming from the door. Standing in the doorway is who I am assuming is his wife. Tall, blonde, beautiful and not to mention her protruding stomach.

"Ryan." She's got a large smile on her face as she waddles over to her husband. The smile he gives her is sweet but fake. I can tell or at least I think I can tell. I should probably go. But something's making me stay there. He kisses the top of her head and they direct their attention to me.

"Marissa this is one of my student's Taylor, Taylor this is my wife Marissa." She seems nice. But I instantly hate her. Could be because I have feelings for her husband. Not like love feelings but attraction feelings. If that makes any sense whatsoever.

"It's nice to meet you. I should be getting to class, thank you Mr. Atwood for the help." I smile walking over and grabbing my books quickly. Before I exit the room I turn around and he's smiling at me. I half expected him to be kissing his wife or something.

Coming out of Ryan's class room I bump into my boyfriend. "Why are you always around that guy?" He questions. I don't understand why he even cares in the first place. "He's my teacher, Seth." I roll my eyes walking towards my locker with him trailing behind me.

"Yeah well I don't look at my teachers the way you look at him. Is there something going on between you two?" He asks grabbing my arm. He's got his fingers on the bruises and he's squeezing harder than usual. I shake my head. "Of course not!" I let out trying to fight my tears.

"Good, I'll meet you at his door everyday after first class then." He really doesn't trust me. Now I'm pissed. Not because he doesn't trust me but because I won't get to talk to Ryan after class anymore.

"Whatever." And he walks off.

Wednesday morning starts off terrible. I'm just wishing the day would go by quicker. Before we even get to school my boyfriends already striking me across my face. I don't even remember doing anything wrong. My cover up isn't helping this time. I figure I can lie and say I ran into something. It always seems to work. Or at least it does on everyone but Ryan. He's giving me a strange look all through class. I'm not paying attention and he's not making me. He's got this worried look in his eyes like he knows something is wrong.

The bell rings for the end of class and I'm packing my things up. It should take Seth at least a minute to get from his class to here so I walk up to Ryan's desk.

"So my boyfriend is jealous of you." I half laugh. He raises an eyebrow. "He thinks there is something going on between us and…there he is." I sigh heavily seeing him waiting for me at the door. I don't even let Ryan say anything I'm already running towards Seth. Seth seems pleased. Whatever.

We walk past Summer Roberts and I catch him watching her. Not my problem. You can tell he wants to be with her. I can give many reasons why no one should ever be with Seth Cohen. Maybe I should listen to my own advice.

I have a text. Seth's occupied with his locked so I check it. It's from Ryan asking what had just happened. I smile. He cares. I need to get a _fucking _grip for crying out loud! He's my _teacher! _I should not in any way be thinking about my history teacher in a sexual way. Or any way other than him being my teacher. I'm screwed.

I make sure Seth isn't paying attention when I text back. I'd rather not have him yell or snatch my phone away. I told him I would tell him later. After school. My house. _Oh God. _I did not just invite my teacher over to my house. And like that no less. I probably sound like I want to jump his bones or something. Okay maybe I do but that's not what I was going for when I texted him! But now, that doesn't sound so bad…NO! _Get these thoughts out of your head!_ I scream at myself. I think I'm going insane. I'm currently taking a crash landing on the planet of insane. Uh, why can't my life just be normal? Hah, normal. I'd like to know what that feels like.


	5. Chapter 5

**I love writing this story. As dark as it may be. But there WILL be a happy ending. Thank you so much for the reviews! I appreciate it! **

Chapter 5

"So what was that about?" Ryan's at my door.

Seth had some dinner to go to with his grandpa. I hate particularly can't stand the man. Although he does constantly tell Seth not to let go of me. Seth never says anything back though so we all know that he'll let me go as soon as he gets the real girl he wants. I'm just something to take his mind off of waiting.

Ryan's no longer in his school attire. In class he wears button up shirts. Now he's wearing a plain t-shirt. Blue. Almost matches his eyes. I ask him to come in before I explain.

"Apparently I look at you differently than I do my other teachers. I don't know. He's just being Seth and I have to go along with it. So it's probably best if we don't talk at school." That's the last thing I want. "Why are you with him?" He's asking.

"Why's it matter?" I ask curiously sitting down on the couch. He sits close to me. It freaks me out a little but then it gets more comfortable.

"It doesn't, it's just clearly he's an ass." He shrugs. He has no idea what he's talking about. Okay he does. Seth is an ass but he has no right to come into my house and start barging into my life.

"He might be but he's still my boyfriend and I….love him." I choke out. The part where I said I loved Seth was possibly the most difficult thing I've ever had to say or at least today.

"No you don't." He shakes his head. What does he know? He barely even knows me! Now I'm pissed and I'm standing up.

"Get out." I put my hand to my forehead. He's not listening. Instead he's pulling me back down on the couch next to him. I'm not protesting.

"I'm sorry. It's just as much as you try to deny it and say you're clumsy I know that those bruises are from him." He has no right. I shake my head.

"Please leave. I don't feel like talking to you right now." Now I'm standing up and walking towards the front door. I open it and he walks towards me.

"You know I'm right." He says before walking out. I slam the door quickly before running upstairs and hiding in my covers.

When I thought Wednesday sucked I didn't think about how bad Thursday could possibly be. And it tops Wednesday by a long shot.

Seth meets me at my house that morning and sees I'm not dressed. I tell him I'm staying home. He gets mad and starts kicking me. I give in and get dressed. Despite the fact that now I'm in more pain than I would have liked. Even my clothes feel too tight around me.

Now I'm sitting in Ryan's class five minutes late. He acts like I'm in trouble but I know by the look on his face that he's glad I did something so he'd make me talk to him after class. I'll just tell Seth I got in trouble for being late. That's not totally untrue.

"You look dead." Ryan laughed at me. Great. "Just not feeling good…didn't sleep well. I need to get going." I pick up my books and rush out of there.

Seth's got a look on his face that I thought I wouldn't see for at least a few more hours. "I'm so sorry." I whisper. He just walks past me and I really have no idea why he's pissed.

I haven't done a thing wrong. NOTHING.

I'm not feeling well so I leave school early. I thought going home would make everything better. But it just got worse. My mom happened to have returned from her vacation today. She's standing in the kitchen with her hands on her hips and her lips pursed together.

"You look like you've been run over by a truck, Taylor. Stand up straight." She instructs. I don't listen. Instead I'm opening the fridge door and pulling out a bottle of water.

"I'm thinking we should start you on another diet, what do you say?" She's smiling. My mom gets kicks out of my suffering.

"I say I'm okay with how I look. I've had a rough day I'm going to bed." I try but no she's not letting me go that easily.

"If you keep at this Seth Cohen is just going to leave you, Taylor. Then who will you be? Hmmm? You'll be no one! Sure he's a little geeky but he's from money and you'll never have to worry if you're with him. So start caring more about your appearance." She scoffs. I'm leaning against the counter waiting for her to finish.

"If I'm not up to Seth's standards then he can leave me. I'm not making him stay around." I tell her with my arms crossing over my chest.

"If Seth leaves you'll be alone. No other man would ever want you." She laughs.

"We'll see about that." I say under my breath stalking out of the room. I hate my mother. And as far as I can tell she hates me too.

My phone's buzzing. I glance over at my clock and apparently I've only been sleeping an hour_. Ryan._ "Uhm, hello?" I answer uncertainly.

"Hey. You okay?" He asks. Does he not remember the fact that I am his student? That it's probably against some huge rule to not be any even a friendly relationship with me. Not that I mind. If I had my way it'd probably be way more than that. But that's not the point. The point is people could speculate. Then he'd get in trouble. Possibly go to jail. Well, not jail. He's hasn't done anything to get him into jail. Not yet anyway. How come I can't seem to get dirty thoughts about my freaking history teacher out of my head? I can answer that but I don't want to. I just want to close my eyes and forget everything. But I can't. He called me. So now I'm stuck on the phone with him. Thoughts of him being next to me in bed, _naked_, flood through my head. I can't even speak due to the fact I'm so shocked with myself. I've never been like this before.

"Where's your wife?" I ask. Not really caring. And I probably said it a tad too sharply. "What's that matter? I called to see if you were okay…" He sounded a tad bit hurt. I cared. But I couldn't let on that I cared. No, somehow I had to make myself stop liking my _teacher. _It was only making things more difficult than they already were.

"I don't know, Ryan." I sigh and lean my head against my wall closing my eyes. "I'm sorry, Taylor." He sounds sorry but for what I have no idea. "I should go." I take a deep breath fighting back the urge to ask him to come over.

"Can I see you?" He asks quickly. She was about to say no until her mother had quickly walked into her room and said she'd be gone for the next couple of days.

"Sure, my mom just left. Park down the street. Which is probably what you should do from now on." I say like he'll be coming around a lot more. One can only hope. But I know I shouldn't hope. I know I'm getting way ahead of myself. Setting myself up from more hurt than I can take. But I'm Taylor Townsend and I can take whatever life decides to throw at me.

"Why exactly do I have to park down the street?" Ryan asked as I let him in the house. "For safety purposes. Don't want someone to think we're doing anything wrong, right?" I gave him a smile. He laughed and walked with me to the couch.

"Want something to drink?" I asked him before sitting down. He shakes his head so I settle in down next to him. He looks nervous.

"So, what's going on?" I ask him. He takes a deep breath and runs his hand through his hair. "Everything." He laughs.

"What do you mean?" I ask curiously.

"I don't know actually. I'm just stressed." He smiles his amazing smile at me. I smile back and inch a little closer to him. Great. Just great. Now he's so close that it's even harder than usual to refrain from kissing him. But so far so good. At least I'm not straddling his lap again. I'm pretty sure that was a bad idea on my part.

"About Marissa and the baby?" I ask him. "Yeah a little." He says harshly. I think I just hit a sore spot. "Bad subject?" I ask.

He's looking away from me so I grab his face and turn it towards me. _Oh God. _Bad idea. Because now I'm staring deep into his eyes. We're inching closer. Closer. Almost there.

His phone rings. I can't decide if I'm pissed off or happy that it rang and broke us apart.

"I don't care, Marissa. Just get out." He put his hand on his hand over his face and is breathing deeply. I want to comfort him. I don't know how though.

"I told you, I'm not staying with you, you cheated on me! I won't abandon him but I can't stay with you." So, that's why he's here.

I take my hand and without really thinking I rest it on his thigh. He jerks his head up and I can hear her yelling at him over the phone. But he's not listening. No. He's staring into my eyes again. I start rubbing the inside of his thigh. He's still looking at me.

"We'll talk later." He tells the yelling woman before shutting the phone, all the while still watching me. "What are you doing?" He croaks out. I watch him gulp as I lean in and almost touch his lips. Except I'm just letting them linger there. I can tell he's getting frustrated.

"You're my teacher." I whisper against his lips looking into his eyes.

"So?" He pulls my body closer to his. Our lips still haven't met.

"You could get in trouble for this. Get fired…" He cuts me off with his lips attacking mine. _Oh God. _I'm in Heaven. I'm kissing my hot _history teacher! _In my freaking living room of all places! This kiss is possibly ten times better than my many kisses with my boyfriend. Oh no. My boyfriend. I have a boyfriend. I need to pull away. NOW. I can't. No. I just want to keep at this because I can feel his hands pulling me onto his lap now and I straddle his legs. His hands are on my hips sending vibrations through my entire body.

My phone's ringing. I'm trying to take my mind off of answering it and just keep it on the fact that Ryan now has his hands on my back reaching to unhook my bra. I try to break away.

"Leave it." He says. "It could be Seth." I try and it helps. His eyes turn from lustful to hateful in a matter of seconds. It frightens me a little. I start cursing myself mentally for stopping that _amazing _and _hot _make-out session.

"I'm sorry." I tell him not getting off of his lap right away to answer my phone. I could really care less now. "Don't be. That shouldn't have happened…" He pushes me off of his lap.

"But it did! So tomorrow at school we're just going to act like we did not just make-out on my couch!?" I stand up in front of him. He lets out a strange laugh.

"What?" I demand with my hands on my hips. He's shaking his head and the phone has finally stopped ringing.

"You missed your boyfriends call." He says harshly. "I don't care about him!" I stomp my foot like a 5-year old.

"Sure about that? I mean just yesterday you said you loved him." He sounds made at ME! "I don't love him. I hate him with everything in me. Happy I finally told you!?" I yell flailing my arms now. I probably look like an idiot but I don't care. "Then why are you with him?" He demands standing up now. I step back so we aren't so close.

"Because!" Is all I say. There's no real answer to why I'm with him. Ryan shakes his head at me and takes his hands on places them on my hips.

"Stop." I look down not pulling away. He takes a hand and pulls my chin up to look at him. So now I'm staring at his eyes. _Those beautiful blue eyes_

_. _"Why are you with him?" He asks again. This time I say "No one else will want me." I can't believe I just admitted that. I barely ever admitted to myself. So why was I admitting it to my _fucking__history teacher! _

"I do." Did I just hear him correctly? Did my teacher just tell me he wanted me? I'm sure my face looks confused because he let's out a small laugh.

"I know I'm your teacher but…something's there and you can't tell me you don't feel it too." He says. I can feel it. I felt it the second I laid my eyes on him in class. Barely two weeks ago! I don't say anything. Instead I'm taking my hands and wrapping them around his neck.

"If you don't tell. I won't tell." I can't believe I just said that. No. No. No. I shouldn't be doing this! But how can I not looking into his blue eyes? He licks his lips and now we're about to kiss again. The doorbell's ringing. I'm thanking God that our door doesn't have a window of some kind.

"Upstairs, first door on the right is my room." I tell him quickly trying not to panic. He smirks at me before moving towards the stairs.

I wait until I can't see him anymore before opening the front door. I'm currently praising myself for telling Ryan to park down the street because standing in front of me is a certain curly haired boy that would totally be drop kicking me right now if he saw it.

"Where were you? Why have you been ignoring my calls?" He's pissed off. I should really stop doing whatever I did to piss him off.

"My phone was down here and I was upstairs. I didn't hear it." I tell him. My phone is down here but I wasn't upstairs and I did hear it.

He doesn't take that answer. Nope or else my head wouldn't be hitting the white wall in my foyer if he did. I hate when he pushes me. I hate when he touches me. I just hate him. He's hitting me in my stomach. Then my face. The next thing I know I'm crouching down on the floor clutching my stomach. I hope he's not expecting me to have sex with him now. Even if Ryan weren't upstairs there is no way my body could handle it.

"I'll see you in the morning." Is all he says before walking out of my house and slamming the door shut behind him. I don't start screaming until after he's gone. I hadn't noticed it before but I'm bleeding. The blood's all over my pants and the floor. He didn't cut me. No the blood's coming from a different place.

"RYAN!" I'm screaming. I hope he can hear me. Now there's pain. _Horrible_ pain. It feels like hours until he's by my side.

"What in the hell?" He's trying to help me up.

"Call 911." Is all I say. Something's wrong. Something's very very wrong.


	6. Chapter 6

**I'm going to warn you right now that this story only gets darker. Much darker BUT I do promise that the ending will be all happy and amazing. Writing about Taylor losing all of that blood was hard cause it happened to me. The blood transfusion thing too. And I added the itching part cause it did itch. Anyhow uhm that's it. This one's short than normal but hopefully you like it? OH and Ryan's not going to go after seth. YET.**

Chapter 6

"You can't be here when the ambulance comes." I tell him running out of breath. He's standing next to me with a paled face. The ambulance has been called and were on their way. It'd probably take close to ten minutes for them to arrive.

"I can't leave you." He tells me. "You have to. Ryan, as much as I want you to stay you're still my teacher. How will you explain why you were at my house, alone?" I ask. How I'm thinking rationally in a time like this is beyond me.

"I don't know. Please don't make me leave." He begs. He has to go. There is no way I will get him in trouble. No possible way.

"Go." I tell him sternly. I can tell he knows he should leave before they get here. He's got a strange look in his eyes. He's torn. At that moment I realize he cares about me. My history teacher actually cares. The first person in my entire life to care about my well being. I suddenly stop caring about him leaving.

These pains are jolting through my body like bombs. I reach down and reveal my bloody hand. I feel like I could pass out, not just from the sight of blood but from losing all of that blood. Now as I look down at my feet I can see a puddle. It's growing. I'm freaking out. I look over at Ryan and he's paled. He doesn't know what to do. There isn't much we can do but wait for the ambulance. My mom is going to _kill _me when she sees our white floor covered in blood. Unless this kills me first. "Taylor, look at me. Taylor." Everything's getting so blurry. I can only hear Ryan's muffled voice. I'm searching for him but then everything goes black.

I've never been so scared in my life but waking up in that hospital bed with different needles poking my skin. That was scary. Especially since one of those needles happened to be pushing blood into my body. I'm freaking out currently and I don't realize that there are hands on my arms pushing me down to the bed. I take a deep breath and then there's another needle sticking into my arm. I'm calm now but suddenly things are going black again.

I'm awake and aware now. The Doctor is talking to me. Saying something about a miscarriage. They are asking who did this. I tell them I don't know. I say it was a stranger. I can tell by the look on his face that he doesn't believe me but he just nods. He leaves the room and I realize I'm all alone now. No one's by my side to comfort me. I'm _alone_, again.

Wait a second did he say miscarriage? What? I suddenly want him back in here and tell me exactly what he was talking about. How did I have a miscarriage, I wasn't even pregnant. No. _Oh God, _I'm about to break down when suddenly the door to the room opens.

The smiling face in front of me calms me down at little. But now I'm worried. Worried that they think he did this to me. "What are you doing here?" I ask. Probably not the best thing to ask because his smile turns to a frown.

"You don't want me here? I can leave." Ryan pointed his thumb towards the door. "No, uhm what happened after I…after I blacked out?" I asked curiously. I wasn't sure why I wanted to know. Maybe because I wanted to make sure he was okay. To make sure they didn't accuse him.

"Well, the ambulance came and they brought you here. I told them I was picking up some papers from you and that I lived in the neighborhood so I walked over." He sat down in the in the chair next to my bed.

"Oh. Uhm…you didn't say anything about…who…did this, did you?" I ask fiddling with my fingers. He shakes his head no but he's got a frown on his face and I can tell he wants to say something but I don't want to hear it so I hold up my hand.

"Don't, I need rest. Thanks…for you know…staying by my side and stuff but you should probably go." I said closing my eyes.

"You're right I should go. You know incase your boyfriend actually cares and shows up. I doubt it though." I can see the hurt in his face. I don't understand why he's hurt. I'm the one who almost got beat to death. I'm the one who apparently had a miscarriage. Before I can say something or rather yell something he leaves. Now I'm alone. It's a normal feeling these days.

I want out of this bed. But they say I can't go anywhere. Apparently I lost so much blood. I realize that the blood is still being pumped through my vain via needle. I'm itching all over. The nurse said it was normal. I asked her if my mom knew I was here. She bowed her head and said yes. Then she told me she would have the doctor come in and talk to me. I tell her no. I say I want to know where my mother is and why she's not by my side. Of course she isn't here. She has more important things to do than worry about her daughter. Then the nurse said my mother came by. She said that I was to call her before I left and that she'd come pick me up. And apparently I was in trouble for the stain in the foyer.

I'm surprised that I'm not being pressed for information about who hit me. I'm also surprised they didn't think Ryan did it. Maybe he left before they got there. I'll never know now because I just ran him off. I just ran off the one person who cares about me.

I start wondering about Seth. I wonder if he knows I'm in the hospital. Or if he even cares he almost killed me. He probably doesn't. Then I start to wonder what I should do about this. Should I leave him? Well _of course _I should. But do I have the courage? The strength or power to break up with him? There's just too much to think about right now.

I want to hide. Hide away from the world. Maybe crawl into some type of hole. Not underground though, I'd rather not get dirt in my hair or anywhere else on my body for that matter. I turn my body to face the wall opposite from the door when I hear it open. I really don't feel like talking to anyone.

"Taylor." His voice makes my body tense up. I want him out. Out of this room and out of my life. But I can't get myself to say it. I don't turn over to look at him.

"I'm sorry." Is all he says. Sorry? Sorry isn't going to cut it. Sorry is like the worst thing he could say right now. _Anything but sorry!_ Because I know he's not sorry. He's happy he did this. I can tell in his voice that he doesn't regret hurting me.

"You're not sorry." I stutter. My whole body is shaking now. I don't know if it's because I'm cold or because I'm terrified with him around me.

"Taylor, you know I wouldn't hurt you on purpose." BULL! I want to jump up from this bed now and ask him how exactly did he not want to hurt me? Obviously he did or else I wouldn't be lying in this hospital bed now.

"I was pregnant." Is all I say. Silence. I don't hear anything from behind me. Not until I hear the door to the room slam. That's when I look. He's gone. Here's to hoping he's out of my life for good. Here's to hoping I don't take him back. I shut my eyes tightly. I want to be home and in my bed.


	7. Chapter 7

**Things are only going to get worse for Taylor before they get better. So, don't hate me. Please? Bah, I hate that I chose Seth as the bad guy. D: it's currently becoming difficult to write him as a terrible guy. **

Chapter 7

My whole life has consisted of me pining for someone's attention. I've just wanted someone to be there, for them to actually care. I needed someone to care. I needed the attention so bad that I sought it out in all the wrong places. _Seth Cohen_.

He gave me the attention I so craved even if it came from punches and kicks. He still paid a tiny bit of attention to me and that is all that mattered. But now none of that matters. Now I'm all alone. Alone to face everything. With no one by my side.

You'd think my mother would have an ounce of sympathy that her only child almost died. But she doesn't. No she's giving me this death glare as I smooth down my hair. She doesn't even ask how it happened or why I was bleeding. The nurse already told her apparently. She then made a comment about not having to worry about an abortion now. I couldn't believe she'd say a thing like that. Sometimes I just wanted to scream at her. Tell her everything that I've kept bottled up for the past few years. Heck, I'd tell her everything she's done wrong with raising me. She's the reason I had to lean on this guy because he paid attention to me. She's the reason I'm having trouble walking out of the hospital. She signs the release forms quickly and walks ahead of me. She's telling me to speed up. I don't. No instead I take my time. If I go any faster I'll pass out. My phone is currently ringing. I don't know what to do. It's Ryan. I know I should answer it. So I do. I'm hoping he apologizes or something. Anything but yelling.

"Hey." I hear a deep breath on the other side of the line. He didn't think I was going to answer. "I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say. Sorry just sums up what I am." He says quickly. I smile still walking to the car behind my mother. Who seems to be having a conversation with herself. I always knew she was crazy. Maybe that's where I get it all from. Who am I kidding, of course that's where I get it from! "Sorry works." I say simply as we approach the car. "Good. I'll see you at school Monday?" He asks. I'm about to tell him no when my mother clicks her tongue waiting for me to get into the car. "Can I call you back later?" I ask quickly trying to get the conversation over with as quickly as possible. "Yeah, of course." And with that we hang up.

"Who was that?" She asks once we're settled. "A friend." I shrug hoping she doesn't ask more questions. She lets out a laugh at the fact that I'd have friends. She then proceeds to tell me I'm looking a little plump. I roll my eyes at her. She doesn't see it so she just keeps going on. I tune her out. Then I realize she's telling me that it's unacceptable that I bled on her floor. She tells me it took the help forever to clean up.

Now I'm currently curled up in a fetal position in my bed. I text Ryan and tell him that I need to see him. I need him close to me. I want him close. I need to know at least someone cares. My mom has left the house for two days. She said that I cut her vacation short so she's going to spend the next two days a spa. Apparently I've stressed her out.

Once Ryan is in my house I cling on to him for dear life. He's telling me everything is going to be okay. He's wrong. He's more than wrong. I want to tell him not to lie to me. I want to ask him why he believes things will be okay. But I know that asking won't help anything.

"I'm tired." I tell him breaking away from him embrace. "Alright." He pushes the hair out of my face. "Stay with me while I sleep?" I ask shyly. He bites his lip slightly before nodding.

"Wait, do you have somewhere you need to be? I'm sorry if I'm taking up your time. Oh God, I'm clingy. You show an ounce of care and I'm all over you…" I ramble but he cuts me off with his lips.

The kiss is soft and loving. _Loving. _What a terrible word. Love doesn't exist. Seth Cohen showed me that. "I want to be here for you." He says quietly taking my hand and guiding me upstairs.

"Thanks, Ryan but if you have somewhere to go I don't want to keep you." I say.

"I'm right where I'm supposed to be." He's avoiding my statement. I can tell he has something else to do but it comforts me to know he'd rather be with me.

I crawl into my bed pulling him along with me. He kicks his shoes off and moves in next to me. He wraps his arm around me as I cuddle next to him. This what I need. This is exactly what's going to help me through all of this. _Ryan_. He's everything I need right now. I drift off to sleep and I swear I've never slept so good in my entire life. I wake up to Ryan's eyes on me. "Hi." I smile at him. He smiles back and gently puts his hand on my cheek.

"Hi." He leans in and kisses me softly on my lips. "What time is it?" I ask after we break apart.

"Around 10 pm." He says. "You should go home. You know you have a class to teach in the morning." Truthfully I don't want him to leave but I know he can't stay here overnight. After all he is still married. Oh and not to mention he's my teacher! "You sure?" He asks. I can see he's tired. I realize that he's stayed up the entire time I've been sleeping which happened to be 4 hours.

"Yeah, I'll be okay. But I don't think I'll be at school tomorrow." I tell him. He frowns. "I understand. I'll text you when I get home to make sure you're okay." He kisses my forehead before slipping out of my bed. "Thanks. You didn't have to stay but I'm really glad you did." I sit up and bite my lip. He nods and now he's out of my room. I lay back smiling.

Then I'm alone with my thoughts and suddenly I become depressed. I want him back next to me but I know that's not possible. _Oh God. _There it is. The I can stop thinking about him thing that I don't believe in.

Suddenly I look up and see Seth. I panic and shift uncomfortably in my bed. He walks over and sits down with his back to me.

"I know I don't deserve your forgiveness. I did after all do what I promised myself I wouldn't. I'm going to change, Taylor. I promise you, I will." He twisted around and looked at me. I don't know what to say. I see something in his eyes that I've never seen before.

"Do you love me?" I ask gulping knowing that if his answer is yes I will stick with him. Give him another chance. "I think so." He reaches for my hand. I flinch. "Then I'll give you one more chance, Seth." I close my eyes tightly fighting back the tears that are about to surface.

"Thank you, Taylor. I need you." _Oh God, _there it was. The one thing I've always wanted to hear. But it's not coming from the right person. I look up at him and give him a weak smile. He leans back and pulls me close to him. This is different.

"Why the sudden change?" I ask as he pulls his hand through my hair. He just shrugs.

I'm suddenly regretting this. He's not going to change. I know he isn't. In a matter of days I'll be hit again. But I can't not give him this chance. Him holding me is nothing like Ryan. I don't feel protected. I feel like I'm in danger. I know I should push him away and tell him to leave. I can't. I don't know why but I just can't. I can't fall asleep again. I look up and realize Seth is sleeping so I slip out of his arms and grab my cell phone before slipping out of my room.

"Hey beautiful." He answers. I'm smiling and I know I should tell him that Seth is currently in my bed sleeping. I should tell him that I'm stupid and I'm giving the _ass _another chance.

"Ryan, I think I just made a terrible mistake." I say quickly. I suddenly want to curl up into a ball and forget the world. "Why? What happened?" He asks. He sounds upset. He cares.

"Seth's here. He…uhm…he apologized." I say. I can tell he's mad. I don't know how I can tell. I just can.

"I can't believe you." Yeah, he's mad. But I don't want him to be mad. This is my decision. He hung up on me. I'm _alone, again._


	8. Chapter 8

**WARNING: "Self-injury" in the beginning. Sorry but it's part of the plot and such. **

Chapter 8

The last time I felt this feeling on my skin, I was 14. I was going through this 'everyone hates me' phase. Truth was everyone did hate me so I guess it wasn't just a phase, just reality. But I remember the last time I ever stuck that cold metal to my skin.

My mom had just told me that she was disgusted that I was her daughter. She said that no matter what she'd always resent me, I was a huge mistake. She even went on to tell me that she would have gotten an abortion if my father would have let her. Apparently at the time he wanted a family.

That night that she caught me wasn't the first time I had done it. Far from it, but it was the first time she saw. I remember the look on her face as she yanked the razor out of my hand. Or when she saw the blood run down the sink. She yelled something about sending me away if I did it again. I remember laughing in her face telling her it was her fault. I didn't speak to her for a month and a half after that.

It's not so much as a release but as a relief like the cutting of my skin makes everything go away. At least for a few minutes when all I can think about is the pain.

I hadn't even thought about doing it again after that night but now I'm standing in my bathroom with my sweatshirt sleeve rolled up and my hands itching for the razor. My mom wouldn't be home for another couple of hours. I took a deep breath and reached for the cold metal. I needed a relief. I needed something. Anything other than this pain I'm going through. It's much worse than physical pain. I feel emotionally beaten. If that's even possible.

My eyes are fixed on the part of my skin that the cold razor is sitting on. I look up and into my own eyes in the mirror before closing them and with one…DAMNIT! It hurts. I open my eyes and now I'm watching the blood trickle down my hand. I grab the towel and press it to the cut. I take a deep breath and back up against the wall. I slide down it as I start crying. I'm shaking uncontrollably. What have I done? Was it worth it? Did I need to feel that relief so much that I had to hurt myself?

_Oh God. I need Ryan. _But I can't have Ryan. Nope, I screwed that one up big time. Just like I seem to screw everything good in my life up. I've locked myself in my room for the past two days.

I have ignored calls from Seth and I even ignored the one call from my mother. Ryan never called. He was the only call I wouldn't have ignored. I didn't want to do this today. I told myself before I went to sleep last night that whatever my mother tried to do I wouldn't go to school. She had pulled my covers off and started talking about how I needed a shower. She said it was not sanitary to be in the same clothes that I was in when she left. I wanted to tell her to go screw herself but I couldn't.

Instead I hung my head and told her I'd go to school if she'd let me take one of the cars. She agreed, which really surprised me. Seth spots me as soon as I pull into the parking lot. I groan and don't even try to smile.

"Who died?" He grimaced when he saw me. I glared at him. "Thanks." I roll my eyes and get out of the car. "I'm just saying, Taylor, you look terrible." He should have just stopped before he even started because I am super close to biting his head off right now. "Yeah." Is all I say as I slam my door shut. I get my bag out of the backseat and look at the front of the school. I would rather be anywhere but here.

"I'll see you after class?" Seth asks as we reach Ryan's classroom. I'm nervous. Like that my palms are sweaty and I'm shaking type of nervous.

"Yeah, sure." I nod still not giving him a smile. He grins at me and pulls me in for a kiss. Which surprises me but I don't kiss back. He doesn't seem to notice. I turn around and walk into Ryan's class. I see him sitting at his desk. He looks tired, like he hasn't slept in days. I want to run up and hug him. I want to tell him I'm sorry and that I'd do anything to keep him in my life.

_Oh God. _I'm pathetic. I walk in and he notices me. He's not smiling, no far from it. He's tensed up. The bell rings and everyone else runs in the class. Ryan mumbles something about reading Chapter 7. I slammed my head on the desk, perhaps a little too hard because it made a loud banging noise. Which made everyone in the class look over at me and laugh. Ryan wasn't laughing. Nope, he was glaring.

After about fifteen minutes of class I raised my hand. "What?" He snapped at me. I widened my eyes not expecting that.

"I..can I go to the restroom?" I asked on the verge of tears. He let out a sigh before nodding. I barely make it out of the classroom before I break down.

The door behind me opens and closes quickly. I glance back._ Ryan._

"Closet." He points to the nearest door. I'm still standing there looking at him like an idiot as he glides to the door. He looks around to make sure no one's watching and he goes in. I finally snap back into reality and follow his lead. I'm _very very _confused.

"What's going on?" I ask as soon as I'm in the space. Shouldn't he in class? This is a HUGE risk for him to be in here with me. Especially _during_ class where he is supposed to be in there teaching his class. He doesn't answer me. Instead his lips crash into mine and he pushes me up against the door. I'm sure there was a huge thump. _Is he stupid?! _I push him off of me with as much force as possible.

"Are you dumb?!" I say just above a whisper. He just laughs and puts his hand on my cheek.

"I think so. I just…I had to…you were…sitting in there and…" He looked so unsure of himself. I gave him a smile, not a forced one but a real one. I grabbed the back of his head and pulled him in and kissed him with all of the power I had left in me. This was wrong. So _wrong_, but it felt so _right_.

"As much as I don't want to, I do have to get back in there." He said pulling away from me. I nodded.

"Uhm, I think we should probably you know…talk…before that happens again?" I say shyly. He nods and grabs the door handle. "Wait a few minutes before following me. Got it?" He raises an eyebrow at me. "Yeah, I got it." I nodded.

Once he was out of the room I was able to let out the breath I didn't even know I had been holding. I sunk to the floor. I had no idea what was going on. One second he was pissed, then the next he wasn't, and then he was again and then he wasn't. It was like a never ending cycle and it's really getting the best of me. Which isn't much now.

Ryan's kisses make me melt, Seth's kisses have never made me feel anything. _Nothing, _in the whole year and a half I've been with him I have felt _nothing_. But here I am feeling something for a guy who's barely been in my life a month. A guy 7 years older than me no less. Somehow that just makes it more exciting. Like we have to do everything to _not _get caught. I mean there's no way either of us could get caught. Seeing as I have this psycho boyfriend who would kill me and he's got getting fired and a possibility of going to jail. I am still a minor. _Oh God. _I'm getting myself into a lot more than I think I can handle. But I can't stop now. There is no way I'm stopping this now.

Ryan wasn't as tense the rest of class. He actually smiled at me a couple of times. Of course he had to be discreet about it. After class Taylor waited until everyone left the room before she approached Ryan at his desk.

"What made you change your mind? Just Sunday you were saying how you couldn't believe what I did. And then you hung up on me." I hugged my books to my chest as he let out a heavy sigh and then ran his hand through his hair.

"I know. It just…you ran back to him, Taylor. After what he did to you. I couldn't understand your reasoning. I still can't but…just seeing you there looking so…alone. I feel like I need to remind you that you're not." He looked up at me with those eyes. Those amazing blue eyes.

"So, you are only going after me because you feel sorry for me? Great. To think I really had feelings for you." I went to leave but he stopped me. _Oh God_, did I really just admit I had _feelings _for him? I'm dumb. _I'm so freaking dumb!_

"You really have feelings for me?" I watched him take a gulp. I nodded.

"I'm sorry, I need to go to Seth." I said pointing for the door. "Taylor…please." He was begging me not to go to Seth. "He's really trying to change, Ryan. I have to give him this chance." I tell him. "After everything? You really think he deserves that?" He asked. I nod and walk out of his class room. My heart is torn.

"Hey." Seth smiled when I walked out of the class. I watched as Summer Roberts left his side. "What's going on with you two?" I asked nodding my head towards Summer. Seth shifted uneasily. "Nothing, Taylor." He forced a smile. "Oh…Seth if you like her…" I trail off. "No!" He said quickly reaching his hand to caress my cheek. His touch made me jump a little. I wasn't expecting this type of affection from him.

Seth leaned in and kissed me on the lips. He let his lips linger there after the kiss. I still can't feel anything. I feel bad not feeling something. He's trying, really I can tell.

There was a cough coming from behind us. I turned my head to see Ryan standing there. I blushed a little as he held out a book to me. "You forgot this." He said tensing up a little.

"Oh, thanks." I grabbed the book quickly from his grip. He let his eyes linger a little too long on me. "No problem." He nodded his head and turned around. "That dude creeps me out." Seth said as I turned around to face him. I forced a small smile at him.

"Oh…" I said just as the bell rang.

"I'll see you at lunch." He said before turning around and walking in the opposite direction than me.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

I'm sitting across from Seth at lunch. He's talking on and on about something his dad had told him that morning. I'm really not paying attention. Instead I'm glancing over at my teacher. The same guy who I had admitted I had feelings for. He's eating lunch with another teacher_. A woman. _Suddenly I'm jealous. She looks young. I watch as she laughs and puts her hand lightly on Ryan's arm. I don't notice but I'm scowling at them.

"Taylor." Seth waves his hand in front of my face snapping me back to reality. "Hmm?" I question looking directly at him. "You know it's not healthy to crush on someone who would never like you back." I stare at him in disbelief. So much for trying to change. "Oh, and your want of Summer Roberts is healthy?" I snap back.

"Taylor." He groaned not denying his feelings for Summer. "No Seth. That's not fair. I am not crushing on my teacher!" I say a little too loudly. I know this only because Ryan looks over at me with a strange expression on his face. I bury my head in my hands before pulling them away and looking up at Seth.

"Whatever, I'm going to class." Seth says bitterly before standing up and walking away from me. I take a deep breath and lean back in my chair.

Suddenly Summer Roberts is sitting in the seat that was occupied by Seth only seconds before. "You were totally in that closet with Mr. Atwood." My eyes widen when she says this. I look around to make sure she said it low enough. "What are you talking about, Summer?" I lower my voice so only she could hear.

"I saw, Taylor. I was coming out of the bathroom." I watched in disbelief as Summer folded her arms across her chest. "You don't know what you're talking about." I go to stand up.

"I won't tell. Under one condition." I couldn't believe this girl. I took a deep breath and motioned for her to go on. "You dump Seth Cohen." Summer smiled. "You need to be careful with him, Summer." I tell her.

"I know what I'm doing Taylor. Just like you know what you're doing. So do we have a deal?" She raised an eyebrow at me. I closed my eyes and glanced over at Ryan before looking back at her. "Okay." I nod and look down at my feet. "Thanks." Summer smiles. "Yeah…but be careful. Okay?" I try to smile at her. "Of course. My lips are sealed about Mr. Hottie." Summer says before standing up and walking away.

I lean back in my chair and close my eyes. This is my out. This is my way away from Seth Cohen. And I'm about to take it and run with it. I take my phone out of my bag and text Seth. I tell him to come by after school. That I need to talk to him. I can do this. I can _finally _do this.

Seth's standing in front of me now. All through my classes the rest of the day I've been going over and over again in my head what I should say to him exactly. Seth is giving me this strange look as I stand in front of him and fidget with my hands.

"What's going on?" He asks walking around me and into the living room. I turn around and watch him sit down on the couch. I can do this. "We need to talk." _Oh God_. The worst line in the freaking book besides 'it's not you it's me.' No, that doesn't go for this situation it's more like 'it's not me it's you.'

"I think I know where this is going." He stands up and I suddenly don't feel so good. "You are not allowed to break up with me. Do you hear me?" And he grabs my wrist forcefully. I wince and close my eyes. This is not happening.

"Seth…" I plead trying to get my wrist away from his grip.

"No!" He grabs the other and presses his fingers down tightly bruising my skin. "Please let go." I try. "You are not allowed!" He growls and pulls me into him. I don't want this. I want him to let go of me.

"Seth, it's just not working." I say opening my eyes and looking up at him. He looks mad. He's angry and I know what's all about to happen. I don't want it to happen. I am _so stupid_. I should have know he'd never change. _I should have known! _He pushes me forcefully up against the closest wall.

"It is working, damnit!" He screams at me. He's got my wrists pinned up against the wall. "How?" I demand. "I love you, Taylor!" He yells in my face. I look at him. "Tell me you love me!" I can't. I can't tell him because _I don't love him_! I shake my head. He pushes me into the wall again. "Say it!" He says loudly.

"I love you, Ryan!" _Oh God_. I did not just say that. My eyes are wide as I realize that I didn't say Seth, I said Ryan. "What did you just say?" Seth's voice breaks. His eyes are as wide as mine. "I…I…" I didn't know what to tell him. I couldn't say I loved him. It wasn't true, so I couldn't do it.

"Who is Ryan?" He asked me slamming my body harder into the wall behind me. I winced a little. "Let go of me!" I screamed struggling trying to get my wrists out of his grip. Suddenly I don't feel his skin on mine. Not for another few seconds. Then I feel the all too familiar sting. I gasp.

"You promised!" I screamed and pushed him away from my with all of my might. "Yeah, well that was before you said some other guys name!" He pushed me back. I fell back against the wall again hitting my head harshly.

"Summer asked me to dump you, Seth! She said she likes you!" I yelled just wanting this all to be over. For him to leave. _For good_.

"What?" He stops his hand mid slap. He's looking at me strangely. "She likes you…she asked me to break up with you. I just want you to be happy. You're not happy with me." I totally lied about just wanting him to be happy. Truth really is I could care less if he's happy or not. "So…this is over?" He asks. I want to laugh in his face and say it's not soon enough. This should have happened months ago.

"Yeah, Seth. It's over." I whisper giving him a weak smile. He nods and sticks his hands in his front pockets.

"I…" He starts but I cut him off. "It's fine, Seth. I always knew you liked her. I was her replacement. Just…don't hurt her Seth. Love her like she deserves." I tell him. "Taylor, is Ryan that teacher guy?" Seth questions. I shake my head no.

"You don't know Ryan." I tell him. _Oh God_, this is a terrible lie. A terrible lie that I can just tell is going to bite me in the ass one of these days.

"Oh, okay. Uhm, take care of yourself then." He nods before stepping away from me and out of my house. _He's gone. Finally._ I take a deep breath and slide down the wall and sit with my knee's propped up against my chest. I pull my cell phone out of my pocket and call Ryan.


	10. Chapter 10

**If you're reading this, please please review! oh and thank you to the people who are reviewing! I thought a not so dark post would be good. **

Chapter 10

"I wish we didn't have to hide us." I sighed placing my hand gently on his chest. Ryan had just shown up at my house. "I thought you didn't have a crush on your teacher." Ryan raised an eye brow at me. His face was serious. "What do you think I was supposed to tell him, Ryan? Did you want me to tell him I did have a crush on you?" I asked stepped away from him and folding my arms across my chest.

"No, of course not! But you didn't have to be so loud about it!" He placed his hands on my shoulders. "I know and I wish I hadn't of but no one knows it's you so you don't have to worry…I promise." I bite my lip. Double meaning there. I'm not sure if I should tell him about Summer or not. Why worry him when there isn't anything to worry about anymore? I mean it's all taken care of. At least that's what I hope.

"ry, you know Summer Roberts?" I ask as he sits down on my couch and I walk over. I sit down on his lap and he pulls me close. He starts kissing my neck before responding.

"I think she's in one of my classes, why?" He asks pulling away. "Well, she's the reason I broke up with Seth." I fidget with my hands. He gives me a strange look.

"Why would she be the reason?" He asked. "Well, she saw us. You and me leaving the storage closet. Ryan, she asked me to break up with Seth and she wouldn't tell about what she saw." I said in a hurry. He let out a small chuckle before kissing me on my neck again.

"Ry-an!" I whine pushing him away slightly. "What? It's a good thing. I don't want you with him anyhow." He shrugged at me. "I know that but what about the Summer thing? What if me breaking up with Seth isn't enough? I mean I don't want to risk anything. Just like we're risking you being here since my mom will be home within the hour. I have to get ready for some event tonight." I told him.

"How about I talk to Summer?" He raised an eyebrow. "Would that be such a good idea?" I questioned. "I don't know but it could work. Or we could talk to her together. I would much rather you be there with me." He smiled wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me closer to him. "Okay." I smiled resting my head against his as I breathed in his intoxicating smell.

"I should get going. Marissa's making me go to this event too." He didn't pull away. "I thought you two were divorcing." I said confused a little. The last thing I heard she had cheated on him.

"Not until after the baby is born. She thinks it'd be best." He shrugged. "Uh-huh well you don't have to leave this second do you? Because I could really use a kiss." I giggled placing my lips on his.

Ryan was pulling me even closer into him and before I knew it clothes were flying off around my living room. I hadn't really registered in my mind yet that Ryan's shirt was actually off or that I was busy unbuttoning his pants. Or that he had his hands roaming my entire body. When I finally did notice shivers ran through my body. I suddenly got nervous and stopped what I was doing.

"No, I can't do this. I can't. Please stop." I shut my eyes pushing him off of me. All I could imagine in my head were cold hands. Yanking, hitting, bruising. I stood up from his lap.

"Taylor." He called but I was already sitting down next to him curled up into a ball. He went to touch me but I flinched under his touch.

"He ruined you." Ryan said softly next to me. Ruined me? What was that supposed to mean? I couldn't speak though. I just sat there trembling with my eyes shut tightly trying to fight back the tears that were forming.

"Taylor, please look at me." Ryan begged. I decided to open my eyes and look at him. I was afraid I'd get flashes of Seth but I didn't. Instead I saw Ryan. I saw how his eyes looked. I saw care and compassion. I saw everything I'd ever wanted to see in someone.

"Are you scared?" He asked as he reached his hand out to touch mine. I didn't flinch this time. Instead I just nodded.

"Don't be. I'm not going to hurt you, Taylor. I can promise you that." He rubbed circles on my bare leg. "Can I tell you something?" Of course I can. I'm just stalling.

"Yeah, anything." He grabbed me and pulled me into his body wrapping his arm around my shoulder as I rested my head on his chest.

"I've never enjoyed sex. Seth was always so mean with it. I mean I always imagined it being loving and caring. Something that brings two people together but he used me, Ryan. He hurt me and I'm terrified of that happening again. The next time I have sex I want it to be special. I want it to be like I imagine." For some reason I was embarrassed. Ryan didn't laugh at me like I had imagined him. Instead he ran his hand through my hair.

"I'm not saying we have to do anything but if we do I promise I will make it special for you." and that totally melted my heart. I hadn't expected him to say that. I hadn't expected anything from him really. Blame Seth Cohen for me having doubts in people. Oh and my mother, Veronica Townsend.

"Ryan, I want that with you. Just not…yet." I take a deep breath. "You are amazing, you know that? I've never met anyone like you. I just want to be close to you constantly. In class all I can think about is you. All of those other students never matter. Only you and it will always be only you." I can't wipe the smile off of my face as he speaks to me.

"I told Seth that I loved you." I don't know why I told him. It just came out of my mouth. I regretted it soon after of course. "Why would you do that?" He asked simply. "Well, he told me I couldn't break up with him. He said he loved me and told me to say it. I meant to say I loved him. I really did, Ryan. But it didn't come out that way. I said 'I love you Ryan.'" I say wearily.

"You don't…love me…do you?" He asked softly. I didn't want to look at his face. I couldn't. "I don't believe in love, Ryan. But…I think I could." That's when I looked into his eyes. Instead of speaking he leaned his head in and kissed me on the lips. I had to break away when I remembered that my mother would be home soon.

"I'll see you at the party, okay?" I say as he stands up and throws his shirt back on. He hands me my shirt and shorts before kissing me on the forehead.

"Yeah. I want to kiss you again. I'll text you and tell you where to meet me." He tells me. "Good idea. Ryan, do you think you could love me?" I had to know. It was the only way I could keep at this with him. "Yeah, I really think I can and it's scaring the shit out of me." He ran his hand through his hair.

"Did you ever love her?" I ask as he puts his shoes on. "I thought so but it was nothing like this. I never felt the way I do when I touch you." He tells me grabbing my shoulders and pulling me up.

"Lift your arms in the air." I obey. He takes my shirt and slips it over my head. I smile as he takes my shorts and bends down to help me put them on. "I will see you tonight." He kissed my lips one last time before turning towards the door and leaving.

I smile and touch my hand to my lips. I plop back on the couch. I'm seriously in _Heaven_. Cloud 9. Oh, this is _perfect._ Ten minutes later my mom is coming through the front door.

"Taylor, go get ready. We have to be there early and you look a mess. A terrible horrible mess so please go and clean up or something." She said with a wave of her hand. "Which dress do I wear?" I ask knowing she'll want to approve.

"That new one I bought you two days ago. Now go." She said firmly walking off. Even my mother was not going to get me off of this high.


	11. Chapter 11

**I know i just posted 10 but i seriously have nothing better to do on a thursday night other than this. Hmm, this is my favorite story to write. Mm, drama on the way btw in the form of a black haired pshyco. Don't hate me?**

Chapter 11

I spot him an hour after the party starts. He's got his hand on the small of his wife's back. I'm extremely jealous. I'm probably burning holes into the pregnant woman the way I'm glaring at her. "Sit up straight, Taylor. Where is Seth Cohen and why are the two of you not here together?" My mother questioned. "We broke up this afternoon." I told her with a smile.

"Why would you do that?" she asked sharply. "There comes a time when the hitting gets to be too much. It was over before it even started, Mother." I told her. I couldn't believe I actually said it.

"You probably deserved it. You're cutting again aren't you?" She folds her arms across her chest. "You have people to mingle with, Mother. Go they are expecting you." I refuse to answer her. This is none of her business. She rolls her eyes at me and walks away stiffly. I spot Seth a few minutes later as he walks in with Summer on his arm. That was sure fast. Summer let go of Seth and walked over to me.

"Where's your boyfriend?" She smirked at me. "Summer, I have no idea what you're talking about. Now your boyfriend is probably wanting to be with you." I say coldly.

"You know you guys aren't going to get away with this. But I won't tell a soul. Just be careful." She reached out and touched my arm. I yanked my arm away from her touch. "I should be the one telling you that. Seth is…how do I put this…a terrible boyfriend. Oh and he sucks at sex." I hiss. "Whatever." She was rolling her eyes at me. I've never wanted to hit someone in my entire life. Even through the whole Seth thing I never once wanted to hit him back.

After Summer leaves me alone I decide to sit down at a table. I glance over at Ryan and see that he's now sitting down alone. It won't hurt sitting at the same table. Even if he's my teacher it doesn't mean we can't talk. "God, Taylor." He says under his breath when I approach him. I sit down at the seat across from him. Sitting too close would probably be a bad idea.

"Good or bad?" I ask with a quirk of my eyebrow. "Perfect." He's keeping his voice low.

"Well Mr. Atwood you don't look so terrible either." I laugh trying to keep the flirting down to a minimum. "I mean it, Taylor. You look perfect and amazing. I really can't see how someone could ever hurt you." He leans on the table a little. I look up and notice Marissa approaching us. She's got a smile plastered across her face as she reaches Ryan and puts a hand on his shoulder. I watch him tense and I can't help but be happy about that.

"Ry, I'm not feeling so well can we go home?" She walks walking around and sitting on his lap. I'm scowling and Ryan notices. He mouths 'stop' to me so that Marissa can't see him. I try to smile at them both. "Okay. Bye Taylor, see you at school tomorrow." He nods his head at me.

I'm pissed. He didn't stay long enough. I pull my phone out and text him. I tell him I didn't get my kiss. Then I realize that I probably shouldn't have said that. I mean he says she doesn't check his phone but now I'm freaked out. I send another text and tell him to delete that as soon as he gets it.

He already texted me back. I didn't expect that so soon. He says he's sorry and that he wants me to come to school early and I'll get that kiss. I smile too myself and tell him to not have too much fun without me. I love this. Being happy, it's long overdue. I leave the party early. I'm far too tired to stay. My mom told me I can have the car. I'm surprised but I don't question her.

I leave early like he asked. "Where do we meet?" I ask into the phone. "My class I'll be in the closet." I smile before getting out of car. No one is there yet which helps my fears of being caught. The closet is dark when I enter I can't even see him. I don't even knows he's in there until I'm pressed up against the door and his tongue is in my mouth. I run my hands through his hair as he puts his on my ass. I giggle breaking the mood. He pulls away. "You're laughing?" He questioned. I can only make out his face barely.

"I didn't expect that." I refer to his hands. "You just have such a nice ass." He whispers huskily into my ear. I get shivers down my spine when I hear him. "Oh really?" I ask before attacking his lips again.

"Yes really. I could really do this all day but unfortunately we can't but tonight I really want to see you. Maybe actually talk?" He laughs resting his hands on my shoulders.

"Tonight sounds perfect. My mom won't be home so I'll leave the door unlocked just come upstairs I'll probably be in my room. But before we leave can I please kiss you again? I like kissing you." I giggled as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Just once more." He smiled. Once more turned into twice and then three times before we decided that we should probably get out of there. He went first. Saying that he'd knock when the coast was clear.

"You might want to go in the bathroom and do something about that mark on your neck." He whispers in my ear after we're both in the classroom. There's still no one at the school yet. "Thanks. Maybe you should refrain from marking me." I say lowly.

"I don't think I can do that." He smiled. "I don't mind but you know I can't let us get caught. So, I'll take care of it with make-up." I tell him. "Good because you're mine and I like to mark what's mine." He says before watching me leave and head for the bathroom.

I look in the mirror and realize that the hickey is huge. He really shouldn't do that but I can't stop him. I take my powder out and try my hardest to cover it. By the time I'm done the bell is ringing for class. The halls are packed. I'm turning to leave the bathroom when I run into someone. I look up sort of expecting it to be Ryan but I know by the persons shirt that it's definitely not the guy I'm falling for. No, this is a guy about my age. He's got black hair and a strange smile. I smile back.

"Sorry about that. I should really watch where I'm going but if I run into girls like you I won't mind." He flirts. I roll my eyes at him. How lame. "Yeah well don't let it happen again." I say coldly. I've never seen this guy before.

"Oliver Trask, I'm new." He holds his hand out for me to shake. I glance at it and then up at him. I don't shake his hand instead I say

"Taylor Townsend now if you'll excuse me I should really get to class." I say and pass him. "See you later." He says.

I wave my hand before walking back to Ryan's class. He's sitting at his desk with a furrowed brow. He looks like he's deep in thought as his students pile into the class. I mouth hey to him and he just nods his head at me. He stands up and talks to the class. We have a project.

Then I notice the same dark haired guy from before walk into the class room. He smiles over at me and it makes me feel uneasy. Ryan sees this. He tells the guy to sit. Unfortunately this only open seat is the one at my table. Ryan tells us the person we are sitting next to is our partner for this project. I groan. Great I have to deal with this guy to work on a stupid project. Ryan says we can discuss now. I don't even know what this project is about nor do I really care. Oliver turns to talk to me.

"I knew I'd see you again." He smiles. "Great. Now this project…I think we should work here after school no sense in going to each other's house. How about tomorrow?" I say quickly. "Tomorrow sounds perfect." He has a smile on his face. I look over at Ryan who has his fists held tightly. His knuckles are white. Oliver has his hand on my arm.

"There's a benefit tomorrow night that my parents are holding. Would you be my date?" I'm about to say no. I don't even know this guy and he's asking me but I plaster a smile on my face and say

"Sure." He nods and says thanks. I look at Ryan and realize he heard because he's got this look on his face. I mouth I'm sorry. He writes something down on a piece of paper. He stands up and slaps it on my desk before walking around and inspecting the class's discussion of their projects. Oliver is writing something on a piece of paper so I take this time to read the note. I glance around and make sure no one is looking._ Don't go with him, please. I'll be there._ is all it says. I smile at his hand writing. I take my phone out and text him my response. He'll answer me after class. I tell him I'll slip away from Oliver to see him. I know my mother will be at this benefit. I need to bring someone so she won't speak to me. After everyone is piling out of the class I see Ryan check his phone.

"Don't." He begs me after everyone is gone. I notice that Oliver is lingering outside of the room. I roll my eyes. "It's for my mother, Ryan." I explain. "I…I think I'm jealous." He says in low voice. I smile at this. "Nothing to be jealous of, I'm all yours after school. But right now I really should get to my next class." I say. I keep my voice low so that Oliver doesn't hear.

"Okay…" He trails off looking a bit hurt. "Ry, I'm totally yours now. No other attachments and I don't plan on having any attachments. To anyone. I understand why you're still with your wife, I can't change that…but can you promise you'll be all mine after the baby is born?" I can't believe I'm asking him this. "I promise if you promise to not let him touch you." He smirks.

"Promise now I really have to go. The devil I call my English teacher will write me up if I don't. I really don't want to deal with my mom." I go to turn around. "After school." He says before I'm out of the room.

"Took you long enough." Oliver smirked at me.

"yeah well Mr. Atwood had to talk to me about the quiz last week." I shrug my shoulder. I don't understand why this guy is all over me. I just met him and I swear there is no attraction there whatsoever. "I'll see you at noon tomorrow?" He asks. "Of course." I nod and he walks into a class room.

He's running late. I just want to see him. I can't believe I'm so desperate to see this guy I've only known barely a month. I just want to be close to him. There's something there. _Something big. _

My door swings open. Ryan. "Marissa was bitching. She said I can file the divorce papers. Apparently this guy she is seeing is better than me but she wants me to pretend we're still together for a while." He shrugs walking over to my bed. He climbs in and he lays next to me. I pull myself close to him and rest my head on his chest. "Then you'll be all mine." I smile resting my hand at the hem of his shirt.

"I'm glad I moved here. I'm glad I met you." He kissed the top of my head. "Me too. I can't imagine right now without you. I must say you saved me from Seth Cohen." I laughed. "I live next door to him. I didn't know until I saw him yesterday coming out of his house." He states. "Are you kidding me?" I lift my head up. "Nope. I talked to his dad actually he said he'll help me with the divorce." Ryan told me. "Mr. Cohen is a really nice man." I tell him.

"I could tell but how they have such a mean son is beyond me." He took a deep breath as he pulled his hand through my hair. "It has a lot to do with his mom. She's an alcoholic and he needed something to take his mind off of it, I guess." I tell him. "Don't make excuses for him. That is no reason to hit you." He said.

"Enough talk about Seth Cohen. Let's talk about the fact that you're going to be a father. Are you excited?" I ask tracing circles with my fingertips on his chest. "Like I already said I never imagined having kids with Marissa. But I guess in a way I am. I can provide this kid with things I didn't have growing up. I mean Marissa and I won't be together but the kid will never want. He'll be taken care of." He says honestly. I don't know why I had to talk to him about this. It just felt like the right subject for the mood things were in right then.

"Having kids scares me. I mean my mom is a total bitch and I'm her daughter. I just don't think I want to risk being like her. I don't want to emotionally abuse my kids like she has me." I tell him truthfully.

"You're the kind of person I could see myself having kids with." I can tell he didn't mean to say that because he instantly stiffened. I tensed up a little scared of what to say next. Instead I look up at him.

"You mean that?" I ask. I don't know why we are on this subject. I don't even know why I need to know these things. It's not like he'll want a future with me after this 'fling' or whatever he thinks it is. I don't ever want it to end but with my luck it will.

"I've never said that before…to anyone…I've never even thought it." He tells me resting his hand on the back of my head. "You know…I was thinking after I turn 18 and school is over with you'll no longer be my teacher…so does that mean we don't have to hide this?" I ask biting my lip a little. "That's exactly what it means." He smiles leaning down and capturing my lips with his. "I can't wait." I smile against his lips. That's the truth.

"Don't go with that guy tomorrow. I know you told me that it's nothing…" He said breaking away from me. I took a deep breath and laid my head back down on his chest pulling the blankets up over our bodies. "You'll be there, Ryan. Nothing is going to happen. At all. If you feel better you can make up an excuse to come up to the school tomorrow when he and I are working on our project. We'll most likely be in your class room." I tell him.

"I can't do that. I don't want to seem like one of those jealous type boyfriends or make it seem like I don't trust you because I do. I just don't trust that guy." He tells me. He called himself my boyfriend. Deep inside I am seriously jumping up and down clapping screaming 'yay.'

"My boyfriend, hmm?" I tease. He tenses up. He didn't even notice he called himself that.

"I…um…well…yeah?" He looked nervous. I laughed as I sat up and looked down at his laying there. "I'd love for you to be my boyfriend." I giggle a little before bending down and kissing him on the lips again.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

"Let's get this over with. I really don't want to be here right now." I say walking into Ryan's classroom before slamming my books down on the desk. I look at Oliver who is smirking at me. "Do you have a boyfriend?" He asks quirking up an eyebrow. I'm taken aback by his question. I look at him and try to glare. I don't know why to say. If I say yes he'll most likely ask who and that would not be a good thing so I shake my head no. For some reason I feel like shit after doing that.

"Then is there a reason your neck is covered in hickey's?" He points to my neck._ Oh God_. I completely forgot about those. I was meaning to do something with that but I had totally let it slip my mind. I put my hands on my neck and scowl at him.

"That is none of your business. What I do in my free time does not concern you now can we please get this over with?" I ask sitting down next to him. "Just cover it up for tonight?" He asks. I really don't want to go to this thing with him. He's a stranger. Plus I can tell Ryan really doesn't trust him so I shouldn't either and I don't. "I'll go to this thing with you but the second you touch me I'm gone." I tell him sternly. He puts his hands up in defeat and nods.

"Good now that we've got that clear can we please start? I have to meet someone in two hours." I tell him. That was possibly the worst two hours of my life. This guy was a complete sleaze and he took every opportunity he could to flirt with me. It was very annoying.

Ryan showed up just before we were leaving saying he had to pick some papers up. Oliver didn't seem to notice he was too wrapped up in looking at me. I gave him the directions to my house and he said he'd be there at 6. _Great. _I couldn't believe I was stupid enough to say yes to this creepy guy.

"Ugh, tonight is going to suck." Ryan whined once Oliver was out and had left the building. "You'll live." I giggled before walking away from him and his class room. He followed me out. "Don't wear red." He told me with no expression on his face. I look at him confused. What was wrong with red? I wore red Thursday night.

"Why?" I ask as we reach outside. "Because you look amazing in it. You are only supposed to look that good for me." He says huskily into my ear. There are those shivers again. "No red. But maybe I could wear red for you…in private?" I bite my lip not looking at him. I can hear him take a deep breath beside me and it really makes me happy to know I have a hold on him with just the most simple things.

"Now Mr. Atwood I should really get home to tell my mother about tonight. Text me and I can maybe possibly slip away from Oliver tonight if you can get away from your wife." I said the last thing a little too harshly. I am insanely jealous of that woman! I hate her and I barely even know her. "She won't be for too much longer." He says as we approach my car. I want to kiss him so badly but I know I can't. Even if the parking lot is deserted I really can't risk getting caught at all.

"Taylor!" My mother greeted me as soon I stepped foot into my house. She had a huge smile on her face. "What?" I ask her. "I heard about your little date with that Trask boy! They are very rich." She smiled clapping her hands together. I couldn't believe her. Then I started wondering how she knew.

"Mother, I'm not going with him to take his money. He just asked and I didn't have a reason to say no." I lied. I had a huge reason to say no. An _amazing _reason. In the form of my _hunk _of a boyfriend.

Oliver was right on time which I found a little annoying. I thought I'd at least have a few more minutes to stall this train wreck that was tonight. He was speaking to me but I seriously wasn't listening. There wasn't a reason to. Instead I'd just nod when I thought it was appropriate.

I spotted Ryan the second I got there. Marissa was nowhere to be seen though which kind of made me happy. I smiled when I noticed he was looking at me but he wasn't smiling. I watched him take his phone out.

He was texting me. He's so jealous. I love it. I go to walk away from Oliver but he grabs my arm. I glare at him. I already told him not to touch me.

"What are you doing?" I yank my arm away from him harshly. "I want you to meet my parents." He smiles grabbing for my hand. He takes it and he's got it squeezed so tightly that I can't let go. I'm trying my hardest to pull away but it's not working. I know Ryan is watching and I know he's going to be pissed. Everything is a blur.

The rest of the night I'm freaking out waiting for a text from Ryan but he's just sitting there with his wife acting like nothing is going on between them. That really bothers me. I just want him to act like he doesn't love her, something anything. I finally got the text. Apparently he doesn't want to see me now. I'm devastated_. Great _I just ruined something that could really turn into something _big_. "I need to go home now." I tell Oliver only a few minutes after I get the text.

Ryan's standing next to Marissa with his _hand in hers_. He leans over and whispers something in her ear and she smiles_. No. _He's only supposed to make _me_ smile like that.

"Are you okay?" He asks me. I nod and say I just don't feel too well. That's really the truth. I don't feel well. I'm depressed. I'm hurt. I'm everything bad. Oliver smiles over at me when we reach my house. He leans over and I try to dodge him but he's got my face in his hand and he's holding my chin tightly as he puts his lips on mine. I shut my eyes and push him away.

"No! I am not going to kiss you! I don't know you and I'm in love with someone else so please just leave this alone. I will not get back into another abusive relationship and judging by the way you have held on to me tonight I can tell you're going to get worse than that so please just leave me alone." I tell him reaching for the door handle. "You'll change your mind." He adds before I'm out of his car. He speeds off down my driveway like an idiot.

I don't go inside instead I take my keys out of my purse and get into my car. I can't go in that house. I don't want to be there. I need to get away. Now I'm sitting on the sand at the beach. My bare feet are digging their way into the sand as I rest my elbows on my knees that are propped up against my chest. I decide I need to talk to Ryan.

"What do you want Taylor?" He answers the phone with a harsh cold voice. "I…I just wanted…you know what this was a stupid idea. I shouldn't have called because you're apparently pissed. Let's get this over with. Hit me make yourself feel better then rape me." I tell him. I don't know where that all came from. For some odd reason I'm expecting just that. It's exactly what Seth would do. But do I really believe Ryan would treat me with such hate like that?

"Taylor…Where are you?" He asks. I close my eyes and tell him. He's on his way. Is he going to do exactly what I said?

I hear a car in the parking lot behind me. I shut my eyes tightly and stand up. I almost fall but I catch my balance quickly. He's coming towards me. I'm scared to death that he's going to hurt me. He doesn't instead I'm in his arms and he's telling me how sorry he is. "Taylor, please look at me." He pushes me away a little so I can look into his eyes.

"Did he rape you?" He asks me. I don't know what to say. Technically he did but I can't say it again. I don't want to say it again. That happened to be the first time I'd ever admitted aloud or even to myself. "What do you call pushing me on the bed and making me have sex with him despite the fact I didn't want to?" I ask him looking deep into his eyes. They darkened a little. He took his hands off of me and ran them threw his hair. I didn't like that look in his eyes. It scared me. I reached for him but he pushed me away slightly. I looked back up at him wanting answers as to why he was acting the way he was. "I could kill him." His voice was harsh and dark.

"Ryan…I didn't tell you that for you to hurt him. Seth did what he did and it's all over now." I say. He just shakes his head. "You weren't treated like you should be, Taylor how can you say that? How can you be okay with all of this? How could you let him put his hands on you? How could you let him take advantage of you?" He asks me. I take a deep breath. I can't answer him because there's no real answer to that question. There was never an answer. "Please don't do this…please, Ryan. I'm begging you to let it go. I need you to let it go." I plead with him. He just shakes his head.

"I can't, Taylor. It's eating me alive and then tonight seeing you with that guy. Holding his hand?" He wouldn't let me touch him so I folded my arms across my chest. "And you were better? Holding hands with Marissa?" I snap.

"That's different and you know it! You know I have to do that, Taylor so don't throw that back in my face." He says backing up. I can't let him leave. He can't leave me. He has to stay. He has to be my rock. I _need _him. Instead of saying anything I just rush into him and crash my lips into his. At first he doesn't respond but then as my hands reach the back of his neck he responds.

"I need you Ryan. You can't leave me. You can't hurt me, please don't hurt me." I break away from the kiss holding to him tightly. His hands reach my waist. "I could never hurt you. I could never…" He says placing his hands on my face now pulling me with everything in him to him.

"Ryan!" Someone yells across the beach. I pull away with my eyes wide as he looks around him to see who it is.

"Go." He tells me in my ear. I pull away from him and run towards my car. I'm freaking out. How can this be happening? Someone saw. Someone's going to tell. I'm going to get him _fired_. How stupid can I get? Seriously thinking I could do this. As I'm running to my car I can hear the guy talk to him. He's asking who he was kissing. Ryan asks him something but I can't hear for I'm now at my car and tugging at my car door.

I reach in my pocket for my keys. _Oh God_. My keys aren't there. I peak into my car. My keys are sitting on the seat. How did I do that? I'm cursing myself under my breath. I slam my head against the window. I need to get into that damn car. The guy is looking around Ryan's shoulder at me.

"Ryan!" I scream finding myself falling to the ground. He's rushing towards me picking me up off of the ground. The guy is behind him. I don't know who he is. I've never seen him before. "What's wrong? Taylor, answer me." He's begging. I look at him and his eyes are worried. I laugh a little at this. He doesn't find it amusing.

"I locked my keys in my car." I whisper. He takes a deep breath before letting me go. "Taylor, this is my brother, Trey." He introduces me to the guy. Now I can see the resemblance in him and Ryan. I'm a little freaked out. What is this guy going to do? He wouldn't tell on his own brother would he?

"He won't say anything. He hates Marissa." Ryan puts his hand on my shoulder pulling me into him. "Oh." I look up at the guy. "I can get in your car if you need me to." Trey raises an eyebrow I nod not really caring how he knows how to break into a car. Ryan pulls me away from Trey and my car. He places his lips on mine before breaking away from me. He takes my hand and I swear I've never been happier. I can't believe he's doing this outside. He shouldn't. He should want to hide us better. He's going to get into trouble and it will be all my fault. Trey gets into my car a few minutes later. I thank him profusely.

"No problem. I take it you're the reason my little brother hasn't stopped smiling. I don't know about this age difference thing…" He looks between Ryan and I. I look over at my boyfriend who is smiling a little. _My boyfriend. My history teacher. _

"I can't help it…" Ryan looks at his brother. "Well your secret is safe with me." Trey says patting Ryan on the shoulder and shaking my hand before disappearing. "That was…" I start. "Awkward?" He finished. I nod. That's exactly what I was going to say.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Monday. I think my favorite part of coming to school is seeing Ryan. Actually I know it's my favorite part. The work sure isn't. It used to be. Coming to school was fun back then now it's just not. I'm currently in the closest. _Oh God. _He needs to _hurry up_. Only 10 more minutes until class starts.

"What took you so long?" I demand when the door opens and he's in the room. "Marissa had the baby last night." He turns the closest light on. I notice he's out of breath and he looks pale.

"Oh?" I back up a little. He's going to tell me we can only be friends now. He's going to tell me how he wants to be the woman who is his son's mother. He's going to say 'it's not you it's me' or something cliché like that. I won't be able to handle it. _Oh God_.

"Kingsly is healthy and looks just like me. I'm freaked out, Taylor. I don't love this woman and I've got a kid with her. She asked me today to stay with her and him but I really can't. I can't, Taylor." He looks confused and hurt. He wants me to tell him not to. I'm not going to tell him what he should do. He needs to make that decision on his own.

"If you go back to her this…" I motioned between us. "Is over. I don't want to ruin your marriage or confuse your son." I can't believe I'm saying this. _Oh God. It hurts. My heart. _

"No. I'm not going back to her. I refuse. She signed, Taylor. This morning. Mr. Cohen is getting it all situated." He tells me. I jump up and wrap my arms around his neck. "I have to know…I don't want to sound conceited or anything but…" I don't meet his eyes but I know he's smiling. "I wouldn't divorce her if it weren't for you." He tells me in my ear. He's kissing that part underneath my ear and I seriously could take him right there.

"You have to stop marking me." I giggle. "Hmm. Why?" He asks not taking his lips off of my neck. "Because people are going to get suspicious and neither of us want that. Ry, we have to keep this a secret until I graduate." I tell him with my eyes closed. I can barely stand up straight with him attacking my neck like that.

"I know…I just want to be with you. All of the time. I'm getting an apartment not far from your house." He tells me finally taking his lips off of my neck and looking at me.

"Oh really? Does this mean I get to visit?" I asked smirking. "Any time you want." He tells me and then he's attacking my lips. I feel amazing. I'm freaked out though. Things are going too well for me. Something's going to happen, I can just tell. Something _bad_.

"I didn't take you for a slut, Taylor." Seth Cohen. I haven't seen him since we broke up. I take a deep breath and give him a fake smile.

"I'm not. You're the one who moved on so quickly." I said folding my arms across my chest. "Oh am I? I don't think I'm the one sporting hickey's on my neck." He gave me a smirk.

I noticed Summer come up and he wrapped his arm around her. She looked happy. No bruises, nothing. So what was it about me that he felt like he needed to hit? "Taylor, I just really want to apologize for everything." Summer was smiling at me. A real smile. No one besides Ryan had ever really given me a real smile. I then got to thinking how nice it would be to have a friend. A real one. A best friend.

"Thanks, Summer. I really appreciate that." I nod giving her a smile. "Seth's got this thing to do with his dad tonight and I could really use a girls night so maybe you'd want to come and hang with me?" I was shocked. Completely and totally shocked. I didn't know what to say to her. Seth was looking at her a little confused.

"Sure, sounds good." I nod smiling. I give her my number and I head towards my second class of the day.

I don't know how I ended up sitting on the floor watching TV in Summer Roberts room. I thought it would be awkward. It was at first. Then she broke out the junk food. Even though I could just hear my mother screaming in my head not to eat any of it, I had to. My _Nazi_ mother refused to buy anything with any carbs. in it.

"So I've never really hung out with anyone before like this. I don't know what we're supposed to talk about." I tell her taking a bite of the ice cream that's in my hands.

"Anything. I know this seems weird that I want to be friends all of a sudden but my friends all want to drink and party and I'm really growing out of that. I thought you could use a friend…" She looked over at me crossing her legs. I smiled. My phone started ringing next to me. I looked at her and then at the Caller ID. _Ryan_.

"It's Mr. Hottie isn't it? Oh My God Taylor you totally have to tell me about him after you're done with that call." She laughs pointing at my phone. I nod and glance at the bathroom. "Go ahead." She tells me. "Hey." I smile answering the call.

"Hey babe. I was wondering if you could stop by after awhile?" He asked me. I couldn't help but laugh. It was cute. I don't know why exactly but it just was. _Hell, _everything about Ryan Atwood was cute to me. "I'm at Summer's right now but I might be able to before I head home. What's going on?" I ask wondering why he wants me to stop by so badly.

"Nothing. Marissa's still in the hospital and I'm home alone. I'll text you directions." He says. _Oh God_. I freeze. I don't know what to say or do. I don't know if I'll be able to go over there with out doing _something_ other than make out with him.

"I don't know if that's such a good idea, I mean…I don't know…if…" I don't know what to say exactly. I can hear a deep breath coming from the other end of the line.

"We don't have to do anything, Taylor. I promise. Just after you leave Summer's think about coming to see me? I barely got to hold you today…" He trailed off. I was smiling. I knew what he meant. We barely had any time in the closet this morning and then I rushed over to Summer's right after school.

"Fine. Nothing can happen though, I'm not ready. Not yet." I tell him before hanging up. I walk out of the bathroom to see Summer watching the flat screen TV.

"So, spill." Summer told me as soon as I sat back down next to her. "What is there to spill?" I ask picking my ice cream back up.

"The fact that you're totally with THE hottest teacher in Harbor history!" Summer laughed pushing me a little. I was confused at how comfortable this was. "You really can't tell anyone, Summer. I can't risk him getting caught or fired…" I look at her.

"This stay's between us, promise." She smiled at me.

"Okay. He's perfect. I mean besides he's got a wife who just last night delivered his son." I spoke quickly knowing I would get some sort of response from the brunette.

"Oh my God, are you serious?" She asked her mouth open wide. "They are getting a divorce though." I clarify.

"Still! You're totally hooking up with a married man! Wow, Taylor totally didn't see you for that kind of sneaky!" Summer giggled. I laughed along with her. This was fun. I had never in my life experienced this and I didn't want to let it go.

"When you make it sound like that I feel like a slut." I laughed jokingly. "Well have you two…you know?" She quirked up her eyebrows. I shake my head quickly.

"Oh no! Of course not. That's not going to happen for a long time." I told her after setting the ice cream carton down on the floor. "Have you and Seth?" I asked seriously. "No." She shook her head quickly. She's going to wish she _never _did once they do. He's _terrible at sex _but I'm sure I've mentioned that before.

"Look, Summer I really should tell you this…he used to hit me. I don't know if he has raised a hand to you but…Summer he hurt me." I knew this was probably not the best thing to tell her but I just had to. Poor girl was going into this relationship with Seth Cohen blind as a bat.

"He told me. He said he wouldn't hit me the way he hit you." Summer lowered a voice a bit. I was surprised. Seth actually told her? I can't…why me? I want to scream and ask her why me? Ask someone why only I got hit and pressured into sex like I was. No, this isn't fair.

"I have to go." I quickly stand up from my spot on the floor. Summer looks up at me confused. "What? What's wrong?" She asks me standing up beside me. "I just have to go…" I grabbed my bag off of her bed and quickly walked out of her house.

I was shaking by the time I made it to my car. This was totally bothering me. "Ryan, I can't drive." I called him on the phone quickly. My whole body was shaking too much to keep my hands on the wheel. "Taylor, what's going on?" He asked me. He sounded worried. "I need you to come get me. I'm at Summer's. Please, Ryan." I begged.

"How do I get there?" He quickly asked. He was on his way. I couldn't move.

"He told her he'd never hurt her like he did me, Ryan! Why me? Why did he have to hit me? I can't even get close to you because of him!" I screamed once Ryan's face was in front of mine. I had to stop this. I had to stop making him save me. I'm a big girl I can do this on my own. But I want him here. I want to just know someone's around that cares about me.

"Shh, come on Taylor." He grabbed both sides of my arms and helped me up. I needed to stop this. NOW.

"I'm sorry, Ryan. I shouldn't have called you. I'm depending way too much on you. You've got this whole other life that doesn't involve me. You should be with your wife and son in the hospital." I told him leaning my back against my car. I wasn't able to hold myself up.

"Get in your car and follow me to my house. Call your mom lie, I don't care what you tell her you're staying with me tonight. Okay?" He grabbed both sides of my face making me look directly at him. I nod and he kisses the tip of my nose. I realize my mom won't even be home tonight. She's on some sort of work trip. I don't really remember. "She's not home." I tell him.

"At all?" He asked. I shook my head no. "I'll see you in a minute." He says opening my car door for me and watches me get in.

"I remember seeing this place when I was at Seth's." I look around Ryan's large home. It's not much bigger than mine. Which is strange since my mom and I are the only people who live there. Ryan smiled back at me as he took his shoes off in the foyer. He walked over and helped me take my jacket off. He kissed away the remnants of my tears on my cheeks.

"I don't ever want to see you crying again." He tells me putting his hands on the back of my head. "I won't as long as I have you." I tell him smiling.

"Good. Now come on, I want you to tell me pick out my new place." He tells me guiding me to an office just past the living room. "You're looking on the internet?" I question as he sits down and pulls me onto his lap. He pulls the laptop close enough for both of us to look at. "Yes I am. How about this one?" He points to a small town house.

"It's cute." I shrug. It's two bedroom one bath. Perfect for a bachelor. I guess that's what Ryan will be once he divorces Marissa.

"Oh that one!" I point to a small two story home that is painted a light blue. "It's got three bedrooms. I don't really need three." He tells me.

"Make one an office or something. Then the other will be Kingsly's room when he visits. It's so cute, Ry." I lean my body back to rest against him.

"So I have to get it because it's cute?" He laughs at me. "Of course, silly. Then once I'm 18 and graduated I can move in." _Oh God. _I did not say that out loud. That was supposed to be only for my mind. Not for Ryan to hear. He tenses up underneath me.

"No, I didn't mean that. I'm sorry. I…" I'm embarrassed. "It's okay. If we last through all of this, Taylor of course I want you to move in." When he tells me that I get shivers through my body. "How did I ever get so lucky?" I ask turning around to face him and straddle his legs.

"If I get this much response out of you from just looking at the house, that's the one I want." He joked. So his jokes suck, but he's cute when he tries. "Mmhmm." I laugh grinding my hips into him. "Don't do that." He tells me placing his hands on my hips.

"And why not?" I ask knowing exactly what his answer is. "Because it's hot." He growls a little. I can't believe I'm actually causing this kind of response out a guy. This wasn't anything like It was with Seth. _Not even close. _

"Mr. Atwood did you just call me hot? That is no way to talk to your student." I tell him sitting up on his lap and placing my hands on top of his. He smiles and removes his hands placing them on my ass and pulling me into him. I giggle and kiss him hard on the lips.


	14. Chapter 14

**I'm just getting Ryan and Taylor ready for the drama coming ahead which is why most of these chapters are just filler. I guess they go a step further in this one though. **

**REVIEW, PLEASE? Thank you for people who have reviewed!**

Chapter 14

I wake up in Ryan's arms. He's still sleeping. His alarm is going off. It's 6 am. We have to get to school. "Ry." I rub gently on his bare chest. He stirs only pulling me closer into his body. "No, Taylor." He whines keeping his eyes shut tightly. "You have to get up." I pull my hand through his hair. "Let's not go. Just stay here all day." He groans.

"We can't do that…" I say wishing with everything in me that we could. "Yes we can. I can get a sub." He says. I'm about to say yes when the alarm starts going off again. "We can't." I say trying to push him away from me. It's not working. He's pulling me tighter to him.

"Please…" He's begging. It's so cute. Then he pulls me on top of him and hugs me close to his body. I'm right where I belong. "Come on, baby." I urge kissing his chest gently. He responds by moving his hands up and down my back.

"With you doing that there is no way I am getting up." He laughs at me. "Well I guess you can call in sick. You know, so we could just stay in bed all day. Or we can go check on that house." I put my chin on his chest. "Yeah, sounds good." He smiled reaching over for phone.

I kissed down his chest as he talked to someone from the school. He kept giving me an evil glare once I reached his belly button. He made up some excuse telling them that he needed to stay home because Marissa needed him or something that was a complete lie.

"So not fair." He said pulling me back up his body. "I thought it was." I laughed placing my hands on either side of his face. "You hungry?" He asked turning me over to where I was on my back and he was on top of me. I shook my head no. I had lost my appetite since I lost the baby. I barely ate anything and when I did it was very little. "Good." He says and reaches his head down to attack my lips with his.

The kiss starts out slow. Then I feel his tongue trying to break threw my lips. I open my mouth slightly letting his tongue enter. If he doesn't stop caressing my thigh with his hand then I'm not so sure I'm going to be able to stop him or me from going any further. I can't let that happen. Not yet. His hand is getting closer. I'm freaking out. I break away from this kiss and grab his hand.

"No." I say pulling it back up towards my face. He groans then his lips are back on mine. Now his hand is on my chest. He has to stop touching me. I can't let him touch me like that. "Ryan, you can't…we can't…" I break away again searching into his eyes that have somehow turned a little darker. He nods and places a small kiss on my forehead before rolling off of me. I can tell I got him worked up. Obviously.

"I need a shower." I say smiling over at him. He's groan's again.

"Thinking about me naked?" I laugh crawling over him to get out of the bed. "You have no idea." He says huskily grabbing my arm and pulling me in for one more kiss.

"Maybe you should take one first. You know…a cold one." I giggle.

"Take one with me?" He raises an eyebrow at me_. Oh God._ That look in his eyes. Pure lust. He wants me. I can see it. But can I trust him? Can I trust that if we do this huge step that he's not just going to use me for sex? Can I trust that he won't go running back to his wife after he gets what he wants out of me? I don't know how to answer all of these questions in my head. He's licking his lips staring at me. "It can't be cold." I say grabbing his arm and pulling him into his bathroom with me.

"For someone who doesn't want to do anything you are sure initiating it." He looks frustrated after he closes the door behind us. He leans one hand against the sink to get a grip on himself.

"I want it, Ryan. I really really do but…I'm scared. What if I'm not good enough and then you decide that Marissa is better and go running back to her. I'm scared you're only in this to get into my pants and I know I shouldn't be because I know you're not that type of person…but I was abused Ryan. You can't expect me to just jump into this not scared." I'm rambling. He's just watching me. I can't read his eyes, that's really bothering me.

"I don't expect you to, Taylor. Do you think I'm not scared? I'm fucking terrified. You are this 17 year old girl and I am totally and insanely attracted to you in more ways than one. I could get into so much trouble over this but it doesn't matter. Nothing matters as long as I can see you and touch you. If you don't want to do anything, we won't. Not until you're ready. I'm not going to run back to Marissa because if I really loved her would I be here with you right now? Would I be wanting a future with you and I've barely known you a month? No. You know it took me three years to decide to marry Marissa and I still wasn't sure I loved her." He's never talked so much. He's just as scared as I am. For different reasons but he's still scared.

"Do you love me?" I don't know why I asked. We already had this discussion but maybe in the past few days he had really decided. I'm not sure what to believe about love. I want to believe in it. I really do. I know if I stay with Ryan like this then I will know what love is. That's scares the shit out of me. Knowing that love could be real. Then once I'm in it something bad will happen and all of this time spent falling for him will mean nothing. I'll be devastated and he'll move on. People don't just want to stay with me. He'll get what he wants and he'll leave. To be honest I think I want to risk it. All of it. Even if it's just to be with Ryan for a little bit. At least I'll be with him.

"Make love to me, Ryan Atwood." I think my words surprise him. I know they are sure surprising me right now. I never thought I'd say that. He never even responded to my question about him loving me. But it doesn't matter. I don't need to hear those words. Not now, not yet. He's not answering me. He's just staring. I suddenly feel embarrassed.

"Oh God, you don't want to. I'm sorry. I should go…" I try to leave but his hand is catching my arm. I look back at him and before I can even responds he has me pushed up against the closed door. He breaks away as if he's going to ask me something. I place my finger on his lips.

"If you ask me if I'm sure then we are going to stop this right now. Because yes, Ryan I am very sure."


	15. Chapter 15

**Ryan's POV. Probably the only chapter i'll do in his POV. Don't know exactly yet. **

**Oh and the song is "Seventeen Forever" by Metro Station. Felt like it fit. **

Chapter 15

_You are young and so am I_

_And this is wrong_

_But who am I to judge?_

_You feel like heaven when we touch_

_I guess for me this is enough_

My head is spinning. This _seventeen year old girl _standing in front of me is perfect. Everything about her is perfect. Despite her tendency to go for terrible guys. Yeah, even I'm not good enough for her. Seriously, no guy is good enough for this amazing girl.

I can't believe that I've fallen for her in so short of time. With Marissa it had taken so long to decide to marry her. It wasn't even out of love but more for security. For the both of us. Neither of us had really grown up in the most stable of homes. I don't like talking about it much, so I just don't.

My mom stops by every now and then for money but once she has it she's gone on another binge promising to get help as soon as possible. She'll say anything for me to give her a few bucks. I'm her son, what else am I supposed to do?

I can't do this. I just can't…I feel like I'm corrupting this girl. I feel like I need to save her. Save her from her ex and from myself. I'll just hurt her. _God, she's perfect. _She has no idea how beautiful and amazing she really is. I need to tell her that or better yet show her.

_We're one mistake from being together_

_But let's not ask why it's not right_

_You won't be seventeen forever_

_And we can get away with this tonight_

I'm not letting her move her hands to touch me. No, this isn't about me. This is all about her.

"Ry-an." She's whining but the way her nose scrunches up is so cute. I just shake my head when she tries to kiss me. I'm leaving soft kisses all along her collar bone. She shakes under my touch. I have her pinned up against the bathroom door. Maybe the bed would be better, this time.

"Come on." I grab her hand pulling away from her. She looks at me with these confused lustful eyes that are totally getting to me.

I suddenly feel like we're going too fast. Way too fast but it feels right. It feels more right than anything else in my life. I laid her down gently on the bed. She tried touching me again.

"No." I growled pushing her hands away. She gave me her best pout. As cute as it was I wasn't going to fall for it. "This isn't fair." She spoke as I started to pull her shirt over her head.

"Yes it is." I smiled seeing her amazing body. Then I saw the yellow bruises. They were healing but I could still make them out on her chest, her arms and her stomach. Her hips had thumb prints on them. How someone could hurt her was beyond me. She saw that I was staring at them.

"Don't look at those." I heard her whisper. I bent my head down and began kissing each visible bruise. I pinned her arms down so she would stop trying to touch me.

"Wait! We can't do this here!" She fought against my restraints. I gave her a questionable look after releasing her from my grip.

"What?" I managed to croak out not wanting to stop this but I knew if she wanted to stop, I would. "I am not having sex with you in the same bed you probably conceived your son in." She pushed me off of her and ran into the bathroom to grab her shirt.

"Taylor." I groaned following her. "Look, if we're going to do this we can't do it in that bed or mine. No." She shook her head holding her shirt but not putting it back on.

"Okay." I nod because I don't really care where we do it. I just want to feel her. All of her. I sound like a perv. I'm not. I've never felt like this. _Ever_. That has to mean something.

I'm not one of those dirty teachers who look at all of their female students as meat. Nope, I've never even looked at a student the way I look at Taylor. There's just something about this girl. I can't put my finger on it but there's something.

_You are young and I was scared_

_You're wise beyond your years_

_But I don't care_

_And I can feel your heartbeat_

_You know exactly where to take me_

"Oh and I'm not having sex with you anywhere in this house that you have done it with her." She sounds bitter. She's jealous. I laugh.

"Well, if you must know we never had sex in here." I said huskily. Once again I'm sounding like a perv. I don't have to do this with her. I shouldn't push her.

"When was the last time you two...had sex?" Why did she have to ask that? I stumbled on my words. "Oh My God, you've had sex with her recently, haven't you? After she cheated on you?"

I try to speak but nothing comes out. She's wrong. I haven't even slept in the same bed as Marissa since I caught her. Taylor's trying to walk past me but I'm not letting her.

"No. Taylor, we haven't done anything in months." I am finally able to get out. I watch as her face turns from a frown to an amazing smile. I laugh as she suddenly lunges herself at me kissing me harshly. Where this came from I will never know but I'm not complaining.

"If you don't let me touch you then we aren't doing this." She breaks away from me. All I can do is nod. What is this girl doing to me? No one has ever had this much power over me. _Oh_. That's what she's doing to me.

_We're one mistake from being together_

_But let's not ask why it's not right_

_You won't be seventeen forever_

_And we can get away with this tonight_

I'm not sure how we managed to get in the shower or even turn it on for that matter. I don't even remember my mind was so fucking cloudy.

_This girl was getting to me_. And she knew it too. "If I hurt you…tell me and I'll stop." I'm almost in her. I just don't want to hurt her. "No you won't." She bites down on her lower lip. _She's so fucking sexy. _

I don't think I've ever been more satisfied in my entire life. She…she's…_wow_. I can't even think straight. What am I doing? This girl is _seventeen! _Not even legal and I'm in my shower _fucking _her. On top of that she's my _student_. I can't stop. I won't. Not unless she wants me to and the look on her face is telling me that she definitely doesn't want me to stop.

She screams my name as she climax's. I'm not far behind her.

"That was…wow." We're both gasping for air. My hand is slipping on the wet tile but I'm still trying to hold us both up. She unwraps her legs from my waist and I pull out. I feel empty now. Like when she was on me…I felt whole. Okay, this is freaking me out. I shouldn't feel this for a girl.

_A SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL! _I hadn't even felt this way about my wife, ever. _My wife_. I'm doing exactly what she did to me. _Cheat. _But I just don't care anymore. This girl is worth it. She's wresting her head on my chest. I still haven't said anything. It's like I've lost my ability to speak. I know I don't speak much but I just feel like I need to say _something_.

"Ryan." She's looking up at me now. "Hi." I'm able to croak out. She's giggling. It's an amazing sound. I love to see her smile. I love to hear her laugh.

I remember seeing her for the first time. I knew this girl was broken. I knew she needed to be fixed. I hadn't tried to help her to get with her. I hadn't even thought of that. Not until I touched her for the first time. I realized that the spark I felt was much more than what I should have been feeling touching someone.

When I saw her with her abusive boyfriend I remember having to tell myself that they were only kids. That I'd go to jail for hitting him.

Hell, I'd go to jail for doing _this_ with _her_.

_"Will you remember me?"_

_You ask me as I leave_

_"Remember what I said?"_

_Oh, how could I_

_Oh, how could I forget?_

"Hi." She smiles reaching her hand up and resting it on the back of my neck. I lean over and kiss her forehead before we finally break away from each other. The once warm water was now spraying on us cold. She was shivering as I stepped out of the shower to hand her a towel. So much for showering.

"I think I should take a shower. Alone." She shakes her head when I try to hand it to her. "Fine. I'm going to take one downstairs." I say laying the towel down on the floor.

"Can I borrow some of your clothes?" She asks. "Yeah." I nod. _God, her body is amazing_.

I'm freaking out. How can I do this? How can we not get caught. Everything's going too well. Something's going to happen and we're both going to pay for it. I know I'm far too in this now to stop though. I'm an _idiot_. A complete total idiot.

_We're one mistake from being together_

_But let's not ask why it's not right_

_You won't be seventeen forever_

_And we can get away with this tonight _


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

"Hey baby." I walk out of the bathroom and he's sitting on his bed waiting for me. "Hey." I smile pulling my hair to the side. I walked over to him. I stood between his legs with his head on my chest. His hands had found their way down to my ass in a matter of seconds. "I missed you." He tells me. His voice is making my whole body shiver. His words are making me smile.

"How could you miss me? I just saw you." I giggled. He looked up at me. "I don't like being away from you for long." He said truthfully. Oh God. What was this guy doing to me? How did I let him get to me like this?

"Did you use these tactics on Marissa?" Why I had to ruin the moment was far beyond me. He groaned pushing me away a little.

"What's wrong?" He looked up at me with his blue eyes. Those eyes were still getting to me. "I don't know…I'm jealous of her. I don't know why but I am. I'm sorry…I just can't help it." I pout wrapped my arms around his neck.

"That's kind of cute. But like I said I don't love her so you have nothing to worry about." He assured me.

"But what happens when she comes back here and you see her with your son? You'll want to be there for the both of them. I am far too selfish to let that happen." I say. I don't want him going back to her but in a way I know why he would. She's safe and she's the mother of his newborn son. Why wouldn't he want to be with her? On top of all that she's beautiful. I'm nowhere near that.

"Don't worry because it's not going to happen." He smiled up at me. "Good." I leaned down and caught his lips with mine. "Marissa just called…she'll be leaving the hospital soon. She wants me to pick her up." What a mood breaker. I sighed and pulled away from him. "Fine, go play house with your amazing wife." I said bitterly. "It's not like that, Taylor." He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me back to him. "I know…I'm sorry I guess I'll just go home now. Call me later? When you're not playing daddy?" I asked kissing his lips lightly. He just laughed at me. I sounded jealous. Mostly because I was.

"You have to stop this jealousy thing, Taylor." He groaned standing up. "Yeah well…not going to happen." I said backing away from him. "Bye baby." He pulled me back to him and kissed me hard on the lips. I didn't respond at first but when I did we both had to stop because it had gotten far too heated. "Wait, closet tomorrow morning?" I asked hopefully. "You bet." He smiled kissing me one last time before I slipped out of his house. I got in my car and took a deep breath. I couldn't believe I had let our relationship get this far. I should have taken a step back not 10 steps forward.

"So, how's the wife?" I ask with my hands on my hips as my married boyfriend comes into the closet behind me the next morning. "Taylor…" He groaned. "What I was just asking a question." I smiled a little. "She's okay…actually she kicked me out." He rubbed his hand on the back of his head.

"Oh did she? Where are you staying then?" I ask quickly. "Hotel. I talked to a realtor yesterday and I signed some papers I should be in the house by the end of the week." He pulled me close to him.

"The house I picked out?" I asked with the quirk of an eyebrow. He smiled. "Of course." He put his hand on the back of my head pulling me forward to kiss him. This man was everything I had ever dreamed of. Not to mention he was an amazing kisser. Oh and he was pretty good at sex. So that is a complete understatement. He's amazing at sex. Well he has a few years on me plus I'm pretty sure he knows what he's doing far more than I do. "You wore a skirt." He grinned.

"Mmhmm." I moaned as he sucked on my ear lobe. He hitched my skirt up so it was around my waist. I wasn't complaining as he stroked my thigh. "We only have a few minutes. Hurry." I spoke impatiently. I reached down to unzip his pants and pull them down along with his boxers. "Good thing I'm on birth control" I say straightening my skirt out after everything.

"Mmhmm." He kissed me still trying to catch his breath. "God, you're perfect." He whispered against my lips. "You are too." I pulled my hands through his hair deepening the kiss he had just placed on my lips.

"Come on, school's about to start." I push him away a little. He groans. "Mr. Atwood you don't want to be late for class, now do you?" I laughed pecking his lips one last time before slipping out of the closet.

I ran to the bathroom to make sure my hair wasn't sticking up in odd places. "Oh My God, you had sex." Summer Roberts entered the bathroom. My eyes widened at her remark. "I don't know what you're talking about, Summer." I lowered my voice in case someone was in one of the bathroom stalls.

"Don't play dumb with me, Taylor. You have that after sex glow. You did it with Mr. Hottie didn't you?" She lowered her voice too making sure she wouldn't be over heard. I bit down on my bottom lip. "I knew it! I knew you two wouldn't last long before getting it on. Now tell me how amazing it was." Summer smiled. "I'm not at liberty to discuss how amazing my boyfriend is at sex." I tell her raising my eyebrow.

"Fine fine don't give me details. You might want to do something about that huge mark on your neck." She pointed to my neck.

"Ugh…" I groaned taking my make-up out of my bag. "Wait was this why neither of you were at school yesterday. And does this have anything to do with why you just left quickly from my house the day before?" She stood beside me with her hand on hip.

"No, I left your house because I freaked out about the whole Seth thing. I just…Why me? But that doesn't matter anymore. But yeah…it happened yesterday. I had slept over at his house the night before. Marissa was still in the hospital with the baby and everything…so…yesterday it just sort of happened." I told her. Her mouth was agape.

"What?" I asked the stunned brunette. "I just…Marissa? Marissa Cooper?" She asked rummaging through her bag. "Yeah, why?" I asked confused a little.

"Because! She's in my magazine. She's like this huge model or something. It says she's married but doesn't say to who and she's never seen with him. I mean they have pictures of her pregnant and everything." She thrust the magazine at me.

"Wow." I flipped through the glossy pages. "You're messing with a guy who's wife is basically a celebrity." She said. I didn't see what the big deal was. So what? She's a model, doesn't matter. "Doesn't change anything, Summer. Now if you'll excuse me class starts soon and I would really like to get there." I smiled at her.

"Mr. Hottie?" She asks. "Are you going to keep calling him that?" I asked her. "Yeah, because he is!" She said matter-of-factly.

"You're right but I'll see you later, okay?" I look at her one last time. "Of course." She smiles. I hope I can trust her. I need to trust her. She's the only person I have to talk to about any of this. This mess I've gotten myself into.

"Taylor." Oliver Trask smiles at me as I sit down next to him at the desk.

"Oliver." I nod coldly. "Where were you yesterday?" He asks quickly. Ryan's sitting at his desk watching our interaction. "I had things to do." I said with a wave of my hand.

"Oh…" He said sounding a little defeated. Ryan cleared his throat and class began. I couldn't help but think about everything that had happened between us. I ran my hand through my hair trying to answer the questions on my paper. Truthfully I couldn't keep my mind on the book in front of me. I nudged Oliver with my elbow. He looked up at me.

"What did you get for question two?" I whispered to him. He let me look over at his paper. "Thanks." I smiled. I couldn't believe I was copying this guys paper. I had never in my life cheated. This wasn't like me. I looked up to see Ryan sitting at his desk. He had seen Oliver touch my arm. I knew he wouldn't care about me looking on Oliver's paper but he did care about any type of touch that went on between me and the guy sitting next to me.

"Taylor, I think you should switch seats with Riley." He pointed to the desk next to mine. I widened my eyes.

"Why?" I ask smiling. "You're too distracted and you're not getting any work done, now please move." He said through gritted teeth. I nodded and Riley and I switched seats. I saw Oliver's face falter as I sat next to some redheaded girl I had never spoken to before.

"Lindsey." She smiled extending her hand to me. "Taylor." I tried to smile back shaking her hand. "Get to work you two." Ryan pointed his pencil at the both of us. I scrunched up my nose and looked down at my paper. I knew Ryan loved it when I made that face.

"Care to explain what that was about?" Ryan asked me after class. He had gotten up and shut his door behind the last student. "What?" I asked innocently sitting on the desk in front of him. "You know what I'm talking about." He snapped a little.

"Oh, Mr. Atwood are we jealous?" I stuck my bottom lip out crossing one of my legs over the other. He glared at me. "That's your permanent seat now." He told me. He was still sitting at his desk looking uncomfortable.

"Why can't I sit next to Oliver?" I asked sweetly. "He likes you so that's not going to happen." I smiled at him. "Now who's the jealous one, hmm? I need to get to my locker before class so I'll see you later." I said hopping off of the desk. "Bye." He waved.

I hated that I had to leave the room without kissing him. It sucked being at school and not being able to touch him well beside our morning 'closet time.'

"Taylor." My mother's voice rang through the house startling me from my spot on the counter. I jumped off pushing the chips I was eating away so she wouldn't find them. The last thing I needed was for her to say something about my eating habits to me.

"Hey mom." I smiled at her. "Hi." She flicked her wrist at me. "What have you been eating?" God, the woman was insane. "Nothing." I choked out. "Taylor, what did I say about junk food?" She put her hands on her hips. "I'm going to my room." I say rushing away from her. I can hear the chip bag being thrown into the garbage.

Whatever. My phone was ringing when I stepped in my room.

"Ryan." I smiled answering. "I take it you looked at the caller ID." He laughed a little. "Of course, what's up?" I ask plopping back on my bed. "Nothing, just wanted to hear your voice." I could tell he was smiling.

"Aww, that's sweet of you. Are you at the hotel?" I asked him wishing he'd invite me over but I know that would probably not be a good idea. People around this town were nosy.

"Yeah, I wish I could see you but I don't know if it's such a good idea for you to come here. You know people talk and stuff." He sounded a little defeated. "You're right but that hasn't stopped us yet." I reminded him. "You're right." And I knew he had given in. I squealed taking the phone off of my ear and grabbing my car keys.

"Where are you going?" My mom is standing in front of me. "Out for a little bit." I told her.

"Fine. Look, tonight I'm having a friend over can you not come home until late?" I couldn't believe this woman was asking me that. The woman who thought I had no friends was wanting to stay out late. "I can manage that." I told her before slipping out of the house.

Ryan was sitting on the hotel bed watching TV. I pulled the sun glasses off of my face and took the hat I was wearing off of my head.

"You made it." He looked up at me "I wouldn't miss this chance to see you." I smiled crawling on the bed and up his body. I laid my head on his chest and he stroked my hair with his hand. "I could just lay here with you forever." I told him. "Me too." He sighed. "Summer knows…" I trailed off. I don't know why I had to tell him. I just felt like he should know that someone knew about us. "Is she…is she going to tell?" He asked nervously. "No. She promised." I told him. He smiled and kissed the top of my head. I was so tired that I had drifted off to sleep right there on top of him. I was probably crushing him but he didn't move the entire time I slept.

"Don't you need to get home?" He asked as I finally woke up three hours later. "No, my mom's got a 'friend' over she wants me to stay out until late." I tell him moving off of him and onto my side snuggling myself into his side. He wrapped his arm around me as I laid my head on his chest. "So…is your son cute?" I looked up into his eyes.

"The cutest…but it just doesn't seem right. You know? I feel like he's not even mine the way Marissa is acting. But he looks like me so I know he is…" He ran his hand through my hair as he sighed. "I see. Is she going to let you see him and everything?" I asked him.

"I guess. She said she'll have to see. She's the one who cheated on me." Well, he had after all cheated on her too. Right? "What do you call you and I? You did the exact same thing she did to you." I remind him. "You're right but…I…it just seems different." He shrugged. I knew what he meant. This felt completely different. I checked the clock on the nightstand an hour later. It read 11 pm.

"I still have a few hours until I can go home…so." I smiled pulling myself back on top of him.

"So what?" He smirked. "You know exactly what I'm talking about." I laughed putting my hands on his chest. He rolled us over so he was on top. "I don't think I do but maybe you could show me?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Nope. You'll just have to figure it out on your own." I tried to keep my face serious. Wasn't working. I had burst out laughing. He had started tickling me.

"Stop it!" I cried trying to wiggle away from him. "Not until you tell me what you want me to do to you." He whispered into my ear huskily as I squirmed. "Not going to happen." I said between the giggles that were erupting from me.

"Then I'm not going to stop." He announced. "Ryan!" I tried to give him a stern look. That wasn't working either.

"Is this what you want me to do?" He asked finally took his hand away from my side and lowered it down to in between my thighs.

"Almost." I was able to croak out. "Tell me what I do next." He smirked. I rolled my eyes. He was making me blush. I didn't know what to tell him. I knew what I wanted but to say it was something totally different.

"Right now I want you to take my skirt off of me. I feel too restricted." I told him. He nodded reaching for the zipper on the side of the knee length skirt. It was soon discarded on the floor. "Now what?" He asks me inching his hand towards my panties.

"Now you have to take my shirt off." I smirked. He nodded and crawled up my body a bit to get to the top button of my shirt.


	17. Chapter 17

**Depression makes me want to write. Thankfully it doesn't always spill into my writing. Two chapter within 5 minutes.Review, please?**

Chapter 17

Somehow I had managed to tell him exactly what I wanted him to do. I don't know how I did it but somehow he gave me this new confidence that had made everything so comfortable. I had fallen asleep by his side still naked. Nothing seemed to matter right then. Everything seemed perfect. He had even told me so himself a couple of times. I don't know why I'm doing this to myself. This isn't going to stay so amazing. It's going to crash and burn like everything else in my life. We're going to get out of this phase we're in right now and somehow things are going to fall apart. As much as I don't want them to they will. Nothing in my life can ever stay good. I woke up with Ryan's arms around my waist. I glanced up over at the clock on the nightstand. It was almost 5 am. I jumped up out of bed.

"Ryan!" I hissed trying to wake him up. He was stirring so I walked over and pushed him a little. "Hmm?" He opened his eyes slowly.

"It's 5! I have to get going. I'll see you at school." I said leaning over and kissing his lips. I was glad it was Friday but I hoped to God my mom wouldn't notice that I was coming home right now.

I didn't want to have to explain why my hair was all over the place or why I probably smelled like sex. I was walking to the door when I came face to face with a man I had never seen before.

"Uhm, excuse me." I tried to pass the tall man. "Who are you?" He asked me. "I should be asking you that question since you are in MY house." I gritted my teeth at him.

"Oh, you smell like your mother." He bent down and growled in my ear. I stood there silent as he went to leave. "That was totally uncalled for, ass!" I yelped before turning towards the stairs and running up them quickly.

"Taylor." My mother looked surprised to see me. "Mom." My eyes widened. "What are you doing? Are you just getting in?" She sounded like she actually cared.

"No. I went out for a run earlier, you know trying to lose some weight to fit into my winter clothes." I lied to her face. She seemed to take that answer.

The shower I took didn't help any. I couldn't get the smell off of me if I tried. Or maybe that was just me feeling guilty about not being at home until almost 6 am.

"So that really can't happen again. I mean my mom didn't know that I wasn't home but this morning I came face to face with one of my moms 'friends' the man came on to me, Ryan. It was so gross." I rambled after we were tucked away in the closet that had become a comfortable place for us. I saw him tenses up a little.

"Oh no, I didn't mean it like that. I mean he…said I smelled like my mother. Ew." I scrunched up my nose and he laughed kissing my nose.

"Summer wants me to go over to her place tonight and well I kind of already told my mother I'd be spending the night, instead how about I stay with you at the hotel?" I smiled raising an eyebrow. His face faltered a bit. "What?" I asked nervously.

"Marissa wants me to watch Kingsly for a few hours so she can get some shopping done." He said. "Oh, okay well that's fine I'll just see you tomorrow?" I questioned.

"Actually you'll see me tonight I should be back at the hotel around 10 or so. I'll call." He kissed my forehead. _God, _I couldn't be away from this guy for more than a few hours. Something is wrong with me. _Seriously_.

Oliver looked far too disappointed when I sat down next to Lindsey the next day. "He has a crush on you." She pointed her finger at the black haired guy.

"So." I shrug. I don't really care. That's his problem not mine. "You don't like him?" She asks. Who was this girl and why did she think she needed to be in my business? "No, I've got a boyfriend." I flashed her a smile. I think Ryan overheard because when I looked at the front of the class I saw him smiling.

"Taylor." Oliver Trask grabbed my arm as we were about to leave class. I look down at his hand and pushed it off of my elbow.

"Hmm?" I turned towards him. We were the only people left in Ryan's class room all but Ryan who was acting like he was doing something but I knew he was listening.

"I was just wanting to know if you wanted to go out tonight? Maybe catch a movie get something to eat?" He gave me a genuine smile. "No!" Ryan yelled from his desk. I widened my eyes and looked over at him. "What?" I tried to sound annoyed by him.

"Sorry, my computer crashed." Such a liar. "Oliver, I can't. I'm really sorry I can't. You seem like a nice guy and all but really I don't have those type of feelings for you plus I doubt my boyfriend wouldn't like that." I told him. He didn't look pleased.

"I thought you didn't have a boyfriend?" He asked. "I didn't when you asked me that the other night but I do now." I flashed him a small smile. "Oh okay." He nodded and walked past me out of the classroom.

"No?" I quirked an eyebrow at Ryan laughing at him. "So that wasn't my finest moment." He shrugged.

"I would say not. I was going to say no anyway. I could never cheat on my amazing boyfriend." I smiled before walking out of the class room.

"Are we still on for tonight?" Summer caught up with me in the hall going to my next class.

"Of course." I nodded at her. "Great! I'll supply the junk food and movie of course. Cohen's visiting his mom this weekend. He said she's not doing better." Summer looked down at her feet. Kirsten had always been an amazing woman. Up until her father died. She had started drinking and nothing seemed to help her stop.

"Okay. I'll see you after school, Sum." I said before walking towards my next class. Life couldn't be better right now. I had an amazing boyfriend and a new friend who I'm pretty sure could be my best friend. I could only hope. I needed more people in my life. For awhile there I was currently lacking in them.

During lunch as I sat in the lounge not hungry I got a text from Ryan. _Miss you. God, could this guy get anymore perfect?_ Okay maybe he could meaning he'd either be younger or I'd be older. He wouldn't be my teacher oh and he wouldn't be married to an international model! But I take what I can get.

"So, Townsend how are things on the home front?" Summer bounced back on her bed.

"Things are…okay. My mom's sleeping around again." I shrugged looking over at Summer who was laughing. "I met one of her guys this morning, too. When I came home at 5 am." I bit my lower lip hearing Summer laugh. I knew she'd want all details. Somehow I didn't mind telling her all of my deep secrets. Okay so these aren't my deep secrets. I wouldn't tell her any of those.

"5 am? Where were you? Oh my God you were getting it on with Mr. Hottie weren't you?" She smiled sitting up on her knees.

"Summer, stop calling him that! And stop saying 'getting it on' it sounds so…so gross." I replied. "Whatever, sex, making love, getting it on. Same difference." She said seriously.

"Now enough about my relationship with Ryan. How are you and Seth?" I asked crossing my legs to face her. "Well…good actually. I mean better than expected. At first I was kind of afraid of him. I knew he had hit you…and I was scared he'd do the same to me. But he hasn't and he promised he won't…" It was her turn to get nervous and bite down on her lower lips.

"He won't hit you, Summer. I don't know what it was about me but he won't do that to you. He's had a thing for you since he and I started dating." I told her truthfully. Her face lit up. If only I believed that he wouldn't hit her. This is exactly how things with Seth and I had been when we first started dating. Amazing and blissful. Out of nowhere he turned on me. I can only hope he doesn't do that to Summer. She doesn't deserve to be treated so terribly_._


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

"Okay so how do we do this?" I looked over at my best friend Summer Roberts and then down at the baby laying in front of us. "I don't know, do I look like I've changed a diaper before? Ew." She made a face that I tried not to laugh at.

"We have to do this, if Ryan comes home and his baby smells then he's going to be angry." I say. Summer grabs the diaper bag that Ryan had told us the Kingsly's diapers were in.

"Okay…is there a handbook in here?" Summer rummaged through the bag. "Summer! Baby's do not come with instructions." I glared at her. "They should. I think we're supposed to take the dirty diaper off first." No Duh!

"You do it." I smiled at her. "Put the gloves on and you do it, this is your boyfriends baby not mine!" She scoots back a little.

"No fair." I pouted taking the gloves. "Haven't you done this before?"

So you think I would having dated Ryan for 3 months now but no, this was the first time he's ever left me to watch Kingsly alone. Marissa was away doing some photo shoot that weekend so Ryan was stuck with baby duty which he in turn asked if Summer and I would watch Kingsly while he went out with some friends. I agreed being the amazing girlfriend that I am.

"Ryan's always changed him." I say scrunching my nose down at the baby who was just kicking his legs. I had to admit he was pretty cute. "Here goes nothing." I pulled the gloves on my hands.

Fifteen minutes later I was sitting on Ryan's couch holding a clean happy baby. I had put the diaper on wrong twice. I don't know how I managed it but I did. "See, Summer that wasn't so terrible." I smiled over at her.

"You act like you knew what you were doing." She plopped down on the couch next to me. "I managed. I don't think I could ever do this full time, though." I said looking down at the baby.

"You would if you had to." She said flipping through channels on Ryan's TV. I loved being at his place. He been living in it for about two months now. I spent more time over here than I did at my own house.

My mom had started dating this one guy so she was always wanting me to be out of the house when he was over which was almost every single night. She said I cramped her style. Oh and she didn't want them to think she was old because she has a 17 year old daughter._ Newsflash, mother you are old!_ Of course I didn't say that to her face although I was very tempted.

Three diaper changes, 2 bottles and about a billion and one different screams Ryan come home. "He hates me, Ryan!" I said meeting Ryan at the front door with the screaming baby.

"He doesn't hate you." Ryan chuckled taking him out of my arms. The baby instantly stopped crying. Summer was sitting on the couch behind us laughing at me.

"See, he hates me." I pointed to the now silent baby. "I'm going to get going. I'll see you at school on Monday, Taylor." Summer got up from the couch and walked towards the front door. "Thanks, Summer." Ryan flashed her a smile.

"No problem. Bye!" She waved slipping out the door. "Was it so bad?" He asks as he walks towards the stairs.

"Why did you not think to teach me how to change his diaper before you left?" I folded my arms across my chest following him up and into the room Ryan had set up for when Kingsly was over. It wasn't often, but the room was here for whenever.

"Did you change it?" He asked laying him down in the crib. "Well yeah…but…" I pouted. He pulled me out of the room and turned the light off shutting the door slightly. "I'm sure it was fine." He laughed kissing my nose.

"Easy for you to say." I rolled my eyes at him. "You're so cute when you pout." He pulled me into his bedroom.

"How was your night?" I asked him pushing the door closed behind us. He turned the baby monitor on and took his shoes off. "I missed you." He said. "I asked how your night was and saying you miss me does not answer my question." I stood in front of him.

"My night was okay…like I said I missed you so it wasn't that great." He smiled putting his hands on either side of my face. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him on the lips.

"I missed you too." I laughed against his lips. Everything with Ryan had been perfect so far. Somehow the two of us had managed to not get caught. I'm not complaining or anything. The last thing I want now is to be away from Ryan. He's just all around amazing. I don't know how else I could really explain him or our relationship. Of course it was difficult not being able to really do anything out in public but I would much rather spend the night at Ryan's alone with him.

"Ry." I nudged his side. We had just fallen asleep. The baby was now crying. "Hmmm?" He groaned pulling me closer to him.

"No, Kingsly is crying." I sat up pulling away from him. He opened his eyes and rubbed the sleep out of them. "Oh? I didn't even hear…" He yawned. "Come on, let's go check on him." I swung my legs off of the bed.

"I have to be there when you check on him?" He asked me. "He's your baby not mine." I gave him a smile.

"Yeah, yeah. Come on." He stumbled out of the room still half asleep.

"He's got a set of lungs on him." I commented once we reached his small room. It didn't have much personality just the essentials. Kingsly had never stayed over night before. Usually Ryan would just get him in the afternoons or all day Saturday. But he'd always go home with Marissa. Ryan had finally quieted him.

"Ryan…" I looked over at him as we excited the bedroom. "What?" He looked at me. "Do you regret the choice you made?" I chewed on my bottom lips waiting for his answer. He didn't say anything until we had reached his room.

"Not for a second." He pushed me up against the now closed door. "I thought you were tired." Our noses grazed.

"Sleep can wait…"

"Ryan this is totally not fair! I thought last night would only be a one night thing, you know? It was Friday…I wasn't going to say no but it's Saturday and I would rather spend time with you." I huffed following Ryan around his bedroom as he finished getting dressed.

"I'm only going to be gone for two hours tops." He didn't even look at me. "It's a good thing you're my boyfriend because otherwise I wouldn't be doing this." I sat down on the bed in a pout. "I'll make it up to you. Thank you." He pecked my lips.

"You better, by the way where exactly are you going?" I asked following him out of the bedroom now. "I told you…to visit my mom. I'll be back in two hours. You know…don't answer the door or the phone or…well you know everything." Of course I knew not to do all of those things. I wasn't dumb and I had been staying at his place since he got it. Well not every night but I was there a lot. His small house is five minutes from me so I leave my car at home. No need in parking it at his place and drawing attention.

"It's a wonder you aren't crying," I mumbled under my breath as I took Kingsly out of his crib. It was like on cue he started crying. "Great, just freaking great. Do you hate me that much?" I held him at arms length looking at him.

My cell phone rang just as I was feeding him a bottle. "Yeah?" I answered it not looking at the caller ID. "Hey." I didn't really recognize the voice. "Who is this?" I asked trying to hold Kingsly in one arm and balancing the phone with the other.

"Oliver Trask. You know your Lab Partner in History." How could I forget. "Oh yeah…how did you get my number?" Kingsly decided to take that moment to start crying again. "Is that a baby?" I heard Oliver ask.

"Yeah…what do you want, Oliver I'm a little busy." I say. "Just wondering if you were coming to my party tonight. You should really come." It was almost like he was begging me. "I'll have to think about it…now I really have to go." Truth was I could really use a night as a teenager. I love my life being with Ryan but sometimes I feel like I'm doing far too many adult things.

After I get off the phone I put the baby down for a nap and call Summer. "Sure, sounds good. I'll swing by Ryan's to pick you up?" Summer asked me on the phone. "Yeah." I bit down on my lower lip. Now all I had to do was tell Ryan where I was going.

"Hey." Ryan came home just minutes before he said he would be back. "Hi, uhm can I ask you something?" I fidgeted with my hands. I don't know why I was so nervous. I knew he wouldn't hurt me or yell. I just felt like I was betraying him.

"Anything." He stood up straight with his hands on his hips. "Well…that party I was wondering if you would mind if I went with Summer?" He frowned a little and ran his hand through his hair. "I don't care." He totally shut down on me after that moving past me and not speaking to me anymore the rest of the day.

"Ry, I'm leaving." I peaked my head in his door. He was sitting up in his bed watching TV. He just nodded at me. "Okay we are not going to do this! This isn't fair I let you go out last night." I walked into the room fully.

"Summer's waiting for you." He glanced up at me finally. I saw hurt in his eyes. This was not even close to being fair. I was not going to let him make me feel bad for wanting to go to a party. I hadn't done barely anything without him the past 3 months. I hid out at his place most of the time. I just wanted to get out for once.

"I'm just going to stay at my house tonight so don't wait up or anything." I glared at him before turning around and walking out the door. "Sounds good." That really set me off I was about to turn around and say something but "Just go, Taylor. Have fun." He sighed heavily. I hated leaving angry with him.

I got into Summer's car and slammed the door. "Whoa, what was that for?" She asked me. "Ryan, he's being all broody now because I'm going to this party. Stupid." I scowled crossing my arms over my chest and pretty much acting like a five year old.

"You came!" Summer and I walked into Oliver's pent house. The place was packed full of people. I didn't even know he knew all of these people because I sure didn't recognize any of the faces. "Yeah…we figured we'd drop by." I said feeling bored already. Now I knew why I didn't come to parties. They just weren't my thing.

"Great! Do you two want something to drink?" He asked us. Summer tapped my shoulder and said she'd find me later. I gave her a death glare for leaving me alone with this guy.

"Okay what is in this?" I choked out spitting the contents of the drink back in the plastic cup. He didn't respond instead he gave me a smile. Ugh, totally gross.

"I am not drinking that." I said pouring it down the drain. I suddenly found myself backed up against the counter with Oliver's hips on mine.

"Excuse me but what do you think you're doing exactly?" I widened my eyes trying to push him away. "You're beautiful." He touched my face. No, this is not what I wanted. "Leave me alone, Oliver." I tried pushing him away.

"You know you want this too, Taylor. I can see it in your face when you look at me." Okay this guy was delusional. All I expressed for this guy was disgust. Something about him just irked me. I couldn't exactly put my finger on it before. He then put his hands on my waist.

"Stop it, Oliver. I do not even remotely like you. I was being nice by coming tonight so will you please let me go so I can leave." I said through gritted teeth. He had his thumbs pressing hard against my hips. It felt all too familiar. I suddenly got flashes of Seth hitting me.

"LET GO OF ME!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

"No." He growled in my ear. I couldn't get out of his grip.

Suddenly I saw Summer on the side of us. "Summer, help me!" I screamed over at me. She rushed over and had someone pull him off of me.

"Leave her alone you jerk!" She grabbed my hand and pulled me through the crowd of people. As soon as we hit the cold air of outside I broke down.

"Come on, I'll take you to Ryan." Summer wrapped her arm around my shoulder. I shook with fear as I sat in Summer's car. This wasn't my idea of a good night.

Summer brought me up to Ryan's door. She knocked quickly. He was at the door now and I was in his arms. "What happened?" I heard him ask Summer. "I don't know exactly but had her pinned up against the counter not letting her go."

After Summer had left Ryan put me in the shower where I just stood there under the warm water letting it hit my skin. I was still shivering.

"Taylor." He spoke. I could hear the worry in his voice.

I just stood there my knees buckling. I couldn't stand any longer. I sat down pulling my legs up to my chest with the water still hitting me. I couldn't get the images out of my head. This hadn't happened in a long time. I had felt safe for the past few months now I feel in danger again. I didn't cry or make any noise I just sat there with the water hitting my skin. It was warm but I was cold and naked.

Ryan was sitting on his knees next to the tub. He was bathing me like a child but I wasn't moving or saying anything. I wasn't looking at him just at the tiled wall in front of me. I couldn't close my eyes. Too many different things to see when my eyes were closed.

"Taylor, you need to look at me. Please tell me what happened." Ryan had picked me up out of the shower. He helped me dress into some of his clothes.

"I…it…he…Ryan." I cried pulling him close to my body finally able to get some sort of words out. Ryan pulled the covers back and helped me get under them.

"Don't leave me…" I reached out for him and he crawled into the bed next to me. "Never." He kissed the top of my head and with his arms around me I was finally able to close my eyes.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

I woke up the next morning with a realization. I have to stop feeling sorry for myself. I need to stick up for myself instead of letting people, or guys in my case, walk all over me. I wiggled myself out of Ryan's grip without waking him and threw some clothes on. I ran over to my house and got in my car. I was going to get even. He was not going to do that to me and get away with me, no. I wasn't going to let it happen. Not this time.

I took a deep breath parking my car in the parking lot of the hotel. I got into the elevator to take it to the top floor. He's standing in front of me with an evil grin. I return the same one. I reach down and grab his balls and twist them in my hand.

"If you ever, ever, touch me again I will take a scalpel to your balls and cut them off so I suggest you leave me alone, got it?" I asked. He was screaming. I was smiling. "Yeah, yeah." He tried pushing away.

"Good, bye Oliver." I shot him a smile before turning around and leaving just like I had came. I felt better. Liberated.

Next stop, Seth Cohen's. I guess it was my determination that had me knocking loudly on Seth's bedroom door. He appeared in front of me with only his boxers on.

"Put a robe or shirt on or something." I turn my head away. Seeing him like that made me sick. I wasn't going to let all of that get to me anymore, though. No, I was going to end all of it _right now. _"Alright, what do you want?" He appeared again. "Sit." I walked past him and pointed to his bed.

"Uhm, okay." He looked a little confused but he sat down anyway. "You are going to give me an explanation. Right now. I don't want you telling me you don't know I want you to give me the full explanation as to why me? Why hit me and not Summer? Did you hate me that much? Did I do something wrong to make you angry?" I had been wanting to ask Seth this for months. He just sat there though. Not saying anything just rubbing the top of his head.

"No, silence is not an explanation. I'm not leaving until you tell me why!" I stomped my foot like a little child. "You were there. I could let my anger out on you…" He shrugged. No. That wasn't enough. I wanted more. "Keep going." I urged with my hand.

"To be honest, Taylor it wasn't something you did. It was all me. I was going through this dark time in my life. I mean with my mom and the drugs. Then my dad on my case about college and everything it just all got to me. You were an easy target I guess. I regret doing it, I really do but I can't take it back. I wish I could but I can't. I don't know how I got so lucky for Summer to be with me. I mean, after everything I did to you and you two are best friends now. I just…I thought she'd leave me the second she heard about what I did to you. I promised I'd never hit her though and I haven't and I won't. I know none of it was fair to you, Taylor. I don't know what else to tell you." He didn't look me in the eyes when he spoke. When he did look up at me I saw truth. I took a deep breath and nodded.

"I'm never going to forget what you did, Seth. All of the slaps and kicks. All of the times you forced me to have sex. Not to mention the time you made me have a miscarriage. None of that is going to ever go away from my mind. It sucks, you know? I can't fully be with someone that I could truly be happy with because of you…but I'm going to forgive you because I can't hold grudges. Don't think I'll ever trust you though. Ever." I said before walking towards his door. "I'm sorry for everything." I heard him say before I was fully out of his room. I felt better. I felt almost whole again.

Now all I had to do was talk to my mother. Oh, then I needed to talk to Ryan. I had a feeling through all of this the talk with my mother was going to be the worst of the four.

"Taylor, what are you doing here?" My mother had the deer in headlights look when I walked through the front door of my house. "I needed to talk to you, mother." I stood up straight until I noticed her 'friend' was sprawled out on the couch. Naked.

"Oh my God, Mother!" I screeched turning around and running out of the house. She followed me. "I told you I had a friend over, Taylor. Now what is it that you needed to talk to me about?" She walked outside with me pulling her robe tightly against her.

"Well. I wanted to tell you that…even through everything you've ever said or done to me you're still my mother and I still love you. You're the reason I've been so….needy towards people. But that stops now. I'm not listening to any more of what you have to say about how I dress, what I wear or anything else you can pick me apart with. Tell your friend your daughter said hi." I gave her a smile before turning around. "How dare you, Taylor." Was all she said and walked back into the house. I didn't expecting anything more from her.

_Ryan_. The only person who really matter or who really needed an explanation from me.

"Taylor, I was worried sick about you." I opened the door to Ryan's house to find him sitting on the couch. He had jumped up as soon as I turned the door knob.

"I had some things to do this morning." I smiled. "Oh…okay. Are you okay?" He asked approaching me. "Perfect but I think we should talk. Wait, where's the baby?" I asked him.

"Marissa came home early this morning." He shrugged. "Okay. Well come on let's sit." I smiled pulled him towards the couch. I sat on the opposite end of him. He was trying to pull me closer. "No, you're going to listen to me talk first." I pushed his hand away.

"Fine." He gave in. "Good. Now I need to tell you what happened last night and then where I was this morning. I'm sorry for how I was acting before I left. I was just upset that you would get all…like that. I thought you trusted me more than that. Then once I was at the party I realized it wasn't that you didn't trust me but that you didn't trust Oliver. Ryan, he came on to me. He hurt me. Summer was the one to get him off of me. I guess I just freaked out. I don't really even remember coming back here or getting into your bed. I don't even know how I had gotten your clothes on." I said almost all in one breath. I watched as he pondered what he wanted to say next.

"Okay, now on to where I was this morning. I went to talk to Oliver…" His eyes widened when I said this. "You what?" He sat up a little. "Calm down. I guess I more so grabbed his balls and twisted them in my hand than talked. I told him if he ever touched me again I would take a scalpel to them." I said laughing at myself a little. I'd never been so bold. It had felt good. "I knew why you were my girlfriend." He smiled leaning over and kissing me on the lips quickly.

"That's not all I did this morning. Then I went to visit Seth…" I said and then I told him about my whole talk with Seth and the talk with my mother that happened after that. "I'm sorry for how I acted last night. I really didn't mean to sound so…so jealous." He laughed pulling me onto his lap. I laid my head on his chest and cuddled the rest of my body into him.

"It's okay. You were right to not want me to go…" I said closing my eyes.

"I love you." He whispered. I tried to pretend I didn't hear him. I did though. I jumped up. "What did you say?" I panicked a little.

"I said…I…" He didn't know what to say. "Ryan…did you just say what I think you said?" I placed my hands on his chest. "Maybe?" He sounded unsure like he was about to take it back.

"Wow…" I just sat there staring at him. He looked a little confused at this as he shifted uneasily underneath me.

"Wow? Is that all you can say?" He asked a little coldly. He caught his tone instantly and apologized. "I'm sorry I just didn't really expect that." I said. That wasn't exactly the answer he wanted because he pushed me off of his lap.

"What are we doing here, Taylor? I mean if we aren't serious then why are we even going through all of this?" Oh, that's why he said he loved me. He wanted to be reassured he was doing the right thing in picking to be with me and not Marissa. I didn't know what to say so I just stood there biting my bottom lip. Before I knew it he had me pinned up against the wall. That was more than unexpected.

"I can't tell you why we're doing this because I'm really trying to figure it out myself but I can tell you that I love you too. I'm just scared. I trust you, I really do but everyone I have ever trusted in my life has failed me. Don't fail me, Ryan." I whispered after the very heated kiss we had just shared.

"I promise I won't, Taylor." He kissed my forehead gently.

"Okay. I really need some sleep though so I think I'm just going to go back to my house I'll see you tomorrow at school." I said pushing him off of me. "Sure? I mean your mom's friend might still be there." He laughed.

"Not funny! I'm sure he's gone by now or at least in my mother's room." I shrug kissing his lips once more before slipping out of his house.


	20. Chapter 20

**Ryan's POV and you're basically getting the reason Oliver is in this. I updated my newest fic 'Every Other Weekend' so you should go check that out. oh and i'm about to update 'Learn To Love Again' my other two fics are on hiatus because the other night my new USB broke cause someone stepped on it and the next chapter for both fics were finished and just waiting to be posted.**

Chapter 20

I don't know how this girl can do these things to me. I don't think I've ever been more attracted to anyone in my entire life. Sometimes I wish I could just put my finger on what exactly it is about her. Why do I risk being with this girl? I can't answer that and to be honest I don't want to. She's worth the risk. Everything about this girl is worth the risk. I'm sitting here on a Friday morning watching this girl interact with her lab partner.

It's been a week since the whole Oliver thing happened and I've never seen my girlfriend so strong as she is now. She's confronted all of her demons and I can just see that whatever was on her shoulders has been lifted. I look out of the corner of my eye and I can see Oliver eyeing Taylor or is it Lindsey he's eyeing? Now I can't tell and it's bothering me. I know I can't confront the guy about looking at Taylor but God knows I want to.

"Mr. Atwood." I'm pulled out of my thoughts by that voice that I have come to love over the past few months. She's giving me that smile that I know is only reserved for me. For a second I forget that I'm supposed to say something.

"Yeah?" I manage to croak out. I'm already imagining taking her clothes off piece by piece. I'm currently only able to see this girl, the rest of my students don't even seem to be there right now. I see her bite her lip and I realize I should probably stop looking at her that way.

"I was wondering…" I have no idea what she said next. I wasn't listening. No, instead I was thinking about the first time the two of us had sex. She had been so scared, heck even I was scared but ever since then everything has just fallen into place for us.

"Sorry, I didn't catch that." I shake my head trying to get these thoughts out of my head. It's not working. This isn't good. I guess it's probably a good thing that I don't have to stand up because that just would be far too embarrassing considering what's going on down south. Taylor's repeating herself again but I didn't hear her, again. Instead I put my head in my hands trying to think about something other than her hot body all over me. Nothing's helping. This isn't good, not good at all.

"Mr. Atwood, are you even listening to me?" I'm surprised that I even heard that. My class is probably looking at me like I'm insane, all but Taylor because I'm pretty sure she knows what she's doing to me especially since she had worn a skirt today. I can see her legs spread apart under the table. That's only for me, which is why she sits right up front where I can see her. She's making the face. This girl knows how to get to me.

"Repeat all of that again?" My students are snickering. Taylor smirks and she's talking again but all I'm concentrating on right now are her inner thighs and then I see it. She's not wearing any underwear. Oh No. I have to hold in the groan that's about to escape my lips. I need a cold shower and quickly.

"Never mind I can figure this out on my own." She finally says. I just nod taking a huge gulp. I'm probably sweating. No, she can't be doing this to me. This _teenager _is not supposed to invoke these feelings inside of me. She's supposed to only be a student to me but she stopped being just a student three months ago.

"What was that about?" I'm able to croak out after class. "And where are your underwear?"

"My bag." She grins. So that was just for me. If I could I would take her right there on my desk.

"Closet?" I raise an eyebrow. I know this isn't a good idea, it never is but that never stops us. She nods and leads the way to the familiar closet in my classroom. She gives me a smirk when I entered. "You're in a good mood."

"Of course. Today's the last day before winter break which means my moms going to Cabo." She giggles getting down on her knees.

"So that means…I get you the entire time?" I like that idea. She nods before tugging at my pants zipper. "I can't wait."

After my class of the day I sit back in my desk chair and lean my head up against the cold surface of the desk. I've got a headache from hell. Looks like my headache's just about to get worse.

"Mr. Atwood, I think we should talk." Oliver Trask gives me this mischievous grin. I just want to punch him in his face then after that I could maybe break acouple of ribs then there's his legs and arms that need to be broken too.

"About?" I rub my face with my hands.

"This." He pulls a large envelope out of his bag.

"What is it?" I ask taking it from me. He smirks at me and tells me to open it. I'm almost afraid. I should be. There are pictures in here. Black and white. "What are these?" I ask not looking closely at the pictures.

"Look at them." I want to break his little neck at this point.

"What the fuck?" I say out loud looking at the pictures in front of me. I'm freaking out. These pictures are of Taylor and I. These pictures show us kissing, me leaving her house, her leaving mine. "Where did these come from?" I slam the pictures down on the desk.

"Make a little deal with me and no one sees those." Who does this guy think he is?

"You never answered me!" I come up out of my chair.

"I have my ways, but that Mr. Atwood is besides the point here. You are going to do exactly what I ask of you and no one sees those little pictures there." He grins evily. I pull all of the pictures out and rip them all in half. "I have more copies."

"I don't know what you think you're doing here…" I start but he interrupts.

"I'm getting what I want."

"By blackmailing us?" I growl.

"I do what I have to. Now, listen to me loud and clear…" He starts. I take a deep breath and decide to listen. I'm scared as hell and I really need Taylor right now.


	21. Chapter 21

**Well, this was super easy to write. Weird. Anyway i'm bored out of my mind in this hotel room so you're getting an abundant amount of updates from me. Chances are you'll get a couple more and I might even try at those two fics I lost when my USB broke, we'll see! And writing this, even though all of this was my doing, i wanted to hurt Ryan. Strange. **

Chapter 21

Something is going on. Ryan's nervous, I can just tell by the look on his face. He's sighing every five seconds and he's gotten really quiet, more so than usual. It's starting to freak me out a little. He just ran his hand through his hair five times repeatedly.

"What's going on?" I turn to him. He's sitting on the couch next to me. We're watching some odd movie that I haven't even been paying attention to. All I've been able to see is the uneasiness in my boyfriend.

"We need to talk." _Oh God_. I know he did not just say that. Those words mean the end of a relationship or only God knows what else that's bad.

"About?" My mouth went dry from being so nervous.

"You know, I care about you…a lot and well…" He wasn't looking me in the eye. He was avoiding all accounts of eye contact and that really scared me. "Taylor…we have to…I…God, I don't know how to say this to you…"

"Just spit it out already, Ryan." I snap a little scared at what he's about to say.

"I think we should see other people." He said it so quickly. I had barely been able to make out each word. He had turned back towards the TV now. I hated how I couldn't read his face.

"Wow." I was shocked. Just earlier things had been different now…he wanted to break up. Now…I'm alone. "Great, I just wasted the past three months on nothing! I've risked everything for you, Ryan!" I stand up insanely pissed off.

"I know, Taylor…but it's for the best." He's barely speaking loud enough for me to hear and that just makes all of this worse that he doesn't even sound sure about what he's saying. Instead of saying anything back grabbed my bag from the floor and started walking towards the front door. "Don't leave like this…"

"You're the one who just broke up with me so you have no right to tell me how I should leave this!" I'm about to cry. I can't cry. I have to look strong. I can't let him see that this is killing me inside.

"Taylor…" He's got his hand on my elbow pulling me back towards him.

"Don't fucking touch me!" I growl snatching my arm back.

"I'm sorry." He offered. No, that wasn't going to make any of this better.

"Me too." I say before reaching the front door and opening it. "Bye."

I didn't look back at him. I couldn't.

I didn't break down until I was safely in my room with my door shut and locked. I was home alone so I don't know why I had to but I just did. I needed to make sure I was alone before the tears came. I don't even know his reasoning for all of this. All I know is it came all so quickly. I should have realized something when I had first gotten to his house after school. He hadn't kissed me back when I kissed him and his hands hadn't sat on my waist's like they usually did. His whole body had seemed tensed. I wasn't sure why I hadn't said anything then but I was trying to ignore all of those signs.

I haven't left my room since Friday and according to the screen on my cell phone it's Monday afternoon. Summer's been trying to call me but I keep pressing ignore when she calls. I've accumulated voicemails from her but I haven't read any. The only person I'll pick up for is Ryan but I haven't even gotten a single text message from him.

It's strange to sleep in my bed alone. Sure, I come home some nights but I haven't slept in a bed alone for three nights straight. Usually I'm curled up into Ryan's warm body feeling safe. But now I'm no longer feeling safe. I'm feeling _alone. _

Christmas is next Monday which means I'll be spending it _alone_. My mom won't be here and apparently now I no longer have Ryan to spend it with like we had both talked about doing. Well after he visited Kingsly of course. _Great_, just fucking great. Even his stupid ex-wife would get to see him on Christmas.

It's weird thinking that I'm no longer Ryan Atwood's girlfriend. God, I can only imagine how school is going to be when we start back in January. I have his class for a whole other semester and I'm currently regretting taking that 2nd part of his history class, that isn't even required but he had asked me to and I couldn't tell him no.

I'm suddenly missing sex. It's weird. Before Ryan I had dreaded having sex but now…with Ryan I crave it. Maybe I only crave it because when I have sex it's with Ryan maybe if I was with someone else I wouldn't crave it as much. I don't even want to think about having sex with someone else now.

My phone's ringing. It's Oliver. What in the hell does he want? I'm thought I made my point across with him but apparently not. I press ignore. No way am I answering his call when I've ignored Summer's. If only I could command my phone to make Ryan call me. I could send waves through the phone and maybe to his brain so he'd think 'maybe I should give Taylor a call.' Yeah right. Keep dreaming, Taylor.

It's over. How did this happen and why exactly did I spend the last three months with Ryan if he was just going to end up breaking it off? I know it wasn't so he could get into my pants. Ryan wasn't that kind of guy or at least I thought he wasn't. Now I don't know anymore.

This is going to be the worst Winter break of my life


	22. Chapter 22

**Bored out of my bipolar mind at the momet which is why i'm posting on this story again. It's the easiest to write besides Every Other Weeked but I just started that one, which if you haven't you should totally check it out! Oh, and about this story let's just say Oliver doesn't stick around much longer! (apparently I like killing people)**

Chapter 22

So, I've already decided that whoever is on the side of this door, repeatedly ringing the doorbell, they are going to die a slow and painful death. I pull my robe close to my body reaching for the handle and swinging the door open.

"Good Morning!" Oliver Trask. What is he doing here?

"What do you want?" I growl. I don't want him here. I don't want anyone here.

"That is no way to great me." He frowns. Maybe if I keep being mean he'll just disappear. One can only wish. "I have come to take you out today."

"Yeah, right. Do you really think I'm going to go somewhere with you?" I scoff not letting him in my house. I don't want him here.

"You will." He gives me this really mean look that just makes me think he's insane.

"Since when did you become my owner?" I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Since I found out about your little relationship with Mr. Atwood." What? I just stood there stunned. Then I opened the front door wide enough so he could come in.

"Sit." I pointed to the sofa. He didn't listen to me instead he pulled on my wrists bruising them almost instantly. Once again flashbacks came back to me. Seth Cohen's face appeared. I screamed at the top of my lungs. I didn't want him touching me. His skin felt disgusting against mine. His touch wasn't like Ryan's. His touch didn't make my body shiver. It made me sick.

"You don't tell me what to do. You're going to listen to me. Now you're going to walk up those stairs to where I assume your room is. At that point you're going to suck me off." I was scared at this point. Scared out of my mind.

"In your dreams." I said rolling my eyes. Bad idea. I felt that familiar sting against my skin. I haven't felt like this since Seth Cohen last hit me across my face. "Please, Oliver."

"Get up the fucking stairs." He growled in between his teeth. I had never thought that anyone could ever be as mean as Seth had been to me.

"Please…" I begged. Oliver attached his hands back to my wrists forcefully pushing my body up against the nearest wall. There had been a picture hanging there. My head his the glass shattering it. I felt an instant pain to the pact of my head. Tears went straight to my eyes. "Oliver…" I whispered hoping he would stop whatever he was doing to me.

"Get on your knees." I wasn't exactly sure how I could do that seeing as he had my wrists pinned up against the wall. I needed Ryan. Why had he broken up with me? Was this Oliver's doing?

"Did you make him break up with me?" I said trying to keep my voice from shaking. It wasn't working. I knew he could hear the fear in my voice, he was using that against me. He knew I was scared.

"Get on your knees!" He screamed in my face. My head was pounding. I felt something warm on my neck. I think I'm bleeding.

"Okay, okay just let go of me." I shut my eyes tightly. I didn't want to do this. I wanted to run to Ryan's. He let go of my wrists pushing down on my head to slide down the wall to get level with his region.

"Unzip my pants." He snarled. I took my shaky hands and put them on his zipper.

"Don't make me do this." I begged glancing up at him. "Oliver, I can't do this. Please…" Tears were rolling down my cheeks. "Look, just let me get up. I think I'm bleeding and if you let me up to check this I promise I'll do this. Please just let me check my head…" I kept my voice even wanting to sound serious.

"Unzip my pants." Was all he said, again. I didn't need this. I didn't want this.

"I won't. I can't." I said firmly. Oliver stepped back a little. I wanted to push him and run but he had his weight on me so that I couldn't move.

"What's so great about him? What does this older guy have that I don't?" So, this was his whole reasoning. Wow. He was jealous. He wanted me and when he realized he couldn't have me he had to react to that. I sure hadn't seen this coming. I watched looked at Oliver's pants and realized there was something large in his pocket and no it wasn't his cock, it was something that gave me shivers. It was a gun. I sure hadn't pegged this guy to be _so fucking crazy_!

"Oliver…" I try to stand up. He puts his hands on my shoulders and pulls me back down. "Please just let me go!" I cry.

"I have pictures, I have proof! I can turn these in to the police or the school board. He can get into trouble! Then you'll be mine! He broke up with you didn't he? Why do you think he did that? Huh? Apparently you weren't enough for him to get caught now were you?" He smiled evilly. I _KNEW _this was Oliver's fault! Ryan loved me…he wouldn't break up with me for no reason but Oliver's right. Does Ryan not love me enough to get caught? Am I really important to him? But then again I don't want him to get caught. That's the last thing I want.

"I…please you don't want to hurt me." I say to him.

"Tell me what you see in him!" He screams at me.

"I see everything. I see love, I see a future and I see a life that I could only dream of." I say truthfully.

"You could have all of that with me." He says stepping back more but not releasing his grip on my shoulders. I'm about tired of being eye level with his _fucking crotch. _

"You don't even know me, Oliver. What could you possibly see in me? I'm emotionally unavailable to anyone but Ryan. He's the only person who can make me believe I'm worth something. You doing this makes me feel like fucking shit! What Seth did to me messed everything in my life up. Ryan fixed that…and Oliver I'm sorry to say but I'm not attracted to you." So maybe I lied about being sorry.

"You could be."

"Can I get up? I'm feeling dizzy…" I say taking my free hand and moving it to the back of my head. I feel a jolt of pain as soon as I touch it. I'm almost too afraid to look at my hand. "Oliver…I'm bleeding." I can feel the warmth on my hand without even looking at it.

"Shit." I hear him mutter underneath his breath as I remove my hand from behind me. It's covered in blood. Well, here it goes again. I'm bleeding because of a stupid guy who didn't get his way. What's wrong with me that I attract these jerks?

"Oliver…" I panic glancing up at him. His eyes are wide and I'm currently freaking out.

"Get in the car!" He pulls me up by my shoulders and yanks my arm towards the door. I hope to God he's taking me to the hospital.


	23. Chapter 23

**Ryan's POV, totally into doing this POV today apparently. Anyhow next chapter will be back to Taylor's POV and it will explain what happens to her and Oliver both in the car. Yay for killing Oliver! I'm evillllllll!**

Chapter 23

I'm an idiot. This is my fault that Taylor's currently lying in this hospital bed fighting for her life. I had gotten a call only an hour before telling me there was an accident. Oliver's car hit an 18 wheeler head on. Oliver's dead. Taylor's not doing much better. I shouldn't have let Oliver blackmail me like this. I could have stopped this. I could have prevented this.

Apparently they had found my number in Taylor's phone and thought to call me since they couldn't get a hold of her mother. Someone needed to know she was hurt. My head is pounding thinking about everything. This isn't right. This is wrong, terribly wrong.

She's out of surgery now. She had internal bleeding. Her right leg and right arm are both broken. She's got a concussion and she's not even close to waking up. I don't even care that I shouldn't be here. I don't care that if someone saw me holding this girls hand that they would ask questions. I shouldn't have cared in the first place. She matters too much to me.

As strange as it is I told them I was her brother. It was the only way I could be there with her. I held onto her hand tightly wishing that she'd just open her eyes or move or something other than just lay there like she's doing right now. I've been trying to call her mom but the number I had found in Taylor's cell phone wasn't going anywhere but to voicemail. Then I remembered she was in Cabo, of course she wouldn't have her phone turned on. So her daughter's laying up in a hospital bed a week before Christmas and she has no fucking clue.

The doctors said she probably won't be waking up for awhile, he said I should go home and get rest. I told him that wasn't happening. I wasn't leaving her side until she was awake and she knew that I didn't mean to break up with her. That I really do love her. I haven't left the house since Friday when I told her we should see other people. In an hour it will be Wednesday.

"Hello?" I answer my ringing cell phone. It's Marissa.

"Ryan, can you come and get Kingsly?"

"Marissa it's 11 pm what in the hell could you be doing that you need me to come pick up our son?" I'm probably sounding annoyed.

"He won't stop crying and I haven't slept in so long, Ryan! Please just come get him." She begs.

"I'm busy, Marissa."

"Too busy to take your son? I see where your fucking priorities are Ryan. To think I still love you." She snaps. She still loves me? How in the hell can you love someone still if you cheat on them? I didn't love her when I cheated on her with Taylor.

"You don't love me, Marissa. I know you want me to get the boy so you can fuck the guy you cheated on me with." I growl.

"You act like you aren't fucking someone, Ryan. You act like I don't know that you cheated on me!"

"Yeah I did and I was happy with her. Very happy. I never loved you, Marissa. You were safe and willing to marry me." I speak low not wanting anyone to hear my conversation with her.

"I hate you, Ryan!" And with that the other line went dead. I chuckled taking my phone away from my ear and slipping it in my pocket.

-

I've been sitting in this hospital room for two days. I'm tired and it's possible that I smell. I haven't gone home since I first got here. No one's asked me who I am again and I don't know anyone who works here so it just doesn't matter.

Taylor hasn't improved but she hasn't gotten worse either. So I'm only guessing that's a good thing. They are still trying to get a hold of her mother but are still not able to.

-

It's Christmas Day. I've barely left her side this entire time. I'm supposed to be going over to Marissa's to visit my son but I'm scared to leave her. If I leave it's possible she might wake up and if she wakes up and I'm not here I doubt I'd be able to forgive myself. I just wish she'd open her eyes and smile at me.

She shouldn't be in a coma today. She should be wide awake happy. We should be spending this day together. I guess in a way we are because I'm not leaving her today. I'll lie to Marissa again, I can't leave and risk her waking up.

I lean up in my chair and reach for her hand again. "Please, baby, just wake up. Just look at me with those amazing eyes and tell me you're okay. Please…Taylor." It's almost like I'm begging. In a way I guess I am. "You mean everything to me, Taylor Townsend and I refuse to let you get away from me. I'm sorry for what I did. I'm sorry that I broke up with you. I'm sorry that I listened to Oliver. I need you to wake up, Taylor."

_Nothing. _

I won't give up. She's going to wake up and I'll be sitting right next to her when she does.

-

Last night I was woken up people rushing in and out of the room. Taylor's heart stopped. They had revived her but it killed me just watching all of that go on. Now I'm scared.

I want to hold her in my arms. I want to kiss her soft lips and make her believe me when I say everything will be just fine after this is all over.

Marissa bitched me out yesterday. She said that my son needs me in his life and I'm not even caring about him. She says I'm probably fucking some whore instead of spending time with Kingsly. She's wrong, very wrong.

My head is pounding again as I watch Taylor. She's got a tube down her throat helping her breath. The doctor told me her lung had collapsed. I wish I could make this all better for her.

-

It was midnight when I felt the squeeze come to my hand. I had instantly woken up from my sleep to look over at Taylor and see her eyes open wide. She looked scared. "Let me get the doctor." I say smiling a little.

The doctor comes in. He says she's going to be just fine but she'll need to stay in the hospital a couple more days and he says it'd be a good idea if we could get a hold of her mother but I tell him she's in Cabo. He seems to understand and says that she can just sign herself out when she leaves.

"You feeling okay?" I ask her. The tube that was in her throat had been removed an hour and a half ago. She nods giving me a slight smile.

"I love you." I lean over and kiss the top of her head. She flinches a little but when I look in her eyes I know she's happy that I said that. I meant it. I always mean it when it comes to Taylor. There's no hiding my feelings with her. It's all so real. It's scary to think that I could love someone like I love this 17 year old.


	24. Chapter 24

**I have lots and lots of time on my hands today since i'm home and i've locked myself in my room for the day so heres a new chapter of this! **

Chapter 24

I feel crowded. It's nice that Ryan's trying to take care of me and make up for how he treated me but I just need to be alone. When I tell him this he says he's not leaving my side. It's kind of annoying but he means well.

Oliver's dead. I don't know if I should be happy or sad about it. I know I don't feel guilty. The guy had been speeding after I had told him to stop numerous times. He had been driving crazy and paid no attention to the road in front of him. This wasn't my fault, and I knew that.

But the flashes of the car colliding with that truck would not stop. I tried all the night before to make them go away but nothing was happening. I just kept picturing that 18 wheeler coming for me. Then when I opened my eyes Ryan was watching me intently. I was starting to wonder why they hadn't asked who he was but when I asked him he said he told them he was my brother. I wonder if they read my charts and saw that I have no brother or if that is even on there. I don't know but maybe it would be best if he would just go. I keep telling him to go home but I'm thinking he's taking it as me feeling sorry for him having to be there here with me. I just want to be able to think without him being in the room.

I want to get out of this damn hospital bed but both the doctor and Ryan are saying I need to rest. I could punch one of them if they tell me I need my rest again. These casts are pretty heavy duty and I'm sure they could break a nose or two.

According to Ryan they still can't get a hold of my mother. I told him she wouldn't be home until after the new year. She doesn't bring a phone on her vacations because apparently no emergency is big enough to cut her time short.

I guess her daughter almost dying in a car wreck isn't a big enough emergency.

I've come close to death twice in not even a year. That's probably not a good thing but I seem to always just get caught up into everything bad.

Day two after I had woken up Summer stopped by. Ryan had finally left the room and I had told her that she needed to get him out of there before I went insane. I told her that if he stayed a second longer I would probably kill him. She only laughed at me and tried to tell me he was just worried about me. I knew all of that but that didn't mean he had to hover over me like I was going to break any fucking second.

On day three the doctor said I could leave the next day. I had asked him to please tell 'my brother' to go home and get some rest. Apparently Ryan listens to doctors but not my friends. I was finally able to get some alone time but then I found that it was kind of lonely being there by myself hearing the different things going on outside of the room. I wanted him back. I wanted him to be sitting next to me doing every little thing for me making sure I didn't lift a finger. It had been annoying but now I was missing it.

Day four I was sent home. The doctors said to take it easy so Ryan had decided to come stay with me at my house. I hadn't protested this time. I knew that if he didn't come I would want him there later and that'd probably confuse him even more.

"Did they have a funeral for him?" I asked Ryan as we both sat on my couch that night. My broken leg was laying behind him while my other one was on his lap.

"I suppose. Didn't really ask." He shrugged not taking his eyes off of the TV.

"Why not?" I folded my arms as well as I could across my chest. It was difficult since one of them was currently in a hot pink cast.

"Why would I? He almost killed you." He finally looked over at me. "I'm not going to feel sorry for him or his family." He sounded cold.

"Why'd you go along with it?" The question had been buzzing around my head for days. I just wanted to know why he had let Oliver blackmail him like that.

"I don't know. I got scared I guess. Don't think I don't love you enough to get caught…because I do love you enough but…if I got caught then it's possible I could go to jail and then it's possible I wouldn't see you again…" He pulled my well arm away from my chest and held my hand intertwining his fingers in mine.

"You know we only have a few more months to go until school's out." I smiled at him.

"I know. What will we do with all of that time we'll have?" He raised an eyebrow. I took my hand from his and slapped him playfully.

"I so did not mean it like that! I meant…in 5 months I'll no longer be your student so that means we don't have to hide this anymore." I say putting my hand back into his.

"True." He nodded but looked away from me.

"What?" I asked nervously. His whole posture had changed in that second.

"It's just…I'm afraid that once we no longer have to hide this…I'm afraid that you'll lose interest." He shrugs. I widen my eyes. That's what I should be afraid of, not him.

"I'm pretty sure that'd be the other way around." I squeeze his hand tightly.

"You're wrong." He looked up and smiled.

"Good, so we'll just both say neither of us will lose interest in the other." I giggle a little.

"Deal." He leaned over and kissed me softly on the lips.

It had been two days into the New Year when Ryan told me school would be starting in only four more days. I groaned and rolled my eyes at him. I wasn't ready to go back. There would be so many things I would have explain to people. I was almost afraid that people would blame Oliver's death on me. The rumor mill would be spinning rapidly over the next week or so until people found something better to talk about. With school starting soon that meant my mom would be back. That meant Ryan would no longer be able to stay here with me and I'd probably rarely get to see him outside of school considering I wouldn't be driving with these casts for awhile or walking much for that matter.

"When's she getting back?" He asked me as he sat a bowl of pasta in front of me to eat. I scrunched my nose at it and then looked up at him.

"What is that?" I asked him.

"Food." He shrugged.

"Please tell me you didn't cook this…"

"I did, now eat it. It might look bad but I can promise that it doesn't taste bad." He told me like he would a child.

"I am no child, Ryan Atwood." I sit up as straight as I can in my chair.

"Oh really?" He leaned over and kissed my cheek. I took a bite of the food. It was surprisingly really really good. "See, told you." He said sitting down across from me at the table watching me eat.

"Shut up." I grinned taking another bite of the food.

"You never answered my question." He states.

"Four days." I say remembering that he had asked me when my mom was coming back.

"So, the day school starts?" He lifts an eyebrow.

"Exactly." I nod not wanting to talk but to eat. I felt like I hadn't eaten in days when really Ryan wouldn't stop until I had eaten all of whatever he put in front of me to eat.

"Good." Was all he said and stood up. I just shrugged at him and looked back down at my bowl. I was full but I knew if I said that then he wouldn't care. He would still make me eat all of it.

"Done?" He came to where I was sitting.

"You're not going to make me it all?" I grinned up at him.

"Not tonight." He smiled and kissed the top of my head.

"Good because I am so full…" I rubbed my stomach giggling.

"I'm glad." I couldn't believe that only days before I had wanted him to leave me alone now I couldn't imagine taking care of myself without him. He was a savior through everything I had to do.

Like when I had to take baths. I couldn't stand up or get my casts wet so Ryan would have to help me there. Poor guy. Although I don't know if he was complaining or not since I was naked whenever this happened.

That night after he had helped me bathe and we were both lying in my bed, he started telling me about his life before Marissa. He hadn't talked about it much. He said that it had always been a sore spot for him. I was more than surprised that he had even trusted me enough to tell me. It made me happy to know some of the things he told me he had never told anyone not even Marissa before. I loved that he trusted me enough with all of this information.

Ryan's family was bad off. His mom was a drug addict/prostitute/alcoholic. His father was much the same minus the prostitute part and more the 'pimp.' Ryan saying that had made me laugh but I told him why quickly after saying that I wasn't laughing at his family but more of his choice of words. He then told me how his dad went to jail for raping and killing some girl. I looked up at Ryan when he said that and I wondered how such a terrible man could have such an amazing son. After that he told me about how close he was to Trey and how Trey had never let him down. He said that Trey had lived in Newport way before he did but it was a big reason as to why he moved here. I told him I'd have to thank Trey later.

Just talking with Ryan was enough. Just him being close to me and hearing his heartbeat against my ear when I laid my head on his chest.

I decided that I should tell him about my life with Veronica Townsend.

"She's an emotional terrorist. She didn't get this way until my dad had left. I was only 6 when it happened. He has a new family and according to the sporadic email's he sends he really happy. He refuses to visit me or let me visit him. He said our email relationship is enough. My mom loved him…he broke her heart and I guess she figured if he broke her heart then she has to break mine. It had upset me at first how she had treated me but…I stopped caring after awhile. It just doesn't matter anymore." I say to him.

"Sure it does…she shouldn't tell you things that aren't true." He pulled me tighter to his body.

"You mean when she tells me I'm ugly and fat and I'll never get anyone besides Seth Cohen, isn't true?" I smile wide.

"Not even close to being true." He leaned over and kissed me hard on the lips.

"That's what I thought." I giggle letting him shift his weight to be on top of me. "You know…we might be able to work around these casts…you know if you want to…" I don't know why I was feeling shy a that moment but I was. My face was probably a deep red, too. He chuckled at me. "So, you don't want to?" I quirked an eyebrow trying to stop being so shy.

"Oh I want to."


	25. Chapter 25

**Don't know how you're going to react to Seth going back to his evil ways...because you probably thought that was over and done with. Nope. Things get worse. Believe me. And I think I have an obsession with making Taylor pregnant...**

Chapter 25

"Where's Mr. Hottie?" Summer plopped back on my bed the day before school started ending winter break. "He hasn't left your side in God knows how long since you've been in the hospital." I could tell she was rolling her eyes but she was right. He rarely ever left me but I knew he had to since school started tomorrow and my mom would be home any time now.

"He didn't say." I shrug. "He only told me he'd see me at school tomorrow. I didn't really think to ask where he was going, I just figured it would be home."

"I see. So you're back to your morning closet sex?" She questioned. I laughed.

"I highly doubt we'll be having closet sex any time soon with all of my casts." I reminded her.

"Highly doubt that from what you've told me Mr. Hottie doesn't seem like one to want to hold out too long." She chuckled.

"Do you even want to know the reason why I asked you to come over?" I said ignoring her statement.

"Sure." She started thumbing the glossy pages of the magazine.

"So, the doctors told me something that is completely freaking me out right now. They told me this after Ryan had gone home for a little bit saying that they weren't sure if I wanted him to know or not but…Summer. I'm pregnant." Even though the crash, which was really really bad, the baby had survived. The doctor's said usually something like that would make me lose the baby. I hadn't wanted to tell anyone after I found out. Which is why I had pushed it out of my mind. I wanted to pretend that I wasn't pregnant. I still want to pretend but I don't know if I can anymore. _God, I'm not ready to have a baby. _Not even close. This situation could only get worse with a baby to mess it up.

"Repeat that." Summer said barely above a whisper.

"I'm pregnant. Summer, I didn't think it could happen! I mean with Seth kicking me and making me miscarry those months ago…" Tears stung my eyes.

"Wait…you were pregnant before?" She turned her whole body towards me. So, I'm guessing that was something that she hadn't been told. I nodded afraid that I was going to cause something between her and my ex-boyfriend. That's the last thing I wanted. The both of them seemed happy. When Summer shifted her body closer to me that's when I noticed it. The bruise that was on her forearm. All thoughts of me being pregnant flew out the minute at that moment. Thoughts of my best friend possibly being hit by my ex-abusive-boyfriend entered my mind.

"Summer…what's that?" I pointed to the bruise. It was definitely a hand print. She had the look on her face. The same look I used to have when I tried to cover something up. She looked down at her hands messing with her fingernails.

"Summer…did…he do that?" I wanted her to say no so badly but I just knew it by the way she was acting that he had. I really believed he had changed. Summer didn't deserve this.

"It was an accident! He and his dad got into it…and Taylor he promised not to do it again!" I had thought Summer was stronger than this. I didn't think she'd take Seth hitting her. I guess I was wrong. I couldn't handle seeing her go through this. Not after everything that had happened to me.

"He'll tell you that after every time he hits you, Summer. He will say he's sorry. Soon he'll stop. Soon he'll be hitting you in places you can't hide well. Then will come the 'make-up sex' which is really just rape because I'm pretty sure you'll be protesting after a good smack across the face. You need to bow out now, Summer before it gets any worse. It won't get better, I can promise you that." I told her honestly.

"He made you have sex after he hit you, too?" She whispered to me. _Oh God_. That _wasn't _the first bruise. How stupid was I not to notice that she was getting hit? I should have been able to read the signs. I've been in her situation too many times to not be able to see that he was hurting her.

"Yeah…he did. Summer…was that the first time?" I pointed to the bruise. She looked down at her hands again as she shook her head no.

"Summer Roberts! I can not believe you have stayed! After everything I've told you about him and how he hurt me! After everything, Summer!" I was worried and pissed at the same time.

"I thought it would stop…" So had I but judging by her face she realized that it wouldn't.

"So what are you going to do now?" I ask her. As much as I know she should leave him I can't make her choice but I won't stand by and watch him hurt my best friend, not like he had hurt me. She deserved better than this.

"I don't know…God, Taylor I love him and after him doing that to me…I really wanted to believe he wouldn't do again. It's happened three times since winter break started…he had been so sweet before. God, I'm dumb." She was starting to cry. I felt for her. I really did.

"It was different for me. I didn't love him but I still stayed. I can only imagine how difficult it would have been if I did love him but…I'm only going to tell you this once…leave him. Don't stick around for more, Summer. It won't get better."

"How did I deserve such an amazing best friend?" She laughed through the tears.

"No idea." I giggled as she hugged me which was a little difficult since my _fucking_ casts seemed to get in the way. _I'm really starting to hate these pink things_.

"I should get home…school tomorrow. Do you need a ride in the morning?" She asked pushing away our talk of babies and Seth.

"If you wouldn't mind." I smile.

"Not at all, see you in the morning. I'll need moral support tomorrow after I break up with him…"

"No problem. Summer…you're better than his hits. You're better than Seth Cohen." I told her as she got up from my bed.

"Well, if I meet such an amazing guy from this like you did with Mr. Hottie than I'll know then that I'm better than him." She grinned.

"Ryan is great isn't he?" I asked dreamily.

"He really is…despite the fact he's your history teacher and seven years older than you are." She added in.

"That's just minor details." I said before she slipped out of my room.

I really hoped that Summer would break up with Seth but I of all people should know how difficult something like this could really be. I just wish Seth wouldn't have done this. I wanted to believe he changed. I wanted him to change for Summer's sake. Summer's much stronger than I was so maybe if she gets away now she'll stay away and not run back to him when he was having a good day like I would.

I was cut from my thoughts by the shrill ring tone coming from my cell phone that happened to be on my dresser. I cursed as I tried to get up from the bed to catch it before it stopped ringing. It took a lot of effort with my heavy casts to weigh me down.

I answered the phone almost out of breath. It was Ryan.

"Taylor, are you okay?" He sounded worried. I laughed at his quick words.

"I'm fine my phone was just on the other side of the room. It took a while to get to it." I explained to him.

"Oh…okay just checking. Do you need me to come back? I can…I just had some things to look over before tomorrow." He told me. Somehow the thought of me being pregnant with his baby popped back into my head. I had decided right then and there that tomorrow I would tell him. I would tell him that he didn't need to be involved until after school ended. Not like he could come to doctor appointments with me anyway. _God, this was going to suck royally_.

"No. I'll just meet you in your class in the morning. Summer's going to bring me so I'll try to get there early. We need to talk about something…the doctor told me when I was in the hospital." I say.

"Uhm…okay, if you're sure." He says unsure that he wants to take my answer.

"Yes, I am. I'm really tired now so I'll just talk to you in the morning. I love you." I sigh.

"I love you too."

-

"Okay, so what'd the doctor tell you?" My boyfriend sure liked the cut to the chase. Summer had barely wheeled me into the classroom all the way. The doctor had told me crutches would be too difficult to go around school in with arm broken as well as my leg. I hated the wheel chair but he had been right, it was easier. Summer quickly disappeared from the room so I could talk to him privately.

"You're going to be mad that I didn't tell you sooner…that they didn't mention it but they didn't know if I wanted you to know and to be honest neither had I…Ryan…I'm…Oh God…" I couldn't say it. I had only been able to say it out loud once and that was to Summer.

"You're what?" He braced himself for what I was going to say next.

"Pregnant." I whispered. His face showed that he hadn't been expecting that. My heart was beating far too fast to stay in my chest. I swear it was going to come out any second.

"As in your having a baby?" He whispered back. Well duh!

"I hope it's a baby and not something else." I widened my eyes at him.

"Wow…are you sure?" He asks.

"The doctor told me so yes I'm pretty sure about this. I just didn't want to say anything. I had actually tried ignoring it myself pushing it to the back of my head. I had myself believing that I wasn't actually pregnant…" I told him.

"We're having a baby?" He was still trying to grasp all of this. I only nodded. That's when the bell rang for class. I watched him as he walked around to the other side of his desk. I wheeled myself gently over to a desk that had no chair with it. I couldn't believe this. This was too much. I looked over and noticed that Oliver's desk was empty. I had completely forgotten about him dying. I had been dealing with my own recovery and this pregnancy that I hadn't even really had time to register everything that had happened to me.

Ryan stood at the front of the class room. He wasn't saying anything. He was just looking out at all of us with this blank expression. Then I saw his eyes. He was freaking out. "Just…read…just do whatever you want." He threw his hands up in defeat. I was a little surprised at this. He usually liked assigning quizzes after any type of break. Maybe it was the fact that I had just told him that I, _his 17 year old girlfriend who was one of his history students,_ was pregnant. His 7 years younger girlfriend. God, could I be so stupid to believe he would actually be okay with this? I mean I know I'm scared _out of my fucking mind_ but I figured he'd be able to calm me down but he definitely wasn't doing that. No, he was far from doing that.


	26. Chapter 26

**I just picked a random day in February for Taylor's birthday. So she's 18 now. Mean Seth is gone, again. I'll try to keep him nice from now on. And Ryan isn't in jail because they haven't been caught. **

Chapter 26

It's February 26th. My birthday. I'd like to tell you that the past two months have been amazing. I'd like to say that Ryan has been very supportive of me deciding to keep the baby but then I'd be lying. He broke up with me the day I told him about the baby. He said that he needed time to go over everything in his mind.

Lived was an understatement when I refer to how my mother reacted coming home to find me in a cast AND to learn that I'm pregnant. She asked who the father was. I lied and told her that I had no idea. She seemed to take that answer.

Summer's been by my side since I told her I was pregnant. She never left Seth. He hasn't hit her since and I'd like to think that he won't hit her again. I really am rooting for that relationship to go correctly without anymore bruises on my best friends body.

I'm currently pulling on my favorite sweatpants, the ones that help hide the small bump that's forming on my abdomen. I'm more than happy that my casts are off. I was getting very tired of them. The pink things irritated my skin insanely.

I'm dreading school today just like I dread it every day that I go since my first class is in fact the one Ryan teaches. He doesn't pay attention to me in class. He rarely calls on me even if I raise my hand to answer a question, he'll call on a different student even though I'm usually the only one raising my hand at that moment.

"So you really need to readjust what's going on with your face right now because today you're 18 and you're supposed to be happy!" Summer was standing at my door. She was unusually cheery this morning.

"Shove it, Summer." I growl at her. She chalks it up to my insane pregnancy hormones.

"You have to stop this, Taylor. It's Mr. Atwood's loss if he doesn't want you or that baby in his life so just…move on." Easy for her to say. She would be doing the exact same thing if she were in my shoes.

"Maybe I could skip today…" I look at myself in the mirror. I look terrible. I feel terrible.

"Not going to happen, now are you really going to wear that?" She scrunches her nose at my outfit.

"Yes, you have a problem with it?" I glare at her daring her to say something negative. She just shakes her head no knowing not to press this any further.

-

"Taylor." My arm is being poked by the stupid red haired girl who sits next to me in Ryan's class. I could really kill her for touching me right now. Instead I just put on my fakest smile and turn to her.

"Yes?" I ask her.

"Are you pregnant?" I figured I could hide this thing a little longer than this.

"Yeah…" I tell her. I don't want to lie anymore. I just want it all out in the open just as long as they don't find out the father, then everything is going to be fine.

"Wow…I thought so but I just had to ask!" She grinned. _Oh God. _I could really hurt this girl. "How far along are you?" She asks.

"It's not any of your business, Lindsey but I'm 12 weeks." I tell her.

"Lindsey, Taylor stop talking and get to work." Ryan tells us. I wonder if he heard our little conversation. Of course he did, if he hadn't he wouldn't be glaring at me like he was right now. That's when I got a tap on my shoulder by the person sitting behind me. I turned around to see another grinning face. This person had heard me talking to Lindsey. Great. _Just fucking great. _

"You're pregnant?" The person asked me. I didn't answer, just turned around in my seat and hit my forehead to my desk. This was going to be a long day.

"I want everyone to stop talking and get to work!" Ryan's voice boomed through the class room.

"Mr. Atwood, did you know that Taylor's pregnant?" Lindsey said next to me. I turned to look at her. What was this girls problem?

"I did not know that, Lindsey but I'm not sure what that has to do with History so would you please just get back to your work." His face showed no emotion when he talked to my lab partner. My face was probably a deep red at this point. I raised my hand hoping he would call on me.

"Can I go to the restroom?" I say just above a whisper hoping that the tears wouldn't come out of my eyes just yet before I reached the bathroom.

"Sure." He said not looking at me as I made my way out of there.

-

"Taylor?" Ryan approached me after class. He hadn't wanted to talk since I told him about me being pregnant.

"Hmm?" I said setting my stuff back down on the table before approaching his desk.

"Are you sure about all of this? I mean…a baby is a huge thing…"

"I've thought it over, and yes I am sure about all of this. I know what I'm doing Ryan. I don't need your help or anyone else's help." I snap a little. So I lied a little about the knowing what I'm doing thing but I'll figure it out along the way.

"Come over after school to talk, okay?" He begged me with his eyes. I just nodded before walking back to my desk and getting my things.

-

"I totally forgot but uhm…happy birthday?" He rubbed the back of his head as I entered his house later that day.

"Thanks…at least you remembered. My mom hasn't but she's not really speaking to me right now anyway." I sigh walking over and sitting down on the couch where he is. I sit as far away as I can placing my hands on my knees hoping he just gets whatever he wants to say over and done with now.

"Why is that?" Small talk was not what I came here for but whatever.

"The baby." I whisper to him looking straight ahead of me.

"Oh. Look, Taylor. I'm sorry about how I've been acting but I can't be a father again. I'm just not ready…and you are definitely not ready to be a mother…" That wasn't what I wanted to hear.

"Since when do you get to tell me when I'm ready or not? Whether I'm ready or not is not my problem right now. I _have_ to be ready. There's no stopping this, Ryan!" I probably speak a little too loudly but I'm not in the best of moods right now.

"I know that…it's just…God, you're too young for this. You're not supposed to be having to deal with a kid and trying to get into college. I'm sorry. This is all my fault."

"Yeah, you're right it is your fault." I say before standing up and making my way to the front door. So, it's not all of his fault but I'd rather blame him then myself at this point.

"Taylor, come on sit back down and talk to me." He sighed standing up and catching my arm. I turn around and glare at him.

"I applied to college but I'm not going." I tell him. His face falls a little.

"Why not?" He asks.

"I don't have the money to go and take care of a baby so I'm going to defer a year or two…" I just got my acceptance letter from Berkeley. I had been thrilled to know that I'd be going but then I realized it'd be far too difficult to raise a baby and go to school at the same time. I haven't exactly declined the acceptance yet but if I can't find some other way to go to college and raise this baby then I will.

"Oh…where'd you get in at?" He asks.

"Berkeley." I tell him.

"I guess we're moving to Berkeley in the fall." Wait, did he just say what I think he said?

"What do you mean?" I sit back down on the couch curious.

"I mean…I'm not going to let you defer college to take care of a baby that is half my responsibility too. You're 18 now and once school's out then we can move to Berkeley. I'm pretty sure I can find a teaching job at an elementary school or something…"

"Okay, back up. So you're saying you'll leave Newport so that I can go to college? You'll leave for me?" I ask not really sure if I'm hearing correctly.

"Yeah." He nods.

"But you haven't talked to me in two months and then you suddenly decide you want to go away with me?"

"It's not like that, Taylor. I've just needed to think about everything. This is big…huge…and I'm still freaking out but I think we can do this." He ran his hand through his hair. I smiled. So maybe things weren't going to end up perfect but I swear this is the best Birthday present ever.

"I love you." I giggle pulling him down on the couch next to me.


	27. Chapter 27

**Filler. Nothing too big until the end.**

Chapter 27

"I'm nervous." I tell Summer. She's holding my hand as the doctor puts the gel on my stomach. I'm in my 15th week now. He told me it's possible that we can tell the sex of the baby but if not then I'll for sure be able to at 20 weeks, which is when he said I need to schedule my next ultra-sound.

"Holy crap." She mutters under her breath. I'm too afraid to look at the screen even though both the doctor and Summer are telling me to. "Taylor, just look." She pleads. That's when I decide to look. At that moment I decide that I love this baby. At that moment is when I knew that I wanted nothing more than to care for the little being inside of me even if I had no idea what to do with it.

"Wow…" I'm floored by the baby. The doctor's pointing telling me where the head is and what exactly I'm looking at. The heartbeat is what's getting me. "That's my baby." I whisper to Summer. She grips my hand and smiles at me.

"It doesn't look like much…" She examines the screen.

"Don't call my baby 'it!'" I frown at her.

"Well what do you want me to call him or her?" She asks.

"Baby? I don't know maybe we should come up with like a unisex name so we don't have to call the baby 'it' that seems so informal." I tell my best friend.

After the exam the doctor gives me a picture of the ultrasound to take home. He said that he couldn't really tell the sex but he should be able to in five weeks. I really can't wait to show Ryan.

-

"Hey." I smile walking into Ryan's house to only have him greet me as soon as I enter the front door.

"Hey." He smiled instantly pulling me into his arms. I know he wants to know how the appointment went but right now I really don't want to think about that. I only want to think about ripping his clothes off and having my way with him. I started unbuttoning his shirt but he stopped my hand. I scowled at him. I didn't want to talk. My pregnancy hormones were getting the best of me. "Slow down." He smiled.

"Not going to happen. I need you…and like right now." I widened my eyes hoping that he understood that slowing down was really not on my list of things to do at the moment.

"Taylor…" He pushed me away. I huffed and put my hands on my hips.

"What?" I scowl.

"I have to go…" He sighs.

"And where exactly?" I become a little curious hoping he'll tell me this time instead of just saying 'out.'

"Out." Is all he says. I pout. That wasn't the right answer.

"So, you aren't even going to ask me how my appointment went? You don't even want to know if our baby is healthy or not?" I frown at him.

"Of course, I want to know. I'll bring dinner back and you can tell me all about it but I really need to go now." He kissed my forehead before walking around me and heading towards the door.

"I'm not staying unless you tell me where you are going. I'm tired of you just saying you're going out while I sit here by myself." I stop him from leaving. He turns back at me with a very angry look on his face.

"Then leave." He pointed back towards the front door gaining him a glare. He opened the door and stepped back so I could walk past him.

"I'm already gone."

-

"I like the name Madison." Summer said flipping through one of the baby name books I had picked up at the store after leaving Ryan's house. I needed to calm down before going over to Summer's so I wouldn't take it out on her.

"Too overused." I replied.

"Okay…uhm Shayn. S-h-a-y-n."

"Add it to the list." I pointed to the blank piece of paper sitting between us in the middle of her bed. It was the first name I actually decided that I liked.

"Finally." She laughed writing it down. "McKenna." Was her next suggestion. That went on the list next. I wasn't sure why I felt the need to already name the baby inside of me but after seeing it on that small screen it felt so real for the first time. I didn't want him/her to be called 'the baby' for the next 5 months. I decided I didn't want to know the sex, I wanted it to be a surprise. Since I had already decided that whatever name I chose for the baby would go either way, boy or girl.

"Okay, Taylor this all fun and stuff but I really think you should tell me why exactly you came over here and why you're not at Ryan's." Summer finally said. I'd been waiting for her to ask me.

"Ryan and I got in an argument. He's being stupid." I said with a flick of my wrist not looking away from the thick name book.

"What about?" She questioned.

"Nothing." I say not really wanting to go into what happened. "How are you and Seth?" I decided to change the subject to her and my ex's current relationship.

"Great! I seriously never thought things would go back to being good…after…well you know." She grinned.

"I'm glad." I nodded. At least one of us was having a successful relationship. Just then my cell phone rang. I glanced at the caller ID half hoping it was Ryan calling. It wasn't.

"Yes, mother?" I answered the phone coldly.

"You are in so much trouble, Taylor." My mother said quickly.

"For?" I ask a little confused at what I had done wrong.

"Your history teacher?!" She's yelling now. _Oh crap_. How in the hell did she find out about that? "Let alone he's much older than you and a married man!"

"Mom…" I try to get a word in.

"No, Taylor. I think you need to get home right now." She says sternly. I'm actually on the verge of tears when I hang-up with my very pissed off mother.

"I…have to go." I told Summer quickly getting off of her bed and grabbing my purse before rushing out of her room without another word.

_This wasn't good. Not at all. _


	28. Chapter 28

**I have basically had a bad past two days. I got in a stupid car accident then I broke my keyboard so I couldn't write...But that's the case anymore. Anyway this chapter sucks...**

Chapter 28

Veronica Townsend is a bitch. A complete and total bitch and I have to call her mother. I hope to God I don't end up being a mother/woman like she is when I'm older. I hope my kid doesn't hate me as much as I really hate her right now. I'm not being childish either.

Although, I'm also angry at my child's father. Stupid man thought it would be a good idea to talk to my mother.

It's been over three hours since my mother had called me to come home. I walked into my house with my stupid boyfriend pacing and my mother yelling at him. He was yelling back, of course. Stupid man. That just got the beast more fired up. Perfect idea.

It took the both of them half an hour to even notice I was in the room. I was far too afraid to interrupt either of them with the way they were speaking to each other. That's when my mother's harsh words were turned to me. Apparently I'm a whore who only got pregnant to keep Ryan in my life. Apparently I don't deserve to be happy. And most of all she's asking me to give my baby up for adoption. Worst of all Ryan's agreeing with her there.

My body. My baby. My life. I'm not giving my child to some random couple because they think it'd be best. I made this mistake, I'm going to deal with it. Although, no I do not think of my child as a mistake. The baby was never supposed to happen, though. And sometimes I do wish there wasn't a child involved in all of this stupid mess. Poor kid will be paying for my mistakes the rest of their life.

After telling my mother I wasn't giving the baby up for adoption I was grounded and sent up to my room. She had actually let Ryan come up to speak to me and for the past hour all we've done is stare at each other, not saying a freaking word.

It's getting really annoying and I'm about to say something but he holds up his hand and starts talking instead. Before he could get a word out my bedroom door opened briskly.

"I have a plan." I widened my eyes at my mother. She had a plan? I didn't have a freaking plan and my mother had one! "You'll drop out of school, finish with a tutor. I don't want anyone in this town to be talking about me as a mother so you'll stay here until the baby is born. You will not see Ryan, if you have any sort of contact with him I will see to it he gets put in jail. Once that thing inside of you comes out and ruins your life than I don't care what you do but until then you're to follow my rules. Do what I say."

"Even though I'm 18, I have to listen to you?" As soon as I said that Ryan glared at me.

"Take it or leave it, Taylor. If you do not follow what I say he's in jail and that thing is put up for adoption." She snarled back. I gulped and nodded. "Say goodbye to Ryan, Taylor." She barked before turning out of the room and leaving up alone for a few minutes.

"What a plan." I rolled my eyes crossing my arms over my chest.

"Right now, I think it's the only way to go. Just do what she says." He sighed before kissing my cheek and standing up.

"Oh no, Mister. I have to spend the next five months carrying your child without you being around and all I get is a kiss on the cheek?" I pouted. I watched him laugh before turning back towards me and kissing me hard on the lips. "Better." I smiled before he pulled away.

"Take care." He whispered before kissing my forehead and leaving the room.

I have a feeling the next five months are going to be hell.

-

"Just because you're pregnant does not mean you have to eat my entire kitchen, Taylor. You should be doing something so you don't gain so much weight. You look like a whale. You're going on a diet." My mother informed. It has been exactly 8 weeks since I have seen Ryan. Staying in this house with only my mother around is hell but I'm managing. My tutor is this really nice old lady and she said that I'll even be able to graduate with my class. Mom says I can since I'll have a gown on and my stomach will be hidden from the world. I'm surprised the witch is allowing this.

"A diet?" I glared at her. This woman was insane. There is no way I'm going on a diet 23 weeks pregnant. "You're really funny, mom."

"Fine, but you're going to be wishing you dieted now once you have the thing." She rolled her eyes before leaving me to my ice cream. I smiled into the bowl. It was the only thing that seemed to make me happy anymore. How terrible.

I heard my phone ringing from the kitchen. I sighed before having to lift myself up from the chair and rush over to it. It was a private number. I answered it.

"Taylor…" I knew that voice. I smiled when I heard it but then I quickly got confused. I didn't want to say his name out loud incase my mother was anywhere near me. "I blocked my number. She'll never know I called. I just had to hear you…" He whispered. I laughed into the phone. "Go somewhere that you can talk to me…I know she's watching you like a hawk.

"You're right. I'll take a walk. Call back in two minutes, give me time to tell her I'll take walk towards our private beach, that way no one can see me." I concluded before flipping my phone closed.

I was happy that she had allowed me to take a walk. She barely let me step foot in the sun since I had started getting fatter. I walked down towards the water before sticking my toes in the edge of the water. As soon as the phone rang I quickly answered it. I sat back with my feet in the water still and my butt in the same. I didn't care that the tide kept come up and getting me wet. It felt nice against my skin.

"How have you been?" He asked me.

"My mother is about to drive me insane. I'm a whale, my feet are swollen. Can you imagine having your feet so huge you can barely fit them in your shoes." I rambled off. I heard him laugh.

"I've missed you so much…"

"Me too." I smiled, I really wish he could see my smile. It would make this so much easier. "Anything interesting go on with you lately?" I asked.

"Actually, yes. I talked to this guy that lives in Berkeley. He's going to help me get a job out there once we move. You're still in with that aren't you?" He questioned.

"Yeah, I'm in." I told him.

I spent the next half hour talking to Ryan about nothing important, it was nice to just get to talk to him. I had really missed hearing his voice. He said he had missed my rambling and the way I just fit perfectly into his arms. I miss that too.

"This sucks!" I declared before I got off the phone with him.

"What?" He asked like he had no idea.

"Being away from you! Do you have any freaking clue how insane pregnancy hormones are?"

"That bad?" He laughed at me.

"Yes. I actually asked my mother if I could see you just for sex. I know that's not something I should have asked her but I was desperate. She ended up calling me a whore and saying no but it was worth it to see the look on her face." I giggled. That had been a great day of tormenting my insane mother.

We watched the sun set together on the phone. It was nice, but not enough. Ten minutes later I realized my mother was probably going to be upset if I didn't get home soon. I hate getting off of the phone with him. It was hard but it had to be done.


	29. Chapter 29

**I don't know why i'm updating this, but I am. Just in an updating mood I suppose. Plus it's distracting me from getting ready for school.**

Chapter 29

"Taylor!" I groaned hearing Summer Roberts bounce through my bedroom opening curtains and letting in the sunlight. "Wake up, you have exactly one month until you pop. So you and I are going out."

"Out? Yeah, like Veronica's going to let that happen. You have noticed this haven't you?" I sit up in my bed and pull the cover's back to reveal my stomach. God, these past couple of months have been hell, just like I had expected.

"I already talked to her. She said she doesn't care what you do just as long as it's not with Mr. Hottie." She grinned. Summer had something up her sleeve. "Now get up, we have a long day of shopping for that little one."

"I can't believe I'm going to be a mother. I'm not ready for this." I groan leaning back in bed not wanting to get out. This kid is currently attacking my bladder. It's really getting annoying.

"You're right but that doesn't stop this from actually happening. Come on." She pulled the blanket off of my body fully. "I'm really glad you don't sleep naked." She scrunched her nose.

"Not last night, for once I was actually cold." I shrug getting out of bed slowly. My back is killing me but telling Summer that would just be a lost cause. "Now where exactly are you taking me?" I ask rummaging through my closet. I can already tell this is going to take a lot of time since practically none of my clothes seem to fit me any longer.

"I already told you, Townsend. Shopping." She rolled her eyes at me. "Now hurry up!" She pushed me towards the bathroom.

"I'm too fat. If I go out there with this thing then people are going to ask questions. I hate when they ask questions." I groan.

"God, give it up. You're the one who got pregnant, you are going to deal with it. I'm taking you shopping and I really don't care who asks questions."

"Fine but you're going to pay for it if people gawk at me." I give her a glare.

"Okay! Now go!" She pushed me again.

"No pushing!" I growl at her entering the bathroom and slamming the door behind me.

-

This is really the last place I want to be right now. Shopping. Shopping with this huge watermelon attached to me. Summer just dragged me into this baby store, she seems a lot more excited about this than I am.

"You'd think you were the one having a kid." I rolled my eyes at her as she looked through the clothes.

"You're like the worst person to go shopping with, Taylor!" She rolled her eyes at me, again. That was really getting annoying. Actually anything anyone was doing was getting to be annoying to me.

"That could be because I'm eight months pregnant and I haven't seen the baby's father in far too long."

"Well, today your luck is changing. If you must know, Townsend, you will be seeing Mr. Hottie." She grinned. My eyes widened.

"And how exactly are you going to pull that one off?" I questioned resting a hand on my stomach. I swear the thing is growing by the second.

"I have my ways."

"Have I told you how much of an amazing best friend you are?"

"Just promise me that when that baby pops out the middle name will be Summer. I don't care, boy or girl." She narrowed her eyes at me as I laughed at her. Suddenly I was pulled out of my terrible mood.

"Promise." I smiled as she held out her pinky.

"Pinky promise." I hooked mine with hers. "Good." I can't believe I just promised I'd name my baby after her. I sure hope this isn't a boy. Poor kid would have to go through a lifetime of therapy. "Now this is where I leave you. He's here." She nodded towards the entrance.

"Wait, what if someone talks to my mother." I grabbed on her arm when she tried to walk away.

"He's willing to risk that." She shrugged.

"He might be but I'm not." I tell her.

"Taylor, live a little. You're already pregnant what more could happen?" She asked.

"Nothing but my mom could throw him in jail. You know my mother, Summer, she's a very persuasive woman." I crossed my arms over my chest before looking up and seeing him almost reaching us.

"That is why you two won't be staying here. Now, I'm leaving. Have fun." She grinned before hugging me.

"What are you doing here? We could get into trouble!" I said to him as soon as Summer was out of ear range.

"Yes we could but does that really matter? It's been four months since I've seen you, I think I can risk this just once." He put his hand on my arm. I snatched it away.

"You probably just miss the sex." I rolled my eyes keeping my voice low so only he could hear me. I instantly earned a glare from my baby's father. "Okay, I didn't mean that. I'm just freaked out that my mother will like magically appear."

"Then let's get out of here. I'll walk ahead of you." He smirked.

"That could work. First I need to buy these things Summer picked out for me." I sigh looking down at my arm full of clothes. Ryan took them from me. "What are you doing?"

"How about you walk in front of me and I'll pay for these." He reasoned.

"You don't have to do that…" I tried to take them back from him.

"Just go, you know which one is my car." He sighed.

"She's going to catch us and when she does this will be completely your fault." I pointed my finger at him.

"I'll take all the blame. You just act innocent in all this." He smiled.

"Fine." I say and turn to leave. I guess I waddle from the store rather than just walk.


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

"I missed you." He murmured into my hair.

"I'm sorry about the whole sex thing." I looked up at him sympathetically. Part of me hoped he hadn't had sex with anyone since he last had it with me, but the other part of me realized we were kind of broken up through that whole time so there would be no reason why he wouldn't do such things. "How's Kingsly?" I questioned snuggling my body more into his. He had one had around me resting it on the large bump that held our baby inside.

"Marissa hasn't let me see him since I skipped out on Christmas." He said sounding a little upset.

"That's my fault, isn't it? If I wouldn't have been in that car accident then you'd still get to see your son…God, if I hadn't been around you'd still be with them." I sigh placing my hand on top of his.

We'd been laying there for two hours just talking. Immediately after we arrived at his place I walked up the stairs and crawled into the bed that I had come to think as mine for those months I had practically lived with him. He hadn't even asked about sex until I brought it up. His face sort of lit up but he still gave me a smile when I said it wasn't going to happen.

"The baby has a name." I told him.

"Really?" He whispered.

"Yeah, I'm not going to tell anyone though. That includes you. I'm the only one that even knows the sex." I say.

"I want to be surprised." He kissed my forehead.

"Ryan, are you scared?"

"Terrified, you?"

"Sort of, not in that way I was scared of Seth or Oliver. I'm not even scared like the way I was to fall for you. I'm more scared for the baby. Scared that I'll end up like my mother, especially being so young." I bury my face into his neck.

"I'm scared that you'll realize that you're still young and you can find someone as young as you are."

"I don't need someone young." I looked up at him.

"You do, Taylor. You need so much more than this."

"You're wrong, Ry. You're completely and totally wrong." I sigh out. He gave me a half smile before kissing me on my lips slowly. "We'll be okay. Once we're settled in Berkeley or wherever we'll be okay."

"Yeah, I hope so."

"How did I get here?" I laid my head down on his chest so I could hear his heartbeat. "I spent that year and a half trying to keep my relationship with Seth. I trusted Oliver. I…I'm pregnant. My mother hates me…God, I've made a mess out of my life." He ran his hand through my hair. "When's Summer getting here?"

"An hour." He checked his watch.

"Would you totally hate me if I fell asleep? I am so exhausted…"

"Go ahead." He laughed a little before I shut my eyes. I sighed happily snuggling as close as I could to his body, even closer than I thought was possible.

-

"You okay?" Summer glanced over at me after she picked me up from Ryan's. I hadn't wanted to leave. I had somehow gotten emotional having to say bye to him again.

I wouldn't get to see him until after the baby was born and I was out of the hospital. He wouldn't even be there when I gave birth.

"No, I don't think so…"

"What's wrong?" She asked pulling her car into my driveway.

"Everything." I whisper.

"What do you mean? No, don't cry." She said as she saw the tears in my eyes.

"Sorry, I can't really help it."

"You're going to get through this, Taylor. Everything's going to work out and you'll be okay."

"Camdyn Summer Atwood, that's the baby's name."

"What?" She widened her eyes.

"I just thought you should know. Honestly I'd name the baby after you even if we didn't make that promise. You're my best friend, Sum. You're the only person who's really been with me through all of this. I wouldn't have been able to do this without you…" I looked up at her from my hands and I saw the tears in her eyes.


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

"Everything seems to be just fine, Ms. Townsend."

"Except everything isn't fine. My baby is overdue. How exactly is that fine?" I'm enraged. There is no possible way I am going to spend another minute with this thing inside of me. "Just take it out. I don't care what you have to do." He just smiled at me and left the room.

_What an ass._

"Summer, I think I might die." I say dramatically coming out of the room. I wobble over to my best friend and her boyfriend. She gives me a laugh.

"You can't die until after my namesake is born."

"Thanks, I see how it is." I say not going along with her joke. Having this baby in me is no joke.

I want it out NOW. This exact second would be great.

"I need to see Ryan." I sigh trying to put my hands on my hips but I don't even know where my damn hips are anymore.

"I knew you were lying to me when I asked if Ryan was that teacher." Seth speaks up. I waddle over to him and grab him by his collar.

"I don't need you comment's, Seth. Just shut up and get the stupid car." I growl. I don't have time for this. "And you, I'm changing the baby's name if you don't stop making jokes." I point over at Summer.

I guess today is just not my _freaking _day.

"Come on, Momma. Get in the car." She smiles at me. I'm not in the mood for smiles.

No one should be happy today.

-

"We're having sex, like right now." I put my bag down after bursting into Ryan's house. Apparently it helps induce labor. I'll try anything right now.

I didn't notice the extra car in the driveway nor did I notice the tall woman standing in Ryan's living room.

At least not until I hear the gurgles of a baby.

"Taylor, what are you doing here?" Ryan rushes out of his kitchen.

"Oh, God." I run my hand over my face. "I'm sorry, I just…I went to the doctor and…maybe I should leave."

_I'm stupid, really really stupid. _

"So, you're the person he cheated on me with." Marissa folds her arms across her chest smirking.

"No, of course not!" I try to back out of the house while giving her a fake smile.

"You're like what, seventeen?"

"Eighteen." I correct her. She snorts.

That's when I feel it.

"I'm uhm, sorry but maybe we should go to the hospital." I say trying to keep calm. I can't believe this is happening.

As much as I wanted to get this baby out this is probably the worst moment this kid could have chosen.

"Why?" Ryan lowers his eyes and notices what I'm talking about.

My water broke.

Right there, in front of his ex-wife.

"Is it yours?" Marissa directs her attention to Ryan.

"Look, let's just get her to hospital and I'll explain this all later." He rushes over to me.

"I don't want you there…call Summer." I plead with him.

"You really don't have a choice right now, Taylor. Come on." He grabs my arm and starts pulling me towards the car.

"No!" I try to stop. If my mother gets called or comes up to the hospital and learns Ryan was there…well I actually have no idea what she'll do but right now isn't the time to take that chance.

The second I stop is when the contractions start.

"Let's go!" I scream and look over at him with tears in my eyes.

I'm not ready for this.

I don't want this to happen.

I don't want this baby.

I don't need this baby.

Not now, not ever.


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

"It's time for you to explain." Marissa says a little cold switching our son to her other hip. We're currently in the waiting room of the hospital. I'm not even sure what she's doing here right now.

"Explain what?" I ask looking up at her. I know what she's talking about. She get frustrated before handing our son over to me.

"Why that girl came into your house and why you're so worried about her right now…she's the girl you were talking about. Isn't she? She's the girl you're in love with." Her face falls a little.

"Yeah, that's her." I nod meeting her eyes.

"And she's eighteen. I wasn't expecting her to be so young, Ryan." She puts her hands on her boney hips.

"What were you expecting exactly?"

"I don't know but I'm leaving…" She walks back over to me and pulls Kingsly out of my arms. He frowns and reaches for me.

"We've been over for a long time, Marissa. When are you going to stop caring?" I ask her.

"You were the first guy I had ever been in love with, Ryan. You're the father of my kid, so I guess I'll never stop caring." She sighs. For once Marissa is actually not being a bitch.

-

I watch as her mother stalks into the waiting room. She's got this look on her face.

Honestly, this woman freaks me out.

"What are you doing here?" She asks.

"That's my kid…" I look down at my hands.

"I don't care, you're not supposed to be here."

"But, I am." I tell her. "We had a deal, after the baby was born you'd let me be with her."

"It's born yet." She points out.

"But it will be soon enough!" I probably shouldn't raise my voice at her, but I really can't help it. She irks me.

"I can still get you thrown in jail." She narrows her eyes at me. "But I won't, instead I want her things out of my house. I don't want her in my house with the thing."

"Okay." I nod, I want to say more but I think right now I should refrain from saying anything more to her.

"It's a girl!" I look up to see Taylor friend, Summer. She's got this huge goofy grin on her face.

Taylor refused to let me in there with her. She said that she wanted Summer there, that Summer had been there for her since she had found out she was pregnant.

I take a deep breath then look over at Veronica who just purses her lips.

"I want her things out." She reminds me and then turns on her heels and leaves the hospital.

"Can I see her?" I turn back to Summer. She nods and then starts walking towards the back.

I don't think I'm ready for this.

So, I stand outside the door hesitating to go in there.

"She needs you right now, you know that right?" Summer stands beside me.

"Are you sure about that?" I look over at her.

"Yes, I'm sure." She nods. "She didn't start calling for you until the doctor told her that she needed to push once more. Honestly, that was the nastiest thing I've seen in my entire life!"

"I wish I could have been in there." I sigh leaning against the wall.

"As much as she needs you right now…she's scared."

"What is she scared of?" I ask.

"Being a mother. Her biggest fear is turning into her mother."

"She won't. Did she tell you Marissa was at the house when she went into labor?"

"Yeah, that must have been bad." She laughed.

"A little, I don't know what's going to happen now but maybe I should go in there." It's now or never. I can't take this away, as much as I really wish I could.

-

"What's her name?" I ask holding the tiny figure in my arms. She looks like her mother, especially her eyes. Taylor pouted when she realized that the baby didn't have my eyes.

"Camdyn." She says. She hasn't been that nice to me since I walked into the room. I've been here for half an hour. "Summer Atwood." She finishes.

"Oh." I nod. "She's beautiful."

She is. With her perfect nose, perfect chin, perfect chubby cheeks.

"I know." She sighs smiling over at us.

I stand up from my spot in the chair. She scoots over so I can sit next to her on the bed.

"I love you." She says leaning into me. She places her hand on top of the baby's head.

"Who, me or the baby?"

"Both of you." She sighs. "Why was Marissa at your house, Ryan. I thought you said she wouldn't let you see your son."

"She happened to stop by today. She didn't call or anything." I shrug.

"Oh. Ryan, did you talk to my Mom?" She looks into my eyes hopefully.

"She was here but she left. You and Camdyn are moving in with me." I tell her.

"What?"

"She wants you out."

"Oh…okay."

"You okay with that?" I ask her.

"Yeah, I am." She puts her head on my shoulder.


	33. Chapter 33

Two more chapters left of this story.

* * *

Chapter 33

"This is probably the cutest baby in all of Newport." Summer gushed holding Camdyn out at arms length. I laughed walking over and sitting down next to my best friend on the couch.

"I agree." I smile reaching out smoothing back my daughters soft hair.

"I'm going to miss you, Townsend." She sighed not taking her eyes off of Camy. "Are you sure you have to leave?"

"Yeah, it'd just be best." I say just looking at Camy. It was amazing how my daughter seemed to change every second of the day. If I took my eyes off of her for a second I felt like I was missing out on something of her little life.

"If you say so." She mumbles.

"Summer, you know Ryan and I can't stay here. There's just too much…" I say as she looks over at me.

"Yeah yeah I know." She waves me off looking back at the baby. "I just wish you didn't have to go."

"Me too. Look we still have another week before I leave so let's make the best of it." I say.

"I like you a lot better when you aren't pregnant." She laughs.

"Oh God, me too." I giggle. I don't miss being pregnant one bit. I'd much rather have Camdyn out of my body then actually in.

"Foods here!" The front door opens and Ryan appears with take-out bags. "Chinese alright?" He asks raising an eyebrow at both me and Summer.

"Duh!" She yells out and quickly hands Camdyn over to me. "Please tell me there is Lo Mien in here." She rummages through one of the bags Ryan set on the kitchen table.

"Hey." Ryan walks over to where I'm still sitting. "How's my little girl?" He reaches out for the infant in my arms. He kisses our two week old daughter on her forehead. "How's my other girl?" He looks over Camdyn's head to smile at me.

"Tired." I say feeling like I hadn't slept in days when really I had my normal four hours of sleep every night.

"I've got her if you want to take a nap or something."

"No, I'd much rather eat." I say standing up.

-

I ran a brush through my damp hair as I watched Ryan sit on our bed just staring at our daughter.

"She looks so much like you." He looks up at me. I slip one of his t-shirts over my clean body. "And now it's time for her to go bed." He raises his eyebrows at me. I just shake my head and laugh. He's right she needs to sleep but I can already see what's going through that mind of his.

"Come on, baby." I whisper taking Camy from him. "You are going coming with us, aren't you?" I eye Ryan over Camdyn's head.

"Of course." He nodded sliding out of our bed. I started towards the door but turned back around.

"On second thought maybe I should just do this alone." I look at Camy's small face suddenly wanting some alone time with her.

"I'm going to shower." He gives me a knowing smile before kissing my forehead and then Camy's. "Night Baby." He whispers then turns around to leave me with my daughter.

I walk slowly with her towards her room that is across the hall from mine and Ryan's. I reach her room and switch on her light brightening up the small bare room. We hadn't really seen a point in decorating it up since we would be moving soon. I walked over towards her white changing table and laid her down on it.

"I can't believe your mine." I say out loud as I start to undress her to get her ready for sleep. "All mine." She makes a small whimpering noise which makes me smile. Just the smallest things that she did seemed to bring smiles to my face. "After everything I've been through. I finally have you." In the beginning I didn't want her. Just thinking about how many times I cursed being pregnant makes me sick to my stomach. I didn't think I could do this. "I promise you will have a better life then me. I'll never tell you that you're not pretty enough or skinny enough because however you look you will always be gorgeous in my eyes." I bring my freshly changed daughter up off of the table so I can kiss her small rosy cheek. I could already feel the tears welling up in my eyes but I quickly pushed them away. I didn't want to ruin this moment with her by my silly hormones.

As I stare into Camy's eyes I start to think back through my life before her then I start to think back to my life before Ryan. I had been in a terrible place before I met him.

Seth Cohen had made me believe that I wasn't worth anything more then getting abused. I believed him at the time but now as I look down at Camdyn I realize that I'm worth so much more then that now.

I've got this amazing daughter and a guy who is willing to move his life so that I can go to college.

Sure, there's still that large age difference but it really doesn't matter anymore because without Ryan I wouldn't have the most perfect hazel eyed girl in my arms right now. Even though it probably wouldn't sound so terrible being with him if he hadn't been my teacher at one point.


	34. Chapter 34

Only one more chapter left. It will basically be the epilogue. I seem to love doing those at the end of all of my stories.

Chapter 34

I wanted to enjoy my last day in Newport as much as possible. Even though I have always hated this place, it's home. A very small part of me, and I mean _very small,_ is actually going to miss living here.

"Ready?" Summer beamed holding my little girl. She was dressed in this little bathing suit that Summer had to get for her since we were spending the first part of our day at the beach. I had only rolled my eyes telling her nothing as small as Camdyn should be wearing something like that but I let her have her fun since she wouldn't be seeing us for awhile after today.

"Yeah." I nod throwing two bags that I had packed over my shoulder. I walked over and put a small hat on Camy's head. She fussed a little but left it alone snuggling her face into Summer. "Bye Ryan!" I yelled over my shoulder. He didn't even turn his face away from the game he was watching, he ended up only waving. The entire house was packed away and all of the boxes seemed to be in the living room. The moving truck was scheduled to be there while I was out today with Summer. I had offered plenty times to help but he said he didn't need it, that his brother would be coming by to help. Then he accused me of only wanting to help so I could get out of my day with Summer, which was not true one bit. I just felt bad that he would have to do everything on his own.

The three of us reached the beach and sat underneath a large umbrella. I smeared a little bit of sunscreen on Camy just in case. Summer had started to groan about the beach being too packed so not half an hour later we were packing up and heading out. It was nice to see the beach one last time though.

I changed Camy before we went to South Coast Plaza. Summer had said she wanted to buy just a few more things for my daughter even though Camy seemed to have two of everything already. I knew this was just Summer's way of dealing with us leaving.

"I'm going to Brown in January. I got accepted." She said nonchalantly as she looked through a rack of baby clothes. I bounced a whimpering Camy but suddenly stopped when I heard my best friend's news.

"Summer, that's amazing! I'm so proud of you!" I almost attacked her with a hug but then I remembered Camy was still in my arms.

"Yeah, I figured I'd apply since Seth is already out there going to RISD, I really didn't think I'd get in." She grinned.

"How could you not? So, how are things going with Seth?" I said slipping that in. I had been wanting to ask her for the past few weeks but I had been so busy with Camy and moving.

"I didn't think I had the grades but apparently I'm smart." She laughed. "Things with Seth are…great. I mean a lot better then I imagined after you know…" She looked back down at the clothes.

"So no more…" I didn't get to finish.

"No, not at all!"

"That's good but…still be careful." I shrug.

"Always." She smiled before holding up a pink dress that I swore Camy already owned in purple.

I looked past Summer to see Marissa standing at the register. She had her son in a stroller. She looked irritated with the lady checking her out.

"Marissa's here." I groan wanting to get out of the store. Summer looked behind her and shrugged.

"So what?"

"So what? She's Ryan's ex-wife and I'm his eighteen year old girlfriend. That's what!" I snap a little.

"Calm down, Townsend. I'm sure she won't even notice us."

But of course Marissa noticed us. She had to walk past us on her way out of the store. I thought she was just going to walk past me but instead she walked right up to me with a smile. Her smile made me even more nervous. Summer drifted away from me leaving me alone with the woman.

"I heard you and Ryan are moving?" She didn't break her fake smile.

"Yeah, we're leaving tomorrow. He didn't tell you?" I asked laying Camy down in the stroller I had brought with me.

"No, I heard it through gossip." She fluttered her hand. I really wanted to know why this woman was standing here right now trying to hold a conversation with me. "We weren't happy, but I never thought he'd be happy with a child." She scoffed. There it was, exactly what I had been waiting for.

"I should get going." I ducked my head not wanting to get into anything with her.

"When I first found out he was cheating on me with you I thought it was just a little phase. I still think it is." She said blocking my way. There was no other way out of that corner I was in. "But he actually seems serious about this." She points at me and then my daughter. I just shut my eyes knowing that if she said anything about her I would lose it. I didn't care what she said about me but Camdyn didn't deserve that.

"Marissa, I really need to go." I say tightening my grip on the handle of the stroller.

"To run back to Ryan? He's going to get bored with you after awhile. I mean how could he not?" She laughed.

"Look, Marissa I'm sorry for what happened but really do you need to stand here and harass me in the middle of the store?" I start to get irritated with her.

"I love him. You took him away from me." She grit her teeth. I just stared at her in astonishment.

"Taylor, is there something wrong?" Summer finally returned. I just shook my head and gave her a smile. "Well, I'm ready if you are." She didn't even look at Marissa until she realized I was blocked in. "Excuse me but you're blocking my friend in. You should probably move." She said and then looked down at Kingsly who was fussing in his stroller. He looked more like Ryan then Camy did. Camy didn't have her father's eyes but Kingsly sure did. "Taylor look how much they look alike!" She gushed looking between my daughter and Marissa's son.

"They look nothing alike." Marissa scoffed.

"Yeah, right. Just look at them!" I smiled when I saw the frown on Marissa's face.

"I don't have time for this." And with that Marissa Cooper turned around and headed out of the store. I took a deep breath.

"Well that was something." I laughed nervously.

"I really don't see what the big deal is about them looking alike. I mean they are siblings." Summer ranted as we left the store.

"True, but it's Marissa she wouldn't admit that for anything." I shrug.

-

"So how was your day?" Ryan asked as we sat on the floor of our bare living room. All of the boxes that had been in the living room before were not safely packed away in a moving truck.

"Fine, I saw Marissa at the store." I say like it's nothing as I pop a fry into my mouth.

"Wait, what do you mean you saw Marissa?" He looked at me.

"I mean exactly what I said. She stopped and talked to me. Told me I stole you and all of this other stuff but then Summer came around and told her to move because she was blocking me. Then she gushed about how much Kingsly and Camdyn look alike. Marissa didn't like that too much." I say glancing at Camy who is in her little swing. It was one of the only things we were taking with us on the drive to Berkeley.

"Oh, I'm sorry. After tomorrow you won't have to worry about running into her anything."

"It wasn't even a big deal." I shrug returning my attention back to my food.

"Anything else interesting happen?" He quickly changed the subject. I didn't mind too much.

"Not really. The beach was too crowded so we left early. Summer went crazy buying more stuff for Camy which is going to have to somehow fit into your car tomorrow."

"I can manage that." He nods. I smile at him. He really is a great guy.

-

"I can't believe you're leaving me!" Summer cried pulling me into a hug. I just laughed and returned her hug. "Now, you better not be a stranger. I want you to call me all of the time, alright?" She pulled away to look at me sternly. I just smiled and nodded.

"We gotta get going." Ryan called from the car a few feet away. Camdyn was already fast asleep in her car seat.

"I'm going to miss you so much. You really were my best friend, Summer." I say hugging her one last time.

"You too, Townsend. Now get going before I don't let you leave." She laughed. I saw tears welling up in her eyes. I would really miss Summer Roberts. "Take care of them, alright?" She said to Ryan.

"Of course." He nodded at her.

We were leaving to start our life together, without insane ex's or crazy pasts.


	35. Chapter 35

This is it; the end. I thought the Christmas seen was appropriate considering Christmas is just days away. :D I wish everyone Happy Holidays! And I want to thank everyone who's stuck with me through this story. You guys are really amazing.

Chapter 35

"Not there!" I cried stopping my boyfriend from putting the ornament in the wrong place on our Christmas tree. This was our first Christmas together as a small family and I just wanted everything to be perfect. The Christmas before was spent with me in the hospital hanging on to my life.

"Then where?" He huffed. "Why don't you just do it because apparently I don't do it right." He said handing over the gold ornament.

"Fine." I smiled knowing that it was what I wanted all along. "Right there." I said putting it in the perfect spot and then stepping back to admire my work. It was the only ornament on our little tree.

"Finally." He rolled his eyes playfully before stepping back towards the tree. "Now can we put the rest on the tree?" He turned around to look at me.

"Of course." I clapped my hands together feeling giddy. As a little girl this had been my favorite thing about Christmas, that was before my Mom turned into the witch she is today. Ryan gave me a wide grin before handing over an ornament. I decided to step back again and watch where he put the one that was in his hand.

"Don't even say it." He says not looking back at me. "It's perfect exactly where it is."

"I wasn't going to say anything." I pouted at him.

"Then start helping me and stop watching." He said finally looking back at me. "And don't think that you can change where I put that ornament when I turn my back."

"Ryan, what do you think of me as? Hmmm?"

"Obsessive." He says plainly. I let out a slight humph thinking that he knew me too well. I had it in the back of my head to sneak downstairs later and rearrange the ornaments on the tree to my liking. "It's just a tree, Taylor." He sighs pulling me to him and wrapping his arm around my waist.

"Our first tree in our first home together." I tell him. "It's also Camdyn's first tree."

"She's three months, I doubt she'll care."

"So? She's still my daughter and I want to make this perfect for her, for all of us."

"It is already perfect. Us here together. That's what makes this Christmas perfect." He kisses my temple. "Now let's get this tree finished so we can get to bed."

"You're going to watch me all night to make sure I don't rearrange the tree aren't you?" I raise an eyebrow at him.

"No, I just plan to make you forget all about the tree." He grinned at me.

"And how do you plan to do that, Mr. Atwood?"

"You'll see." He gave me a smirk. He picked up another ornament and placed it on the tree without a second thought.

-

"We've come a long way." Ryan sighed running his hand through my hair. He had indeed made me forget all about the tree. We hadn't been long put Camdyn to bed before he had picked me up and practically thrown me onto our bed.

"You could say that again." I sigh contently. "Are you excited about starting at the elementary school?"

"I am. You excited about Berkeley?" He asked.

"I am." I smiled. "I love this place, it's like we belonged in this town all along."

"I know what you mean." He gave me a small smile. "But then again if it weren't for Newport I would have never met you."

"I know but…" I looked away.

"What?" He asked.

"Nothing." I shook my head. "Everything happens for a reason, right?"

"You're stronger because of those experiences with Seth and Oliver, Taylor." He tried to calm me a little.

"I know I am." I nodded and gave him a wide grin.

He was right. I needed those experiences. As terrible as they were, they made me stronger.

I know Ryan and I have plenty of things to go through in our relationship and maybe the age thing will always be a big deal but I know I love him. I know that I wouldn't want to be with anyone else in the entire world right now.

He's it. He's my everything.


End file.
